15:31 - 25.06.06
Disclaimer
I loved the Get Fuzzy comic yesterday. Nice finesse on poking fun at Canadian politics. Of course the reason we love - or otherwise - animals and children so much is that they tend to remove the distortions from the fun house mirrors that we normally call reality. "And a little child shall lead them."
The sad part is that we create a lot of those distortions without really meaning to do it somedays. When I was liaising to the press for some of the volunteer committees I was working with, some of the most instructive days I had were the day after an article was printed about our activities. Sometimes it was because the reporter didn't understand or reflect accurately what was represented to them, but just as often it was how someone else projected their experiences or beliefs - or lack thereof - in very dysfunctional ways onto what was read, so that what they thought they comprehended had no connection to the reality. Those were the people who would call my home in the middle of the night screaming that our committee was responsible for "destroying the family" because we were lobbying to have a school built within 20 miles of our community. I would make the mistake of trying to clarify what was going on, only to find myself trying to navigate some of the most bizarre "logic". It was usually rooted in the caller's traumatic childhood experiences - "all teachers are evil because my grade three teacher ...." and therefore schools are the source of all society's problems (I think this is the root of a lot of the odd material published out of the Fraser Institute) - or their physical experiences - "one time I was walking past a school and the roof caved in. I was almost killed when the walls fell on me" - as the reason why building a school was dangerous. Admittedly sometimes too it was my fault for not explaining things as clearly as was necessary. When one has worked unstintingly on a project for half a dozen years or so, one tends to believe that everyone else knows all the details and background on the effort. Sometimes it is really important to go back to the beginning of a project or quest to explain the real drivers that make it important to achieve, moreso than the technical details of the process or the politics/negotiations that had to be engaged in to get there in the physical reality.
More thought was triggered on the issue of how resumes are written that reflect one's work history from one's own point of view - what was a task and what was a goal,for example. How do you distinguish those clearly for a reader that you don't know anything about. Why is it important to state those too? Then there was my little diatribe about those married men who appear, through my perceptions and beliefs, to feel that they don't have to work at making their marriage work. When things get tough they just go out and have an affair, causing harm to at least two women if not their whole family groupings, not to mention their workplaces when the behaviour becomes known - and it almost always does, boyos. At one workplace one one-night stand meant the birth of a child, a large legal settlement because it was a supervisor-staff liaison and it tore apart the very cohesive and effective work team that that supervisor had painstakingly built over the period of a decade. Add in the loss of his reputation and standing with his peers and those he supervised, the humiliation of his spouse and children as well as the damage to the professional reputation of the female involved and it became a major disaster that played out over the next five years or so. Those kind of thoughts were driving my rant, but I realized when I reread it that I hadn't been really clear on a couple of points like that and had therefore been guilty of what bothers me most about other people sometimes. Broadbrush stereotyping at it's finest, eh?
When I reached my last milestone birthday, my one resolution was to cut out all toxic people and situations from my life. After all, I had tried to save a marriage for nearly 20 years when it was likely a doomed proposition after a decade of existence. I didn't realize that then, but a lot of other people told me that they knew that - after I had finally been able to sever those ties. Of course they had no knowledge of how dangerous things were from my perspective for both my sons and me and they didn't understand why I was so cautious about rocking the boat in the marriage, when I was more than comfortable doing it on a regular basis within our society's social hierarchy. I don't believe anyone should stay in a toxic or dangerous relationship - male or female. All it does is continue to pollute and infect the people closest to you - like your children, your family, friends, and co-workers/peers. However, failing to try and negotiate a better understanding between two people who are essentially good matches - whether in a marriage or a friendship - by actively cheating on them with someone else, creates the very conditions the cheater says they are running from. Those are childish responses - make the other person jealous or so afraid of losing you (losing what, really) that they accept any neglect or abuse that the cheater opts to dish out. Everyone makes bad choices and it is reasonable to allow second chances for others just as you hope others will give to you when you mess up, but as a regular behaviour pattern it isn't acceptable.
So dear diary, that is my disclaimer and apology if I hurt any of your sensitive or vulnerable electrons. I am very sorry if my lack of clarity caused any pain. That wasn't my intention and never would be.
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