Get your own
 diary at DiaryLand.com! contact me older entries newest entry

17:11 - 08/17/2012
paying it forward
My room feels like a sauna, located as it is over an active washer and dryer. I recall running an average of 6 loads per day when my six boys were living at home. Just part of the daily routine. Guess I shouln't complain.

I awoke to the song "Are You Lonesome Tonight" as sung by Elvis yesterday morning playing in my head, the words "shall I come back again" sticking with me throughout the day on the 35 anniversary of his death. Not as odd as seeing and hearing Patrick Swayze as Sam in "Ghost" singing to Willi, the assassin, "I'm Henry the 8th I am" trying to save Molly's life, he was. When I was first discharged from the hospital, I would watch endless Youtube videos of him and Fred Astaire dancing, promising myself I would dance like them instead of wobbling along with a cane as I was at the time, being threatened with long-term use of a walker or electric wheelchair by my Dad's new partner. I rode the stationary bike each day and worked on my belly dance and yoga tapes as well. Constantly hearing "you can't..." from both of them as well as prohibitions on using the stairs "you'll fall!"

I know how to tuck and roll from competing in gymnastics and I first heard of neuroplasticity from my coach. It was a madman's theory then, but it took the sting out of the boogeyman threats I was constantly threatened with. Fear of one's own body is common after a medical incident, but the survival instinct is strong too. Just watch my youngest grandbaby for that reminder.

I have been dreaming of a past life with A+ in the rain forest. I was keeper and gatherer of the herbs for the tribe, until I was attacked and paralysed. Then I and my baby were discarded as not useful anymore. Maybe that is the lesson this time around, somehow. Never write off someone in your life because you can't use them anymore. The void won't be noticable until they are gone.

Anyway got to go my 13 year old, ready-made grand-daughter wants the computer. Guess I was right to take them in despite the reservations of friends and family. Maybe one day one of my grand-daughters......

previous - next

about me - read my profile! read other Diar
yLand diaries! recommend my diary to a friend! Get
 your own fun + free diary at DiaryLand.com!

web stats