01:12 - 27.02.06
Pondering
Not a lot to say tonight. Started stair climbing again. The cats can't quite figure out if this is a good thing or a bad thing. Miss Kitty loves the ribbon game and she is jealous when the other felines come to play. Ms Snowy brings her mouse and tosses it around and about my feet as I try to navigate the narrow steps. The boys and Wildfire chase each other around thinking that I'll stop and join in their game I think. More sensible play to their way of thinking.
I'm continuing with the movie therapy that seems to aimed at helping me move back into a normal pattern of thought - or maybe it is just a coming to an agreement to accept certain cultural beliefs and norms that don't really exist in real life. Don't know. I watched Hitch tonight with my youngest. I love Will Smith as an actor, the storyline was funny and I loved the music. Unbelievable the plot, but funny. I was reading something about the concern the producers or studio had about having a film portraying a romance between two people of different ethnic backgrounds. The idea that anyone would still find that offensive leaves me wondering - well never mind. If the discussion of biological warfare based on the use of destructive bacteria being keyed on a specific cluster of genetic conditions that define a particular race is true, then the only humans likely to survive an all out battle of the botanists is going to be those of mixed ancestry now isn't it. So much for romance, eh? Besides anyone who truly believes their lineage is "pure blood" is dreaming in technicolour. That is what ignorance of history allows one to do, I suppose. War equals rape equals babies of multi-heritages. Guess the video therapy hasn't taken hold yet. Collective illusions still don't have much appeal for me.
Did more digging with respect to things astrological tonight. Don't know why. I didn't get paid by elections canada as they had commited to do at the beginning of the event. That extra paycheque for the 20 extra days that the event covered you see. But then again that is typical of them. Promise fair treatment but deliver as little of that as possible. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so cynical. Do I expect fair treatment with respect to the evaluation process. Not really, it hasn't been a feature of employment with them to date so it would be unrealistic to expect change at this juncture wouldn't it. I'm not really moving forward on the employment front yet because I'm thinking through those aspects of both careers right now. The last few months have been pretty brutal and I'm tired of the garbage. I don't know that any other form of employment would work out to be less dirty politics and more just working to make a living but maybe this is the time to try some other path. I need to pay bills but do I need anything more than that? Well yes, I need to repair my home and ensure that I have enough to get on with. Question is how much is that? Can I get by with less? Don't know. This coming month is one I had planned to just rebuild some sense of self again independent of issues around work. Maybe that's why I'm more focused on the intuitive and non-rational forms of thought. I have collected a lot of books about the thought processes of several leading thinkers/scientists like Rupert Sheldrake and Nikola Tesla. I think rather than buying into the collective illusions of the marketers and shills that abound in our culture there have to be more solid values that I can comfortably work with to build into the future. To this point my striving has all been around keeping my home together to ensure my sons were properly raised and that is done. What most other people I have to associate with strive for beyond that seems pointless to me, but then what does matter. Don't really know right now. Think it's time for bed though.
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