13:36 - 05/22/2022
Stress
I can explain dear diary: it has been crisis after crisis since last I wrote to you. Thinking back over the past eleven months has been a bit painful.
To continue: The weather went on to have three stretches of 10 days of plus 30 weather. Added in to that was the second immunization. Sent my body into major medical revolt. My blood sugar spiralled out of control; the histamine reaction in every single cell of my body caused a great deal of pain, disorientation, and lethargy. I asked my doctor to change my meds to help me cope. That was not the best decision, but more on that later. It was, and still is, a very expensive and messy experiment.
At the beginning of summer, two of my sons and their families were renovicted. The housing market was so hot financially, that landlords by the drove, were selling their properties out from under their tenants by evicting them, claiming they needed to undertake renovations. That's the "easiest" way to break a lease, of course. Problem was, of course, that affordable rental properties all but disappeared. At one point, I was trying to figure out how I was going to fit another ten people and five pets into my tiny home. They did eventually find something by the end of August, but it was a very expensive and stressful time. I did end up with two more cats and my eldest son taking up residence in my home.
Come September, - the length of time it took me to get back on my feet physically - it was nearing the first anniversary of the boys' Dad's death. Add in the over stress of the summer drama, long buried energies of a negative sort, started to cause a lot of quarelling among my sons. It became very unpleasant. As a Mom I tried to mediate, but as you can guess, it only made things worse. I became the target of a lot of hidden angst. It seemed it became all my fault, although a lot of the distress was generated decades ago. There were frictions of which I had no knowledge, as well as, the stirring of the emotional pot by their Dad and his mom and sister, raising it's multiple heads all together. In my defense, at the time cited, I was just learning how to keep my sons together, food in their bellies, and a roof over our heads by carrying two fairly demanding jobs. I was working 16 to 18 hours every single day. I was so exhausted that the inside of my bones hurt. Financially it was, and still is, brutal. I am so thankful for my bank. If it hadn't been for them, we all would have been living under a bridge. However the stress was much less than living with the boys' Dad, so I coped with skills I had before the tsunami of bad things hit. My coping mechanism for the next four months - until Christmas - became watching how the British Royal family coped with their very public family meltdown. Rupert Murdoch is just a plain evil and cruel person. Anything to sell his filthy newspapers. Sigh.
I feel really tired now, so I will stop there before I get to this new year, dear diary. Hopefully I will find the energy to talk with you soon.
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