01:15 - 24.05.06
lunar T-square
I watched a program on SAS tactics tonight dear diary. Don't know why. I find it difficult to believe that one of the most secret spy groups would actually show their methods on television. For one thing it would be a primer for would-be bad guys, now wouldn't it. Still, it was interesting in an weird sort of way. Living vicariously really isn't my style, but I guess once in a while is ok.
Talked with family more about the bridal shower coming up this weekend - planning logistics. When I called my daughter-in-law, she was telling me about her search for child care for when she goes back to work next year. The waiting lists are so long and there are so few spaces, that even now there are no spots available until late winter and the prices are almost as much as a month's salary. Makes one wonder whether going back to work is worth it and I think that is something my daughter in law is wondering. She asked me if I'd had any more dragon dreams lately. I did last night but I don't recall much. We talked a little bit more about the obscure comment in the feng shui websites about the placement of the dragon so that it's breath was in the correct place. She allowed that in China that was considered very important and was calculated specifically for each person based on a number of personal data such as one's birthday. She also said it was necessary to bring in a witcher or a dowser. Being a modern person she feels that it is all superstition but even the oil companies here are known to hire dowsers and some of them do very well indeed. Don't think there's a pool of oil or gas under my home though - at least I hope not. An artesian spring or an aquifer would be ok though, although the government owns everything below six feet under. Hmmmmmmmmm.When we first moved into this home there did seem to be a spirit that wandered around in the front part of the basement - said he came with the glaciers and he was a cranky guest. Maybe the dragon's breath is so that he can find a peaceful rest, since my daughter-in-law says that it does have to do with aligning one's ancestors' good karma with one's progeny's destiny. Hmmmmmmmm again. Just superstition, but it can't hurt either can it. Got to do everything one can to make things positive for my grandchildren.
I was feeling pretty down today, so I thought I would look at my posts to you to see where I was a year ago. Often things brighten up when one can see progress or even simply survival. Because of certain astrological aspects that are repeating over a two year period - those Saturn things for one - I checked for those earlier times that echo in the present. Sometimes any positive hope to cling to is better than nothing. Yes well. My oldest raised the angst somewhat when he called to ask if the offer to bunk at this house was still open. Things still not going well in his partnership. He is welcome of course as are any of the boys. I don't think any of them would ask unless they'd run out of options and I don't want any of them ever thinking the door is closed at need. He hasn't called back since, so maybe things have settled again. Don't know. As I've noted before the only parenting technique I know for young men is to bite one's tongue and pray. I'm doing that as best I know how. I look at my totem photo on the side and remind myself that nothing is certain until it actually materializes and that is a good thing. The other downer was the notes from the liaison in Ottawa and the local rep. An affirmation that they knew I'd used more than my allotted hours for the one project and yet making another request for more time to be invested in some further planning. Now I still haven't received approval for the proposed changes to the site yet, so I can't proceed with the next step in planning. Given that I'd been denied payment for not asking before the next step last assignment I asked for approval for more hours before I dealt with the phone company as directed last week. The answer was "no" - you don't need to do that. So then where does that leave me. Catch 22. Add in that the one Returning Officer I spoke with today hasn't even begun the rental assignment, and doesn't seem to be disposed to do it any time soon, yet there seems to be no pressure on them. What am I missing here? Maybe that was the reason for the SAS story tonight. At least I can understand the motivations of the people involved in those stories.
The cats have been very sympathetic and have been trying to cuddle constantly all day. I seem to have the whole retinue following me wherever I go. However, there are certain times and places where I would prefer to be on my own. Now though I think I'll crawl into bed and try some amygdala exercises. The more stressed I am, the more I check out the placement of the planets. That's is sometimes all that kept me from jumping off a bridge when I was trying to bring up my six guys on my own. "Tomorrow, tomorrow, there's always tomorrow". One finds consolation and hope wherever they can. Some of my family - the ones who weren't around to provide any emotional or otherwise support through that time - tell me they think I'm strange as a result, but I can remind them that at least I do no harm and I don't break any laws, temporal or moral either. That's something isn't it? Maybe I'll dream of this new found Egyptian archaeological find or maybe the one off Indonesia; doubloons matey arrr. Oh yes another Pirates of the Caribbean to look forward to in a month. See those amygdala exercises are working already.
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