11:13 p.m. - 2004-07-30
Virtual Space
Um, well yes I was bit out of it by the time I wrote my post last night wasn't I? In my own defense I had been up since five am after a bad sleep - too much worrying about things I can't change - and had been going on steady until 10:30 in the PM on very little food. Add in hot muggy weather and a very heavy schedule and it was just not easy to write when I finally sat down around 11:30 pm or so.
The text of last night's post got quite strange by the end but not near as odd as when I had first written it. When I'm extremely tired there seems to be another level of consciousness that I float in that can express itself through me - almost like automatic writing. Interwoven through my story of the experiences of the day was an entire story about the persecution and harassment of a group of young adults who were trying their best to survive. Their crime was that they refused to go along with the vile behaviour of a lot of their peers and the adults drawing them into their circle. I did remove most of the story but I couldn't even see the "page"from about half way down. Wonder if I was tapping into the thoughts of the writer of the Harry Potter series, it would fit. Or maybe the narrative came from somewhere else. It seemed to me that I was one of the people in the story myself. parallel dimension, virtual space? Don't know. Occasionally during high school I would write papers under pressure that I could never recall doing later. Those are the papers where my grade was always over 90%. I would read them when they were handed back without being able tell guess what was in them. Just strange. Just as a FYI, I've already gone back and edited out the collective unconscious story from my post yesterday. I'd try reconstructing it but I just can't recall enough detail to make it worth while.
My supervisor called while we were out at the movie last night too. He just wanted to confirm that I would be going to the next assignment as of Tuesday - the first work day in August. Meet him the lobby downstairs first so he can escort me to the client.Good - I don't want to walk in by myself. Cowardly aren't I.
Now remember I just talked with my astrologer friend - a paid reading, that's how he makes his living after all - about a week ago. He was describing what August would be like as part of that process. Mercury retrograde - apparently moving backward across the horizon. Revisiting old ideas, beliefs, oh yes, and documents. That I'll be doing in spades. Cleaning up a mess made by someone else. Trouble in facilitating communication among the client's workforce - more than likely. Less income -well yes, but it's still a job and that's paying the bills right now. I'll polish up my resume this weekend - blue moon in Aquarius - and maybe give it a fresh twist here and there. Skinny Christmas I think were his exact words. Used to those, hate them, but I'd already picked up a few Christmas gifts and I'll continue to do that so that my sons aren't left out again. He spoke of restrictions and frustration with the workplace itself until Christmas. Well yes this is the client I don't wish to return to - that's why the updated resume to start putting out judiciously. The length of the contract? Until Christmas from what I've been told. The work looks tedious and at a skill level that is well below mine. However, that is how the job was described the last time I was assigned to work for this client. Turned out to provide an extensive amount of training that I would never had the opportunity to learn otherwise. I trust my supervisor but I would like to have more than "need to know" instructions with the posting. It would help me hang in there when things are unplesant. Guess I treat it just like the transition stage in labour. At that point the pain doesn't stop -just varies in intensity. If one can hang on to the practice of just focussing on the breathe, one can get through it a little less damaged. Just concentrate on inhaling Grasshopper. Now just concentrate on exhaling. Thats it, breathe in, breathe out. But through the heels? Never mind for now, dear diary. I'll explain that later.
Anyway I've had another very long day. Left for work at the same time as usual and napped on the train. Got off two stops early and walked - exercise and the opportunity to wake up you see. Focussed on getting as much of the research material sorted into the correct categories and stored properly. A strange change in security was announced first thing in the morning - only one door would be allowed for access to the office - no security cards would be programmed to work in any of the other 4 or 5 doors into the office. Curious - the explanation for the change didn't make much sense.
My co-worker didn't show up until just before noon, but that was a bit of a blessing anyway. I went in and told my liaison first thing that I would be done at the end of the day. Being on my own gave me an opportunity to say unpressured good-byes to some very nice people at my own speed. Popped in to see my chiropactor at noon. He's going away on holiday, so I wanted to get one last adjustment to tide me over until he returns. Bumped in to the liaison for the next contract coming back to the office. She seemed very pleased and excited to have me coming back. I guess that's a good sign - right? Worked away until 4:30 then handed in my security card and office key. The adminstrator asked if I'd be willing to leave my name and phone number with her so she could post it on the company contact list. Her rationale was that then if any work came up they'd be able to track me down. She said something as an aside about one of the scientists wanting the information gathered. Glad they liked my work, gives me hope that something might open up later that would allow me to come back to this workplace. That would really make me happy.
Next up I hopped in to a cab - I'd missed the train and I had invited all my guys over for supper to celebrate number three son's birthday. I didn't want to be late for that. My son actually was born July 24, but wasn't free to come that day. Choices of food? Chinese with fresh fruit and ice cream for dessert. Pop and Nachos on the side. Number three and five son left just before I sat down to write this post, so I'm having the same stream of consciousness take over and write another different story altogether. I think I've edited all of that out this time though - let me know will you?
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