11:16 PM - 12.01.05
Travel
One minute I was huddled in the corner seat on the train on the way home. Next minute I was standing next to the Dalai Lama high on a parapet in the Himalayas. The wind in both places had that low pitched moan undulating and rising to a scream that comes with cold air moving at full speed but carrying no moisture to soften its tone. In the dimension in Tibet we were shielded from the wind by the stones of the building. We were flying kites at what appeared to be dusk. Suddenly we were both flying, first becoming one with the kite each of us had been holding then being thrown free form into the sky. His Holiness took the form of a golden bird - maybe a phoenix - and then became just pure light like a starburst. The colours at that point were inexpressible - I have no names for them. I don't know how long I was between the two realities since I seemed to move back and forth for the whole of the ride. I did notice our river as we travelled on the bridge taking us to the north side of our downtown. It had finally frozen up completely - something that hasn't occurred for the past two or three years. Mind you I still wouldn't try walking across it.
So what brought that transdimensional experience on? Hard to say. Could be attributed to brain freeze i suppose. The temperature with the windchill was -40 C when I left for work in the morning. When I went to my chiropractor appointment at lunch it was colder yet. The evening commute was actually balmy at -30 something C. It's all relative anyway. Could be I was feeling fairly stressed and had been deep in meditation just before the journeying. Work had been a "just one of those days" kind of events and my back was still really sore even though the chiropractor had really worked out the kinks All those muscles complaining about the constant change in bone placement don't you know. Our project meeting had been that afternoon. The tech/co-worker I replaced is being brought back on full time by the company for another position - that was good news. Maybe that is what is underlying the behaviour of my current coworker - maybe he sees me as competition for some other position. He had made a point on Friday of noting in front of some of the other staff that I don't do full time or permanent work.
That hasn't been a past choice becaue of the election work, but quite honestly if something came along that offered me some stability and a wage I could live on I would seriously consider it. I love being involved in the democratic process, but like most other Returning Officers I hate the way the head office treats us. I think I'm close to my limit of tolerance there. Besides, it would be a unique experience to have regular income and benefits too, maybe even paid time for holidays and sickness - what a thought. At the end of the afternoon the financial specialist was clucking a bit over my winter clothes - didn't I have anything better? Actually this is the best I'v ever had since becoming an adult. Yes it's almost all second hand but at least it is reasonably good shape and well cut. Well couldn't I at least buy some decent boots. Ditto about the boots. They were my big treat purchase a couple of years ago. Well don't you have more money now that your sons are older? How would she know that the contracts from the data mangement firm were so far apart or that I had lost several months of work to sickness the past couple of years. It was very kind that she cared but it just left me a bit down. I think its the first time anyone in a work situation has even noticed or thought it mattered. I had just been rejoicing to myself because I was finally told I could have a chair to myself at this assignment after I had emailed my supervisor about the problem with the tupperware stool the night before. I had also told him about the problem with my purse but had allowed that I could just have been distracted and forgotten how I had left it. I heard him talking sotto voce with my coworker and the specialist about it as I approached the work station after being sent on a goose chase right after the project meeting. Seems he wanted to discuss it with them without me present. Made me feel humiliated that he didn't at lest have the courtesy to discuss it with me first. What was it that he felt he couldn't say in front of me? It's beginning to feel like the first assignment of three at the client that I walked away from in October. You know the one where my concern about what was going on was part of the reason that you wer born dear diary. In that contract he wouldn't hear anything I had to say but often was quite unkind after communicating with the other co-worker - the Queen of Mean. He never has told me what she said either so I've never had the chance to respond to any of her comments either. Maybe it's the other reason I'm thinking of trying something permanent. After working for and with him for nearly four years I deserve more respect than what I saw or heard today. I'm being cranky I know.
When I got home the phone rang and it was my sister's sister in law. She anted to let me know the good news. She is going to be house sitting on one of the luxury islands just off Vancouver Island for the next few months. I said that was hardly fair because there will be flowers out already when she arrives there. What about all this lovely snow? I'm really glad she was able to arrange that for herself - she sounded ecstatic and rightly so. When I was talking with the specialist just before I left I also mentioned that one of the things I thought I would do in a few years when my mortgage is paid off and all the boys have gone was to travel in Europe and parts east by doing something similar. she seemed really surprised that I would leave everyone here but I've never done anything just to please myself and I have always wanted to travel to certain countries. It's the only plan I can come up with that would make that choice possible. Maybe the Sister in law can pass on some tips or precautions from her experieinces before I try it. We'll see.
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