01:14 - 01.10.06
Theoretical Reality
I did crawl into bed last night dear diary. I felt so restless and edgy though that I finally gave up, got up, and switched on the computer. It was 6 in the am before I went back to sleep. By 10 am I was preparing to spend the day with my sister's sister-in-law. Then the phone started ringing. Number four son called to say he was at the hospital with his wife. The attending staff told them that they would be keeping her in because she was quite far along in being dilated, even though she still wasn't feeling much in the way of contractions. "Just crampiness" was her perception of the process. Put the phone down and it rang immediately after. No one had shown up at my youngest's workplace except the person calling and they were overwhelmed with tasks. Could he come in to work today. My sister's sister-in-law was already late in arriving, so my son hurried up his morning toilette so he could catch a ride into the office with us. One hour by bus or 15 minutes by car. In this case, he really wanted to help the coworker out of her distress. Called number four son's voicemail to let him know where he could contact me during the afternoon and then the three of us headed out on the road.
Dropped number six son off in the deeps of the one industrial district, then tried to find our way back to the freeway. As it turned out, that street ran right into the one road the sister's sister-in-law was familiar with. Having grown up in Calgary everything is the same, but different in unsettling ways for her. She is house-sitting for one of her sisters right now, because there is a certain thoroughly worshipped cat in residence who needed to be cared for while his mistress was out for a wild weekend with her old school buddies. The name of their cabal? The Hags, of course. Yes well, wouldn't want to get in the way of their fun.
My sister's sister-in-law was explaining that she had lost the ability to open her email again and was feeling very frustrated with the lack of progress in making her new toy work for her. She went upstairs to prepare snacks while I started to assess her setup so she could do her thing her way. The security software hadn't been allowed full installation for starters, so that had to be fixed. Still error messages arising, - acitvex related - but some of the internet security options had been set too high for the kind of access she wanted. Left that for the time being, because it doesn't hurt a new person to be reminded to really think through the implications of their choices for the first bit. Fixed the email problem and set up her home page, explaining what I was trying to accomplish at each step. She, being a Leo, is a tad impatient and wanted to try to carry out a number of processes, before her system was fully set up to allow her in. I'm surrounded by Leos in every aspect of my life right, now by the way. Meow. It is one thing to have to tell a young person they need to wait until their teacher - me - feels the setup for the lesson is in place. It is considerably harder to do with an adult. The other difficulty was the lighting in the room. Only one person could truly view the screen at any given time. Finally relocated the whole operation upstairs to a more appropriate setting - the kitchen table, of course. Started showing her how to work with links in an email by opening the missives I had sent over the past few days. Accessing and saving them as she wished. Spent about an hour showing her how to navigate around the basic features of a web browser and how to set up her favorites folders. Helped her learn how to download a program - after checking for its safety - because she needed a media player in order to access all those radio programs she felt was her first priority for the day. Taught her how to navigate through the streaming and then came the work on the control panel. Options for sound and aesthetics.
The phone rang during that phase. It was number four son letting me know that his wife had delivered their son at 2:20 pm and that they were all doing well. His voice told me he felt he had been through the ringer, poor thing. Our new little family member weighed seven lb 6 oz and is +19" long. His hair is quite fair, but covers his head nicely. His eyes, at this point, appear to be blue, but it is always difficult to know whether they will change or not. Apparently he has a very good set of lungs on him, but he didn't fuss at all when I was at the hospital later in the day. Means he just wanted his grandmother - right? Unless something changes, they will be discharged from the hospital sometime on Sunday.
As I was calling and leaving voicemails about the big news for all my other sons, my sister's sister-in-law was preparing lunch. Her sister's home is filled with cookbooks on every shelf in the house. All of their family are gourmands. They love playing with southwestern and mexican cooking recipes the most. That decorating theme also ran throughout the house, giving me some ideas for my own home once it is finally gutted and ready for it's makeover. I have been fussing over the need to replace the old windows, for example, and I really liked how the ones in her basement had been done in order to make it a more comfortable living space. Turns out one of their other sisters is married to a windows - for houses - guy and he had made the transformation. Guess I'll be talking with my brother-in-law to see if he can translate my descriptions into windowese. Spring project maybe, whenever my finances stabilize. By the time I had called all my guys lunch was ready. It was all delicious.
As we ate, my sister's sister-in-law went through my solar return astrological chart with me. The experience highlighted why finding an astrologer who holds similar values to you is so important. We got hung up for about half an hour on her assertion that I should just walk away from my home and write it off as a loss. Yes that makes sense - walk away from the one physical asset I have. It may be a mess internally, but at least it guarantees me a roof over my head until I die. With monthly rental prices in the city running three or four times more than what I pay in mortgage payments, that is just silly and i said so quite bluntly. However she continued to insist it was not only the best choice, but that matters would be taken out of my hands if I didn't give it up willingly. I don't understand what reality she was coming from, but at that point, I knew we weren't sharing the same one.
After she let go of that bone, when I finally got frustrated and told her the issue was not even on the table, things went a bit smoother. Especially when Stephen Hawking's Brief History of Time and the implications of that thought process was used as common ground. We talked about the ecliptic patterns that had been playing out in my work and family life. The ones that almost are echoes of each other. She slid into Jungian mode and I just took what I wanted away from the discussion, without buying into the structure that underpins that form of therapy. One should always make certain they know the values and filters of any astrologer/therapist one allows to "interpret" one's own personal experiences - past, present and future - before integrating their words into one's own assessment of an issue or choice for one's self. Even though my sister's sister-in-law and I have a lot of values we share in common, there are also a number where we have diametrically opposed approaches. Confusion and frustration, instead of clarity, would be the result if I accepted her assessment of the aspects in my chart uncritically. There are as many schools of thought in astrology as there are in parenting, financial management, or interior decorating, for example. Not everyone is aiming for the same outcomes. Too many people give away their responsibility and right to make good choices for themselves by giving more authority and power to the thoughts and beliefs of other people who take on authority or "expert" roles in their lives, than one does to one's own thoughts and beliefs. What is best for you is what works best in the life you are choosing to live. If what you choose for yourself is not what the expert would choose, that doesn't mean that you have to remodel yourself to become the shadow of the counsellor. For example, Michelangelo's family wanted him to become a banker like them but he wanted to be an artist. Good choice and what a loss to the entire world if he had buckled under that pressure to conform to family and societal expectations of the time. If the change the so-called experts demand from you is too extreme or doesn't fit your values, then it is better to find someone who provides more appropriate insight and support for the direction you choose to take willingly and consciously in your own life path.
Around the supper hour we both had had enough information offered from the other that it was decided to pack it in for the day. A lot of learning to digest for both of us. On the way to the hospital to see my new grandbaby discussion turned to the way JK Rowling cites astrological lore in key passages throughout her series. After that was explored we discussed some of the other children's literature and it's effect on those who read it. The Hobbit and The Lord of the Rings series, Star Wars, the Dark is Rising Series and Tales of Prydain. At the hospital, an uncomfortable squeeze into the cubicle with my son's wife's parents who had been present during the delivery, and my son's Dad with his mother and girlfriend. I really like the girlfriend and hate the way the other two treat her, as though she was lesser than them or even non-existent sometimes. I'm the one who insisted she have a turn to hold the new baby for example. She was afraid to accept my invitation, which tells me nothing has changed with my ex. A very old pattern of behaviour. When I finally arrived home tonight around 9:30 pm, walking from the hospital to catch the bus a few blocks away, that discussion continued with my youngest filling in where my sister's sister-in-law, adding in the Matrix series, and I had left off. Then we discussed Jungian analysis too. Interesting day. Hope tomorrow is much quieter though. Right some of the adult neighbours on the west side are out in the yard and the smell of some unusual burning is wafting into the room. Guess I better try to find out whether they're in their own space or doing harm to mine. Good night dear diary.
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