12:13 AM - 14.01.05
In Passing
Ms Kitty and her coterie of kittens usually feel it necessary to assist me when I have my mid evening nap. The one I take so I can tackle chores and pleasures, such as writing to you dear diary, later. Normally their assistance comes in the form of draping themselves over and around me just to be certain I nap in prescribed cat fashion. Last night I was very upset by the implications and possible fallout of the events around the weekly meeting and they knew it. When I woke up, there were cats stationed at the four corners of where I slept. North, south, east and west - all facing out in the "cat on patrol" posture. Ears up sharp and backs that long straight line with no movement at all. Or maybe they had just moved into the Tibet dimension sometime during my siesta and were guarding the palace in Lhasa. Don't know.
I think why I was really bothered was that it was apparent that what my supervisor had said made the permanent staff that he "took into his confidence" to believe I was less able in some way. The male who was assigned to lead me on the goose chase was doing his best imitation of the kindly older mentor showing the village idiot something that would be obvious to everyone else. Now we've worked together for over a month and I've chased him down and made him attend to regulatory and compliance issues. I didn't treat him as though that made him less competent - I just framed it as acknowledging his heavy work load had gotten in the way of him following through.
Come to think about it I wonder how many people in this compnay could raise six children on their own, working one or two jobs all the time at minimum wage and pay off the debt that their spouse had racked up just before leaving. I wonder how many would have managed if in the past couple of years they had a family to support but were losing about half their expected income because of health problems. I wonder how many have ever tried some of the volunteer work I've done successfully without any tangible resources or have carried out the task of administering an election where one is responible for a population of 150,000 people. Particularly where there are so many languages and cultures to accommodate, in addition to dealing with the politicians, their parties, the public, the media, and the bureaucracy while still hiring training and supervising a full time equivalent staff of about 60 office and 84 field people to support another 600 one day staffers who hand out the ballots on that one last day. And yes, I know my insecurity is showing when I have to point that all out, but it is perception that is everything in an office setting and I have seen what a campaign of diminishment can do to any worker who is a target.
Also, at the same time when I raised several points in our pre-team meeting about what I had found in the records over the past two weeks that was a problem either because of regulatory issues or because of anomalies with the documents themselves - like key parts removed - he told me not to bring it up with the permanent staff. He and the coworker asserted that it would make it appear that they weren't as informed as I was and that it would make it appear that they weren't doing their jobs. From now on I am to relay all information to him and he will then talk about it in the meetings while I sit silent. That would be fine if he could then back up what he reports with facts, but since he hasn't seen or worked with the data he won't be able to do it.
Lastly after my supervisor had left after talking with my coworker and the financial specialist about my concern about my purse, she came by and pointed to my coffee cup. We all bring our own in to reduce the need for styrofoam or paper - good environmentalists all. She spoke as though she was talking with her three year old daughter when she was frightened. Her comment was "You know, it's OK to leave your cup in the dishwasher - no one is going to take it away from you." I just said I don't like the quality of the job most dishwashers do and that I prefer cleaning mine myself. She startled a bit at that and said that her mom was like that too. Small things, but this is a small company where everyone talks about each other. I don't want to go in to a work atmosphere where I feel as though I've been put down or belittled in the way my supervisor must have done about the comments I had emailed to him the evening before.
The other thing that set me off was that one of our jobs is to advise clients about confidentiality and privacy regulations - where the company is lacking or in breach. He communicated a private employee to supervisor discussion to a whole company without my knowledge or consent. That breaches about four key pieces of legislation. Supervisors/managers are prohibited from communicating anything about one employee to any other employee other than work specific details. He's obviously communicated a lot more than that. Oi. Just frustrating.
It was bitterly cold again this morning for the comute to work. Number four son travelled with me as far as his work place so we had time for a bit of a visist. Get that quality time in where you can, I guess. On the train downtown I thought about the incidents of the day before and decided that my only rational approach was the simplest. Put the nose to the grindstone and just plough through the work assigned to me. No socializing period. That way it doesn't allow anyone to attach or reframe anything I do to fit the image of me inserted into the mix yesterday. I took up residence at the empty workstation by the kitchen that my supervisor said I could use since the Tupperware footstool was causing me so much discomfort. I'm not certain why I wasn't allowed to use it before except when the boardroom was occupied - every worker at least deserves a chair to sit in while they are doing the kind of data entry I am. I still am supposed to place my personal things in the coworkers desk drawer, but before I took my coat and bag over there I stopped at the station and took out my purse, my meds, my cellphone and my work gear - notebook, pens, coffee cup, etc - and left them at the station. I shouldn't have to ask permission of my coworker to have access to them when I need them.
Once I had picked up the laptop I started in keying and continued the rest of the day without stopping except for powder room breaks. It obviously caused some consternation by the afternoon, but there was no rational reason for questioning what I was doing either. I am focussing on my assignment exactly as I was told to do in yesterday's meeting. The other male who has been bothering me staked out the kitchen beside my workstation late in the afternoon, even though his workstation and is right across from the other coffee room at the other end of the building. Blocked the doorway while nattering on about the doughnuts sitting on the cupboard. I just got my hot water and went back to work. About half an hour later I glanced up to find him lolling across the top of the desk. I hadn't been aware he was there because I had my headphones on and they were on full bore with bagpipes wailing. Uh huh. Given I was deep in a Celtic Reverie he was fortunate I didn't remove them.
That legendary Scots temper? Well it rarley shows itself through me. Years of parenting and working with children means it is always automatically under a very tight rein. But I was still stewing about what my supervisor had done. Quite frankly I don't think I even raised my voice to another adult since the boys Dad left 12 years ago but if he had come by today I think he would have been on the receiving end of some very harsh words spoken as loud as necesary to get through. That last year my ex was around it was the one last defence I had becasue it shocked him so much that I would dare to address him so. He couldn't deny that I was actually angry or that I meant what I said. I wouldn't have raised my voice to the guy in the office but I wouldn't have minced words either if I had been forced to waste any more time dealing with his constant badgering either. Not in the mood.
I was on the train by 4:45 and that was good. The sun was still above the horizon until the bus dropped me at the bus stop a couple of blocks by my home. You know the photos of the beaches in the Caribbean - that incredible deep blue that shows out away from the reefs? We were immersed in a sea of air that colour while I was walking home. Cold, icy but infinitely beautiful and totally removed from the small details of ny one person's day. A reminder I guess that this too shall pass. Right dear diary?
�
�
