10:43 p.m. - 2003-11-17
Back in the Saddle Again
Sorry dear diary, I was working until very late last night trying to get all the maps edited that have to be done for Elections Canada. I haven't heard anything back from them (I wanted to know if the quality of the documents was acceptable) but I hope no news means good news. It could just mean my technical co-worker in Ottawa was out celebrating the Grey Cup - Canadian for Superbowl - and needed to rest today, since he was already struggling with the flu the past week.
Met one of my friends on the bus first thing this morning - the one who was "packaged" a year ago from the bank where she had been working for 25 years. She's now been working at a non-profit agency that helps seniors for almost that whole year. Volunteering has always been a passion with her, but it bothers her how much responsibility to meet basic needs has been off loaded onto the willingness of a limited pool of charitable donors and volunteers. It is her job to ensure that that segment of the community continues to help and also to try and find more people to help. There is something wrong with a society that thinks ther is nothing wrong with splitting up a couple who have been married for 50 years - making them live apart - because it is fiscally more prudent from a government/taxpayer point of view. Shame on us all.
She was really fatigued with dealing with that reality and it was clear it was seeping into other areas of her life too. I was surprised to hear her say that if she had it to do all over again, she would never marry. Now quite frankly that is my attitude too, with the rider that I would never give up having had my sons - I loved that part of my life. I also loved the volunteer time I could invest in the community as a stay at ahome mom. What fatigues me and my friend, is that we are always expected to be the ones looking after everyone else's needs.
It isn't seen as a gift and therefore respected in the way that cash from a private donor or corporation is. There is always a demand for more and nothing given is ever seen as good enough. When we say we don't have anything left to give we are made to feel guilt. Cash donors are feted and fawned on. What we provide is seen as an entitlement, so that others don't have to be bothered. We are supposed to "know our places" as wives, volunteers, and mothers and to be grateful to be allowed the privilege to serve everyone else. Not a problem, but we should also then be entitled to share in the benefits that the rest of the community derives - especially financially and by having some of our needs met - and yet we are often told that we have no place at the table. It's one of the biggest lies our society tells itself about it's values, the kind the more conservative elements in our society hold up as the paragon of womanhood, yet exploit and devalue at every turn. I'm sorry greeting card verses just din't cut it.
That theme continued on at work today as well. Two of my co-workers unconsciously repeating almost the same observations between themselves as they worked togehter on a project. Ditto when I went by my second in command's home with some paperwork for Elections Canada tonight. He's just had major surgery but his wife has also been very ill this past year. His care falls to her even though she needs support herself - and isn't getting any, not even basic medical support programs that are readily available to men.
I popped in to see my chiropractor at lunch. I was really starting to have problems and it felt really good to have him snap, crackle and pop things back into place. Sweet relief. While I was there the recruiter I dealt with this summer wandered in. He had brought a friend in for care and seemed to need it himself. He asked about my work schedule and asked me to e-mail him when I was available. Nice guy and a very nice way to start the work week in a new short term contract.
Work today? Nothing has really changed in the company in the past year. Some of the people I really liked have been moved to another floor, but operationally the same dynamics exist. I'm only there for three weeks so I'm going to try and keep my head down and out of the politics that are still flying. Problem is I've been told to report to two people for different parts of my tasks and they are warring. Let's see if for just three weeks I can avoid becoming their football. I can do it, I know I can.
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