11:52 PM - 02.04.05
plan A
I was still a bit "hungover" from the nightmare the night before when I wrote to you last night dear diary. Not exactly coherent was I. I've gone back and edited a bit, so that it makes sense, but quite frankly too many images were being resurrected to stay with the work very long. Wrestle the words to the page was the best I could manage. What wasn't mentioned was that throughout the whole of the sequences I found it very hard not to throw up. The dreaming me was crying and vomiting into a bucket - probably a garbage can - for all the parts where I was talking on the telephone. It's been a while since I experienced something that violent. That's why musicals and comedies are my favorite kinds of movies. The brain seems to be able to produce some really awful stories without any assistance, thank you very much.
Throughout most of my adult life there has usually been one friend or confidante, who had similar experiences with intuition and dreaming. One who was always available to talk and vice versa. No matter if it was the middle of the night or not. Just someone who could perceive what was manifesting without having to have long explanations. Someone who could relate to what was happening. Since I've had to be back at work full time there hasn't been anyone like that in my life to take that role. My aboriginal friend and I still talk - when she's around - and the woman who first took me under her wing when I didn't know how to handle what I sometimes saw is still in my life, but I think only for a short time. Gone back home to Australia for a while.
I met her when I was having visions, or whatever, of a business class airplane crashing into the school that my sons were attending. The plane bursting in to flames on impact and incinerating everyone on board, while 25 portable classrooms filled with children and their teachers were demolished when they were hit by said plane. That nightmare began to occur even when I was awake - playing over and over. When it finally reached the point where I was experiencing it during parent council meetings - hard to be a chairperson when that's going on - I talked with the principal about it. Being that he was an intuitive himself and must have seen something similar, he didn't call for the orderlies "they're coming to take us away", just asked how I wanted to handle it. I went to the woman in question, because she was the longest established and most respected seer in the city at the time. I wanted to be assured that there was no possibility of the dream becoming a reality. Her response was simply that what one can see can be changed. She showed me how to work through that, mentioning that on occasion airline pilots had come to her with similar dreams. Some of the techniques are discussed in Carlos Castenada's earlier works. She took me under her tutelage - for free - and helped me a great deal just by sharing her own experiences.
The people who shared the same path with me, one by one? We would "find" each other just through serendipity. A chance comment or observation, opening the door to that mutual support. In the industry that I work in now I have never encountered anyone to replace the friends who walked on, when the time came, to follow different challenges. It isn't surprising given the nature of the work. There are those in the industry who dabble or skim the New Age philosophies, but it is always treated as a competition or something that is only valuable if it can generate a profit. It is one of the things about being an at home parent/volunteer that I really miss. Last night I really needed someone who I could talk with about those nightmares. It was one of those times where I remembered that sense of safety and belonging that comes when one was tiny and could climb onto the lap of a safe adult and just feel protected. No one like that in my life for a long time. Guess the lesson is to be able to stand on one's own two feet without the support, just like in the waking world. The two lessons have coincided and converged. Don't know how to think about that.
This morning my phone rang early on. It was the one recruiter from the agency I now work for. She said that her partner had been off yesterday and that was why I hadn't gotten a response about my paycheque. She said she usually does up payroll on Saturdays and so had not checked the other partner's voicemail until this morning to see if there were any issues she had to address. Apparently my cheque had been mailed last Saturday with all the others. She said there had been no other complaints about things going missing. What to do? Well again, it could just be a delay because of the two statutory holidays, but that doesn't help me much when I'm trying to ensure all my bills and e-payments are caught up. Made alternate arrangements for the future and agreed that we'd wait until after mail delivery on Monday before dealing with the current missing wages.
She was concerned about me being short of funds for the weekend, and I appreciated that, but just said that was my responsibility to deal with. Truth was as long as I know the money will be available next week I can make other arrangements to tide me over. Number four son offered to help out in the interim as well. I was getting ready to go look at the inside of the office building I want to rent, so I mentioned that I had other sources of income that were available to me too. It's nice to have an employer who will take the time and responsibility to deal with such things. Remember what happened over Christmas and New Years at the last place I worked.
Shortly after that conversation, my tech swung by and picked me up so that we could look at the office space the landlord has made available. We needed to decide how we were going to deal with the security issues and the technical problems that will arise from having our offices spread through a couple of floors with very little all in one place this time. The landlord's rep promised to try and free up some space that was a little closer together in the future, but if an election is called within the next month or so we have to be able to make do with what we've got. Truthfully it wasn't as bad a problem as I first anticipated, although cement floors and a lack of a freight elevator is going to require some creativity and a lot of elbow grease. One team of strong young men will have to be a priority for us the first few days to get everything up to the floors in question. Then there's the unpacking and setting up of the office furniture, the LAN and all the supporting material to deal with. Guess I'd better start weight lifting, eh? After we'd done the walk through, my tech and I stopped at the local pizza place and had coffee/beer while going through the information he had for me based on the training in Ottawa. Lots of quirky issues to deal with based on what Ottawa techs revealed - often inadvertently. Things that actually are barriers to our doing our job because someone there obviously wants to have complete control without appearing to be doing it. The things revealed by their techs were that technological back doors had been built in in a number of ways to every process we deal with. They won't be noticeable unless one has a lot of knowledge about how that can be done. We set some goals and priorities on a go forward basis taking all those things in to account. I feel a lot more comfortable with where I'm at in planning.
Went for groceries after finishing off with my tech and ran into one of the people I want as a senior supervisor while I was there. He said he was negotiating with his employer for time off during the event so that he could give me his full time too. Bonus. Apparently the company he works for does provide leaves of absence should the job be for the government in some capacity. Good corporate citizenship. By the time I was done shopping it was already 4 pm. Got home did what was necessary to protect the food from the cats and to ensure my guys had supper. I need to get up early tomorrow to get my share of the buffet made for the family gathering though. Good night for now dear diary.
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