23:58 - 26.07.07
Two Step
Belated Happy Birthdays to number three son and number one son's partner. Two days in a row. Communicated briefly with both, although number three son seemed rather busy sharing his special day with various female friends.
It had rained for a long time last night dear diary, with snare drum rolls of thunder for accompaniment. The result was a lovely, cool day yesterday. The upshot was that I reveled in doing the simple everyday household tasks like laundry and dishes. Trying to catch up three lost weeks of labour. Another day of odd bursts of energy that made me feel "normal", but not long enough to sustain a task such as working with the self-study guides one of my son's co-workers had sent home for me so that I would have more computing skills to add to my resume. When the portable intravenous pump was removed a week ago, it dawned on me that my job search had also been disrupted by that same three week window. I started to feel panicky. There wasn't and isn't anything I could have done to change that, given I couldn't have managed an interview in my state of health, but it is frustrating to be trying so hard and to find continuous and endless barriers and obstacles in my path. What am I doing wrong? I did manage to send out two resumes yesterday, for positions that I think I would be a fit. It's a start.
One of the challenges lately seems to be a constant need to set and reset my personal boundaries in a variety of ways. Yesterday the landlord for the other half of the duplex was at it again. He had chopped down more of the hedge. When I spoke with him about it he snarled "how are you going to prove it?" I said very quietly that my son had taken pictures of the both my tree and the hedges previously. He had his maintenance man with him, but nearly blew sky high anyway. He said I wasn't to call or talk to him anymore and that he could become a lot nastier than he had been. He seemed to be implying, to my way of thinking, that he felt he was entitled to become more aggressive now. He pointed at his side of the duplex and stated that he was the owner and had rights. I agreed, but added that they stopped on his side of the property. He then said I might as well call the police if I had further complaints, because he would not discuss it with me anymore. Given I had only called him twice - once to raise the complaint the first time and once to let him know I had arranged to have the overhanging branches of my poplar tree removed so as to address his complaint about it, I was at a loss to respond. The workman smiled at me without saying anything and I don't really know what he was thinking. Later, while I was trying to read the Deathly Hallows through a second time, they were talking together beside my open window out back, it sounded as though he was encouraging the landlord to be moderate and not vengeful. Oi. On the other side of the duplex there must have been some discussion about the hedge being cut too (same landlord) among the three women sitting out in their lawnchairs later that afternoon. I was sitting at my computer working on my job applications when the one young girl piped up loudly enough for me to hear "yeah and I want you to cut these bushes closest to our door because it is too hard to get into their yard right now." The entire purpose of those hedges is to stop that from happening. Do I have to build a big fence for the front yard too?.
There was one of my siblings whom I hadn't talked with about the renovations to my home, because they had been travelling. The one other sibling I knew had not been involved, had agreed that they and their partner would stay out of whatever actions appear to be underway. They had confirmed the behind-my-back meetings among the others, so I just wanted to ensure that my other sibling would also stay out of the plot - if there really is one. When I tracked the one last sibling down they denied having been involved in any of that discussion, but then went on to describe in detail some of the actions that had occurred even though they have been out travelling the past month. "They're only doing it because they love you". Oh yesssss. The fact that the sibling denied being involved in the meetings indicated to me that they knew the behaviour was inappropriate and that they shouldn't be involved. They agreed that they would remain uninvolved too. Maybe I'm over-reacting.
Today I woke up with a weather migraine that lasted most of the day. Having to address the two boundary issues of the day before had robbed me of sleep, so I was tired into the bargain. I felt edgy and frustrated - depressed. I had been reading the on-line monographs for the antibiotics I am taking now and apparently those feelings are common side effects of the drugs as well, so I decided to ignore them and try to provide myself with the same sense of achievement as I had yesterday. One foot forward at a time and at some point the barriers have to fall. The tide seemed to turn with news from numbers four and six sons. My youngest announced that the classroom part of his driving lessons were over and that he had passed his exam with honours. It is obvious that the training has changed his awareness of traffic issues, based on his comments about what he now sees going on on the road. Yay! Number four son had called to ask if I would babysit my youngest grandson when his wife returned to work mid-August. With bells on, of course. I am hoping I can find some work that either lets me work from home or that will allow me to work my hours around my son's wife's part-time hours. My grandson started walking just a couple of days ago, so I am guessing I will get quite a workout playing with him. Wonder if he will enjoy some Harry Potter stories, eh?
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