02:21 - 26.01.07
ice jam; flow
Happy Birthday Etta James.
I haven't been able to sleep the past couple of nights. I feel as though I need to put closure to a few long standing issues and the doors for those opportunities are open now. Since I can't predict how long they may remain available I have wanted to act as soon as possible. Means staying awake through the night to write and send the communications required. Now that I've taken the steps that I felt necessary it feels as though a lot of dammed up energy has been released that can be put to better use. I don't feel blocked or anxious anymore. Well except for the issue of my youngest and his trip to Ohio. It turns out there is really just one person who he wants to spend time with. Much older than him and no clear reason why on her part. My intuition says she's looking fo a vehicle to further her own ends without caring about the person she uses. I could be completely wrong of course but listening to that inner voice when it is practically screaming for attention has been a hard worn lesson. If their meeting was to occur in our country I would feel much better but travelling to another country where laws and their interpretation can be vastly different leaves my son very vulnerable even if there is no bad intent. My youngest and I have had some intense discussion about it but we can't seem to come to a compromise. His buddy came by last night to hook up for a bowling match. He said he'd been looking for someone willing to travel and tour England with him - something my son has wnated to do too. Since the cost to fly to both places is almost identical an investment in play time with a buddy he knows and trusts in a place that neither of them know well seems much more reasonable. Maybe the friend in Ohio could join them there. Neutral ground and circumstances that way.
Guess I just have to pray that the blockages that are releasing for me also release positive energy that will also be available for my youngest and his brothers too. Number five son called today you see. His birthday was almost two weeks ago and my birthday is this weekend. Last year we weren't able to connect because of the election and major challenges in both our lives. Job changes and sickness for example. Trying to make certain that doesn't happen this go round. Finances a major barrier in that. I know that the most important part is just spending time together but it would be nice to celebrate surviving another year of challenges a little more so. Whine with cheese - we still are breathing and moving and there is always tomorrow - right?
Today was a bit of a challenge at my son's home too. You see there was a jack hammer symphony being performed in the alley behind my son's house. Made the furnishings on the inside rattle and hum. My grnddaughter found the noise really upsetting. She couldn't sleep at nap time and was quite fussed by the end of the day. She probably would have been ok except that her teeth are still really hurting her over different times of the day. Being that I was really tired from my all night writing spree, I wasn't all that much of a distraction either. Too little energy for me to put on a good performance for her. My son had dropped by the daycare she is signed up to attend at the end of next month. He said the woman who will be looking after my granddaughter was of the sturdy Eastern European stock. Scared my granddaughter who is used to considerably more diminutive women like her mom, me and our female relatives. I doubt that the new caregiver at the daycare will have the time or temperment to put on performances to entertain her when she is fussed. Wish I could find work that would allow me to keep on looking after little Miss Curiosity. Maybe releasing all that pent up, blocked and restricted energy will help me find a solution. One can always hope - right? I'll ask for it as a birthday gift. We'll see - that's why I like that photo on the left hand side of this page dear diary. Things aren't always what they seem. Sometimes that is a very good thing and in family matters right now I am going to take it as my mantra. Aum. Good night dear diary.
�
�
