00:20 - 30.08.06
One of those days
So it started on Sunday. First there were the reports of multiple attacks and some murders of young adults all over the city. Then next door, there was the death cry of some poor animal. Very early morning hours - short, sharp, but absolute. Being that I woke up out of a dead sleep I wasn't certain whether the sound had been from the dreaming I had been doing which seemed to parallel that incident. It was only later when I was sitting and working at the computer, that a conversation between the children and the mom next door brought it into reality. The children wanted her to take the animal to the veterinarian for care, but she had to explain that there was nothing the vet could do. At first I thought that it was one of their cats, but I've seen all of their pets around since. It must have been a stray or one of the pets that some owners leave out all night. Not a good choice in a neighbourhood where coyotes sometimes still wander at nights.
Monday morning my youngest advised me he wasn't going into work. He wanted to stay home and read his new school books. That's great, but he has run up some debts buying electronics over the past few months. He can't quit the day job until he has paid those off. Pointed that out and I could see he hadn't fully considered that aspect of his responsibilities. Being 18 that isn't such a serious error, especially since he's living at home, but he needs to think things through just a little bit more before he makes such significant changes.
I had made arrangements to meet one of my favorite workmates from several years ago for lunch. Nothing out of the ordinary - she is just one of the people I really do miss. Given a lot of the people I've dealt with over the years, I treasure having the privilege of knowing someone like her. Left home and transited downtown. One guy on the train obviously trying to charm the young woman he was courting. After a while it became obvious that he was one of those "big talkers" too. The more one heard "you know what I mean" inserted into the conversation, the bigger the tale - you know what I mean. The language became a lot fouler at the same time the lies got bigger as well. I wanted to tap the young lady on the shoulder to tell her to "RUN", but they were both in their 20's so it wasn't feasible.
My hip has really been bothering me for a while, because I haven't been to see my chiropractor since I got sick. Last appointment was end of February. At first I didn't go to see him because I couldn't make it out of bed, let alone downtown. Later it was because there just hasn't been enough money coming in to pay his fee. I think if I asked he would waive or wait for a payment until I'm doing better financially, but I hate having to ask or put him in an uncomfortable position either. As a result, I walk a lot like Festus on Gunsmoke. That nice rolling cowboy gait you know. Bleagh. Add in that the sole of my one sandal split as I was walking and it was just more exaggerated. At one street light a couple of the males there before me turned to look at me as I came up behind them. Maybe I did look a spectacle, but it wasn't intentional you know.
Reached the restaurant early and just people watched. When my friend arrived the first thing she said was "gosh I wish I wasn't so fat" as she tried to slide into the booth. I don't think she's really gained any weight, but she was really having a problem with her self image that day. She said she had a new supervisor who was really playing the "I'm the boss" gig. It is making her job a lot harder. We agreed that it was probably because the new person felt insecure. It doesn't help to know that though, when someone constantly interrupts one's work-flow to demand you do something else, even though the other task is not as important as the task being done immediately "because I said so". Just as quickly, that new boss changes directions again "do this immediately" before the previous new task assigned is completed. Means my friend now is working on several projects all uncompleted, but with little control over when she'll be able to get back to complete any of them. That means extra time will be wasted as she tries to recall where it was she left off. I told my tale of woe from the past year too. Venting with someone you trust is always important, but I hardly wanted to add to the negatives so I tried to keep it short. Her one son had been very ill last fall too and is still under medical care. He had just been married, so it was a rough start to the union for certain. She and her hubby had been on holidays during their son's medical crisis, so they spent a lot of time on the internet and telephone when they should have been enjoying their first cruise ever. Just a tough year all around for her, I think. At her workplace there are very strict rules for how long one can be away from the office, so we had to end the conversation before we had really been able to talk over all that we needed to. She had a pasta dish, while I had french onion soup and chicken salad served in an ice cream cup. Most of the rest of the menu was heavily into grain based dishes, so that was all I could have. Fortunately it was all delicious. She seemed sort of tentative when we said good bye so I felt really badly that she hadn't enjoyed the visit.
Headed off for the mall while she went back to work. I was waiting for my sisters to arrive for another get together you see. That was the reason for the one phone call this weekend. I wasn't willing to cancel on my friend so I asked if we could meet later in the day. Headed for the one herbal store I like to see if I could get the tincture I use for asthma attacks. There's been a lot of really bad pollution and smoke days this year, so my supply that I bought at the beginning of July is already gone. The woman who owns the store was there. We got to talking about things family, as we searched her wares for something that might work as a substitute for that tincture. She was all out, you see. She is the youngest of seven girls in her family, born in Asia Minor, and I'm the oldest of five children, born here. She allowed that she really wanted to go meet up with them. Where were they? Touring Greece, she said. She said she was going to a local church that had services in Greek so she could learn the language. Free lessons were offered. It seemed she thought I might gain some knowledge if I attended too. At that point my cell phone rang - my sisters were parked outside and wanting me to meet them immediately. I would have liked to spend a little more time talking about Greece and travel, since she seemed to want to explain more of the process, but we had also been searching the internet for some information on cortisol and it's effects on one's health. I thought it might be more important for her to have that information so she could use it when she worked with some of her customers. As a result, I didn't remember to get the name of the church she was going to before I left. Guess I'll have to go back to see her, since that travel theme keeps inserting itself into my life.
Walked out to the street and found one sister waiting to escort me to where the other sister had parked. We headed up to my Dad's store to pick him up next. As we drove into that parking lot the sister's, who had been waiting for me at the corner, husband drove up too. He's the one with the arthritis who uses the alternate meds I buy in Chinatown. Coincidence, I guess, since my brother-in-law does business with my Dad. He's grown a beard on a dare from my nieces and it actually looks good on him. I asked if he was going for the mountain man look for winter. Touchy subject since snow is expected to fall on our mountains tomorrow. Not everyone is ready for that reminder yet. He headed inside while my Dad joined us in the van. He really wanted dim sum and he wanted to go to the restaurant of the gentleman who has bought the building where my Dad's store is located. I think they've developed a friendship that my Dad really enjoys.
Arrived near the mall where that restaurant is located. First we saw police tape and then the cars. At the first mall entrance about ten of them with all their lights flashing. I suggested that maybe it would be better if we chose another restaurant just for today. I explained that I had a really bad feeling about being in that mall. It is one of the places where there have been drive-by shootings and knife fights. You see, there is a gang war that has become quite intense being fought out among young drug dealers of different ethnic backgrounds. This mall seems to be at the hub of the conflict. That relates back to the first comments I made in this post to you, dear diary. The police are very worried that soon it will escalate to where bystanders will be hurt too. That notwithstanding my Dad and sisters still wanted to go into the mall. The sister driving said if I hadn't made them push back the time for meeting with them, we would already have had our orders filled. Great. Then we would have been inside the mall when the trouble first erupted. However, she drove to two other entrances trying to find a way in, even though I repeated that I really wasn't willing to go in the building. The same sight greeted us at each of those entrances too. More yellow tape and at least a half dozen police vehicles at each. My sister finally gave up, but not with really good grace nor was my Dad happy. He said he really wanted dim sum. I suggested a couple of other places that have that feature, but he didn't want to go to any of those. On the news later in the evening, the story said that there was a bomb threat in that mall and that is why it had been cordoned off. I suspect that even if we had managed to make our way into the mall without being charged by the police for tampering with a criminal investigation - or some such term - that the restaurant staff wouldn't have been willing to return to the building to look after our orders. Just a guess though.
Ther are rows of restaurants near that ill-starred mall, so we finally settled on an Italian style place. I had an appetizer of mussels, while the others all ordered the soup, salad and pasta special. I'm not certain why the driving sister was cranky, but it made conversation difficult. It was as though she wanted to control who spoke and what was discussed. At one point, when the others were talking about vacation plans she stated that she "knew" that my dream was to have an apartment in Paris for a holiday. I had just told her, when she called last weekend, that I would rather do myself in than live in an apartment - yes it was a slight hyperbole - and I don't recall ever saying anywhere or at any time, that living in Paris was my dream vacation. I said so quite bluntly because I was a bit stunned by the rather forceful pronouncement on her part. I mentioned my wish to go to Egypt and Greece, then India then England, Austalia, New Zealand, Scotland ... but that I still didn't have enough airmiles to cover all the costs. Confusing. It got even worse after that. At one point we were talking about taking transit. I added my two cents worth, by telling about some of the funny scenes I had witnessed travelling that way. She interrupted to ask if I told everyone how to think. Ummm well, maybe she didn't hear what I was actually saying. Later we were talking about school days as teens. She was commenting that she had slid through junior high on my reputation. Apparently the teachers cut her a lot of slack, because I had managed such high marks. She started in on favourtism, but I pointed out I had no control over what those teachers thought or felt. I was long gone from the school by the time that sister arrived for classes. I got high marks because I was a nerd, thank you very much. I loved learning and enjoyedreading,writing and science. It was just what I wanted to do. I was in a couple of clubs and I loved working in the library on my breaks. Avoidance of the other students who were all into - well adolescent stuff. Could have been that the hand me downs had something to do with it, but I didn't really want to wear what everyone else was anyway. Rather than try to fit in or compete with the other girls, I babysat or worked when I wasn't at school. I also noted that she should thank me since, as the oldest, I had often covered for her and the other sisters when they had been naughty. She started in with "Mary Poppins, and little miss perfect". Well I know very well I wasn't, but I hadn't started the conversation nor fed any of discussion about it. It was my Dad who had said something nice about me. I chose not to respond to the tongue lashing but I was puzzled that it was occurring. After that she sat beside my other sister pointing at various females in the restaurant and making rude remarks about them. Maybe that's the way menopause is manifesting through her, but maybe she should accept some responsibility for her behaviour in public regardless. Maybe I should just ignore her and focus on my own plate. Right dear diary? The one topic of conversation that I was allowed to introduce was movies and that went a long way for a more positive discussion. I miss "family time", but the last couple of years it hasn't been a very pleasant experience for some reason. Don't know how to account for the change in behaviour. Don't know how to proceed on that front.
I was dropped of at home just after 4 in the pm. I walked in, rousted my youngest out from his first day of studying and dragged him off to the grocery store. He was actually rather pleased with the trip by the end of it though. There were a lot of really good sales and the loyalty points piled up again. He went off to get supper for us - Pho - while I traipsed up and down the aisles. Called for a cab to help us bring everything home, while he stepped outside. Right after I hung up he came back into the store to tell me not to step outside. Now what? While we had been shopping a wind from the southwest had blown in, carrying heavy smoke from the forest fires on the Washington/British Columbia border. It was so thick it was hard to see, let alone breathe. I didn't have the tincture I needed for such times, because I hadn't been able to find anything at that one store earlier. Within about 10 minutes of being outside one could taste the smoke inside one's mouth and it was really acrid. Don't know what else was burning besides the trees, but it was definitely not fit for humans to breathe. Arrived at our door and found it had been unlocked again. Guess I really need to get serious about new security hardware, but since I'm still not working on an assignment I really can't afford to be spending money I don't have. The election work pays the basic bills, but nothing else. No deadbolts and no chiropractors for me right now. I know whine with cheese. At least we have a roof over our heads and food on the table. Right dear diary? The cats were all really stressed and hid as soon as we walked in. They were shivering and crying, so I really do think someone was inside again. Got them settled then put the food away. Made supper, changed litter boxes, then tended to emails and such.
I was just thinking a nap would be useful when the phone rang. It was number three son. He had smashed his hand in the electirc garage door and wanted some help. When I asked about it, he said he was more concerned with the fact the door was broken than that his right hand might also be in the same condition. Why? Because both his van and his Dad's car were blocked inside the garage and his Dad was really angry about it. Was his Dad there? Yes. Won't he help you with your hand. No - he won't. He was blaming number three son for the problem - the broken door that has been that way for over a year - and said that was the reason he wouldn't help his own son. His take was that number three son didn't "deserve" having basic medical needs met.
That triggered all sorts of flashbacks to times when he was still at this home. Withholding food, shelter needs like electricity, clothing, access to medical care, or transportation. It was always my fault he wouldn't - I never did anything well enough. The fact that his paycheque went on booze, cigarettes, drugs and his partying had nothing to do with the unpaid bills of course. My part time work often was all the money there was for basics. Anyway tried to set those feelings aside so I could help my son through his stress. He was really upset, but seemed to be afraid to help himself medically until he had that garage door fixed. Afraid what his Dad would do about it. I can remember being punished by his Dad for asking for help under similar circumstances, so even though from an observer's point of view the behaviour didn't make sense, I understood where he was coming from. Survival from the Dad's wrath comes before medical care you see. Anyway number three son said he had called the only 2 24 hour repair services he could find in the yellow pages and hadn't received a response from either. I searched on the internet and found several more. Borrowed my youngest's cell phone and started leaving messages on the other businesses answering machines, because I wanted to keep number three son on the phone. Safer that way in case he was more seriously hurt than he had allowed and that way he could also supply information if I did track a real person down. After about the sixth call a gentleman finally answered. It was already 9:30 and he lived across town.
When he heard my son had been injured though he said he would try to be over there within the hour. I think he already knew that the door likely was't reparable, but he really seemed concerned about my son's welfare. A perfect stranger driving cross town just to check on him. He did manage to help my son get his van out of the garage though and after looking at his hand suggested he get it dealt with before he went to bed. My son asked if I'd go with him to the hospital emergency room and I agreed. When I talked with the gentleman today, to thank him for his kindness, he allowed it wasn't even his business. He was covering off for his brother who was on vacation. He said he was actually a finishing carpenter. Carpenters in this city can pick and choose their work right now. A lot of people can't find anyone to do their construction or renos these days. Yet even so, this man took the time to drive across town late at night to check on a stranger. He refused payment from me or my son, saying he had kids the same age and he just wanted me to pass on the favour when a situation arose that I could assist in. Even so number three son has a thank card and a gift certificate for him already. I think psychologically being shown by an adult male his father's age that he was valued, did more for my son's health than any doctor could have done for him at that time. He had been feeling really beaten down before that time.
Anyway, number three son arrived at my home around 11 pm. I looked at his hand at that point. It was really swollen but there was no broken skin, no bones sticking through anywhere and no pain. He had full movement except, of course, where flexing through the swelling was concerned. I immediately calmed down, because I realized it was likely not as serious as it first had presented. The carpenter had thought there might be torn ligaments, so even though my son's health care benefits won't kick in for a couple of months (he changed jobs a month ago and benefits start after three months on the job), we decided to go to the emergency ward as a precaution. The same hospital ward where that poor woman miscarried last month. When we arrived, we realized that the whole ward was full and overflowing. It was likely going to be several hours, with a non life-threatening injury, before he would be seen.
Since I have a lot of experience wrapping all sorts of sprains, strains and various wounds, I asked if he would allow me to massage and wrap his hand for him. That way he could get some sleep and then go to the clinic by his new worksite at about the time he would likely be seen if we remained in the emergency ward. I wanted to be certain he felt that he was in control and that his take on his needs was respected. After the treatment he'd had from his Dad, it was important to me that his sense of his own value was rebuilt as much as possible.
He agreed, so we popped into the all night drug store a block from home for supplies, then headed for my kitchen table. I palpated the hand and it seemed to me that nothing was broken nor was there any dislocation. Bonus. Massaged the swelling around the knuckles til it went down a bit, then put on a topical pain killer and wrapped it with a tensor bandage. As we were finishing up, the alarm went off in his van. Oh great. Nothing like theft to finish off the day. The three of us, numbers three and six sons and me, went rushing outside to try and catch whoever it was. The van was parked just off an alley way so I guess whoever it was went running off that way when they heard the front door open. Didn't really care. Walked with number three son around the van just in case someone had got inside, but it was all clear. He climbed in and headed off home while my youngest and I calmed the cats down. Number one son arrived home about then and had the full report while he ate supper. Number three son called today to say that his hand seemed fine and he hadn't gone to the clinic after all. All well that ends well I guess. And it's time to go to bed again. Good night dear diary.
�
�
