11:28 p.m. - 2003-01-04
Time Out
Couple of dream fragments. Both felt positive.
The first is odd, because I don't normally care about them. In the dream, I am attending a meeting. For some reason the most important thing I need is shoes, several very specific types. Next to my chair is a tote that I brought with me. It is made of a natural burlap or sisal. In it are my shoes. As each type is named as necessary in the meeting, I find I can draw the ones required out of the tote. It is not unlike the carryall that Mary Poppins draws out all her magical objects. There is a point where it seems that one of a pair required is missing, but it is finally found under a chair nearby. Someone hid it there. The recovery seems to cement the agreement being sought.
The second fragment is very short. I seem to be floating above the earth. "Suspended" in space is an open door painted white. Hovering near the door knob is a golden key. There is light pouring through the door. I am told that I have the option to choose whatever I wish - the door is open. Although there is only "empty space" on all sides of the door, it seems as though if I pass through that door, a commitment is made to follow a certain path. I am wondering aloud if this has to do with the yoga I am studying. My feet have already been on the path of brahmacarya for 12 years, but that has been mostly a temporal imperative. I can feel laughter in the fabric of space around and in me. I think it means either way, the door is still open.
One of my friends in the Middle East e-mailed me. Her hubby's contract is being cancelled and they must be out of the country by the end of February. I know they had hoped otherwise, but I am so relieved. They will have to re-establish themselves completely here, because they sold all their property expecting to be overseas for 5 to 10 years. However, their lives and their childrens' are of much greater importance to the rest of us. I did send her the web address of the Canadian government's overseas job postings, so that they would have the option of working where they choose, but I think they will be here for a while first. I offered to do any running around that might be necessary at this end, although I think they both have family here yet.
Might as well do something positive while waiting to get more work. It isn't that I haven't used the time well in November and December. My house is much tidier although now it's littered with cat toys instead of kid toys, my body is much stronger, I've exercised and written almost daily, spent a lot of time reconnecting with my sons and my family, worked through the emotional and psychological stressors of the past dozen years that there was no time to address before, as well as worked on election stuff and sent out resumes - but I'm beginning to need more activity. I remember one other period of time in my life - when I was in junior high - when I withdrew, by choice, from my peer group because I had had enough of the childish behavior that permeates that age group. I stayed uninvolved with any socialization for about eight months. When I re-entered it in senior high, it was with the same people, because who I attended school with really couldn't be altered, but on my own terms. I had spent my "break" time then, doing very similar inner work to the work I've just completed. The period after that was one of the most productive and happiest I experienced, until my sons were born and I began volunteering as an adult. Hopefully, this break will have the same effect. I wouldn't mind another month of inner work in some ways, because I need to feel that what I choose to do in some way feeds my soul, but the economics really don't support that. Everything happens a certain way for a purpose I know, I guess I'll just have to be patient.
�
�
