23:46 - 08/25/2010
Revelations
Faith is a funny thing, isn�t it dear diary? It can propel one to the greatest heights of creativity and beauty or to the depths of destruction and depravity. I was reminded of that the day I went for a job interview shortly after last writing to you.
As I waited, basking in the early morning sun at the first of the bus stops I needed to use, a young woman approached me tentatively. She slid onto the bench next to me and produced some pamphlets from her bag. She belonged to one of the Christian faiths that requires it�s members to proselytize frequently. I decided that I might as well hear her out. After all, everyone has their own truth and, often, listening to a very different point of view can bring a fresh perspective to a problem that one hasn�t been able to solve within one�s own purview. I can�t count how many times that happened when I was volunteering. Including the whole community in finding solutions often brought about startling resolutions to otherwise intractable puzzles. Anyway, she started talking about faith and how it could be used to get through tough circumstances. She asked where I was heading. I explained about my long period of involuntary, partial employment and the financial damage it had inflicted on me. I admitted I was on my way to what I hoped would be successful job interview. She empathised and said she was in the same situation. We talked more about ways of trying to search for work and how to cope in the meantime; comforting at least. It helped me deal with my extreme sense of nervousness about the impending ordeal. After about ten minutes she wished me well, handed me a couple of pamphlets and left the bus stop.
The bus arrived shortly after. Transferred to a second bus, a few stops away, that would take me to the deep south of the city in the industrial area where the business was located. I had calculated that it would take me an hour and a half to reach my destination. The next driver was a chipper woman who seemed to know a lot of her passengers. I watched idly as they enjoyed each other's company as they travelled. A community away from my destination, the driver was approached by a couple of women who were also attending a meeting in an unfamiliar area. Before they could work out the correct stop we had already passed it, so the driver stopped the bus to radio the dispatch office to ask where the women could catch another route bus to get them where they needed to go. I was pleased to see that she went out of her way to help them, but was checking the time rather worriedly as the delay made it less likely that I would make my appointment on time. After about five minutes we were on our way again, after the driver had watched as the women sprinted across a busy main street to get to the right stop about a block away to ensure the correct bus stopped and let the women board. Once we had travelled across the busy freeway and arrived in the next industrial district it was my turn to ask for directions. Pulled my book of city maps out of my book bag and headed to the front of the bus. The driver was pleasant and eager to help. As it turned out, we reached the correct stop almost immediately. She stopped and I hopped off, trying to master my nervousness at the impending interview. Just as the bus pulled out of sight I realized that, although I had my book bag, my purse was still on the bus. It was as though all the air in my lungs had been sucked out or I had suddenly been blasted into a vacuum somewhere in space. Absolutely no money, no bus tickets, no house keys, and no way of calling for help. I shoved the map book back into the bag next to those religious tracts. Started praying in earnest at that point, since I really had no other solutions coming to mind. Decided to find the building where the interview was scheduled, hoping that they would allow me to use their phone to contact the transit office so that they could alert the driver to protect the purse for me.
I arrived fifteen minutes before my scheduled interview and explained my problem to the receptionist. He led me to an office stating he wanted to provide me with some privacy, which in the very secure premises they maintained, was quite a concession. It took all of those fifteen minutes to go through the various levels of agents necessary to reach the driver. Originally, the agent who helped me said I could wait for the driver to come around on their next cycle and meet her at the bus stop where I had been dropped off. However, when they reached the driver, it was discovered that she was scheduled to end her shift at the bus barns where maintenance was required before the bus could be returned to service. The agent would not confirm if my purse was still on the bus either, which made me very edgy. I explained that it contained my house keys as well as the bus tickets and that I could not wait the full day to go downtown to their lost and found � I was completely stranded without it. The agent suggested that if I went to the bus barns in the even further south of the city before 4 pm, then if my purse had been found it would still be at that site.
At that point I had to go to my interview, so I thanked the agent and tried to calm myself enough so that I could actually focus on the attempt to get a job. It was one that I wanted quite a lot because of what I could learn as well as what I could contribute. The HR manager acknowledged my prior experience and talked about the culture in the office. She took a long time explaining how she dealt with personality conflicts and then asked me how I would act if I found myself in conflict with a manager. If I hadn�t been so stressed about the loss of my purse I might have realized that what she wanted me to say was that I would come straight to her to resolve it. Instead, I just noted that most of the time conflict comes from poor or missed communication and that I would try to find out where the breakdown had occurred between us in order to work it out, stating that I always kept a day book just so that I had a record of what had been discussed and assigned. She looked at me and said �You�re just like my mother � try and get along with everyone.� Oi. Not a good sign. At that point in the interview my purse kept popping into my mind. I kept seeing it in a darkened area. I "looked" to see if it was in a cupboard, but there were no other objects near it and the amount of space seemed too large to be a cupboard. I felt a sense of calm, as though the discussion of faith earlier had provided some protection or had been a harbinger of what the day held.
The interview ended shortly after and I explained my dilemma to the HR person. Would she allow me to use the phone again, so I could track down someone to meet me with bus fare to the station. She was reluctant to do so, but led me back to the same office,where she waited at the door while I dialled away. I called A+ first, but he didn�t answer either of his phones. Called my oldest son next. He was tied up until late in the day and, being end of the month, said he was too short of funds to help me with bus tickets � his partner being out of work and having two babies to support as well. When the boys were small, and especially when I was raising them on my own, I often found there was way more month than money too. He said he would keep calling A+ until he reached him on my behalf. Hung up, then called A+ again to leave a voicemail for him so he would know why my son was calling. The HR person was very impatient by that time, so I went back to sit in the waiting room for a few minutes to gather my thoughts then left. The recollection of the discussion with the bearer of the pamphlets reminding me that leaps of faith were sometimes one�s only options. Sigh.
I had told A+ I would be waiting at one of the stores we had worked in together many times a couple of years ago. The one where the most senior manager was a bully and where I had found those stolen electronics. I had no idea whether he would come to my rescue or not, but he has always said he would come get me if I was in trouble. At that point I was looking at my map and trying to determine how I could walk out of the pedestrian hostile industrial area, across a couple of freeways, then back north home. It was going to be very difficult and take hours as well. In the end, I would be home but with no keys to get into my home. My oldest had a bus pass and offered to meet me there. if it became necessary. There was a plan B, at least. I could still visualize my purse as I had seen it before so I decided to continue just having faith that A+ would come for me. I had brought a book with me that I wanted to read anyway � �The Hunt for Zero Point� by Nick Cook. He was a reporter for Janes Defence Weekly � a military/techie sort of publication. He was documenting his research on anti-gravity � a concept whose application had first been articulated by Nikola Tesla. It is currently being researched through the HAARP experiment in Alaska. He starts his story during World War II enumerating the technical developments that the German army was developing to use against the Allies. One of the techs that worked, and was friends with, my Dad had been working on similar research for Britain and I had heard stories... It was very strange to see those verified in print. It was my first time coming across the term �Foo Fighters� other than as that one rock band. The comments about the technology being captured, along with the scientists who were developing it, then hidden away for further examination in the �wilds of Alberta and British Columbia� also fit in with stories my Dad had told me about a concentration camp in the mountains not far from our pretty little city. Fascinating reading. I didn�t even notice the time pass.
I looked up about two hours later and saw A+ striding across the parking lot. He bought lunch for me � I hadn�t yet eaten � then we headed off for those deep south bus barns. There was about a two hour window to get there so that I could retrieve my purse � if it was actually there. It took about an hour on another bus then train to arrive. The barns are a very secure facility. After having walked around the entire circumference of the complex it seemed as though there was no public access available. We walked over to the unmanned security booth to see if there was some way of begging entry there � after all, the agent I had spoken with had said I could go there. Faith or serendipity was with us, I guess, because a woman drove up who worked in the facility. She offered to give us a lift through the barriers and across the railroad tracks. She said she had worked at the facility for 29 years and would escort us to the dispatch area � hidden deep in the bowels of the acres of maintenance buildings. Her assistance meant we were cleared to enter. We chatted as we wove our way through garages and winding passageways located in unexpected corners of the complex. She asked about how I had forgotten my purse. I explained that I had been so unnerved by that prospective interview that, for the first time in my life, I had forgotten to take it with me. She was sympathetic and noted that they were being deluged by applications for jobs that normally wouldn�t even get one applicant; now they were receiving 200 applications per position. Made me feel both better and worse. Better because it explained why it has been so difficult to get interviews, but worse because the competition is so fierce that it seems as though only faith will likely be the reason one succeeds among so many job seekers.
She stayed with us while we talked with the dispatcher � �no there is no purse of that description here�. Oi. At that point I thought I might faint and it seemed A+ thought I might too. He patted my back while the dispatcher asked me for a description of the bus and driver, so she could check with the maintenance crew that was servicing that bus. Our mentor laughed when the dispatcher knew from my description of the driver exactly what bus it was and where it was. She made a call to that crew. �Yes they have it. Please describe the seat where you were sitting.� The dispatcher noted how lucky we were, since that bus was scheduled to leave on it�s next shift in less than fifteen minutes. Had our mentor not arrived when she did the chances of ever retrieving my purse, once more passengers started to board, was likely remote. I thought of how many guardian angels in human form had come to my assistance that day and was a little overwhelmed by it all. A+ and I headed back to his home for some cuddling after. I found it hard to express how grateful I was to him for rescuing me and supporting me as he had, but he just noted that he had been very worried about my safety. I had expected him to be angry at me for being so foolish � as most other people would have been � but he just wanted to comfort me. His behaviour made me feel very confused, because I really have never been treated that kindly before. Made me realize how lucky I was to have met him.
Not long after that drama, A+�s sister and nephew arrived from our left coast for a visit. We went out together to see the movie �Inception�. It is a story about how a team of people enter others' dreaming minds to retrieve information or to plant it. It was quite thought provoking and took a while to process. Anyone who is into role-playing games will find it easy to follow, since the action is structured around that type of Escher-like games protocol, but it was a bit of a stretch for me in places. I have very vivid dreams, as you know dear diary, but the laws of time and space have very little influence in them, nor do the usual conventions of the laws of physics � at least not Newtonian ones. Depending on one�s philosophical/mystical/spiritual beliefs, as well as one�s understanding of the quantum mechanics that underpin a lot of the storyline of the movie, many viewers will have significantly different reactions to the concepts being presented. I think. Those of a Freudian bent or those who have studied the writings of Wade Davis, Yogananda, Carlos Castenada or Michael Harner will probably find it a bit frustrating because the story is structured either too rigidly or not enough for their own world view. Again however, sometimes examining �reality� from a totally different perspective can provide some interesting insights into one�s own forms of myopia. Hmmmm. Visited A+ and his family at his home a few days later to film Rock Band performances too. I have developed a much greater appreciation of cameramen as a result � oh yeah.
Had dim sum with A+�s best friend a week later and, as usual, the conversation was both entertaining and illuminating. His friend was talking about his creative projects as well as his health research. Then discussion slid into things political. As I mentioned in my previous post to you, the media has been abuzz with the posturing of politicians at the municipal, provincial and federal level all summer � intimating that at least two, if not three, elections will be part of our own reality this autumn. Add in the international antics in elections all over the globe and there could be some �bending of the light waves� in what we call the "real world" occurring there too. I suspect some rather odd bits of news will be leaking out all over the place in a few weeks.
About that time, I received a message from the international body that vets Canadians who want to work in international elections, that observers for the Afghani election in September were being sought. I put in my application, then emailed my References to alert them to another possible round of calls. One of them responded with anger � I was not to try something so suicidal � it was too dangerous and they would not provide a reference for me for such an undertaking. I explained that, first, international community building was something that had emerged as an interest for me when I had worked as a volunteer through Amnesty International and the Red Cross�s Survivors of Torture programs as well as with the refugee children in my sons� schools over the period of a couple of decades. Add in to that the fact that I am very close to having to file for bankruptcy, with the very real chance of losing my home, if I don�t find a real job within the next couple of weeks. At that point they responded that they had been sabotaging some of the other applications I had made, because they didn�t think that the work was prestigious enough for my skills. At least that explains why some of the interviews went well, but there was no callback from recruiters after the fact. Couldn�t they have just explained that they didn�t want to be a reference? Sigh.
I have, as you may have noticed, been able to re-establish my internet connection after a couple of weeks of phone calls to my provider trying to get their over-billing fixed, but even that won�t be a long term situation if I don�t find work soon. Again, I keep running into many other people who have been forced into part-time, underpaid work ever since the economic melt down, but at least they have a spouse who is still able to keep them � just barely � afloat. I�m trying to hold on to that faith that I was reminded of on the day I lost my purse, but I have to admit it is getting very difficult emotionally and psychologically, especially when one sees the people who caused the meltdown not only surviving, but prospering at the expense of all the people they�ve hurt.
I have continued with my quality assurance assignments, but summer is always slow for them � this one especially so. In two of the assignments I witnessed some staff appearing to be bullying or shunning some of the other staff. I just write what I witness in my reports, but don�t offer opinions about what I see. Hopefully, the senior management will act to stop the abuse, but there are so few real jobs available that bullies know that they can do almost anything they want without fear of their victims complaining about it. In both cases, it was managers who were abusing their power. In the one case they were even trying to bully me, not knowing that I was assessing their store.
As usual, the work at the airport was diverting. When I asked my liaison about the need for an escort, she stated that I did not need one, despite what my contact through the agency I work for stated when I last worked there. The other contact, who is the one who has rescued me on a number of occasions, did appear while I was working behind the post international customs though, so I still am wondering what the truth really is. That was the area last visit where their security was not going to let me leave until my �supervisor� from my company arrived to vouch for me. I�m not certain where my contact is located, but I�m certain that him flying in from the US for such an issue isn�t going to happen anytime soon. When I left for this visit to the airport, the sky was a brilliant blue and cloudless. When I emerged from my visit three hours later, one could barely see the other side of the runways. Smoke from the forest fires in British Columbia pouring over the mountains had reduced visibility so much that many flights were being cancelled or rescheduled. A couple of the post screening areas were filled with tension as a result, with both passengers and flights crews struggling to cope with the sudden changes. I really admired the crew members who had to ask some passengers to give up seats or move to different flights because of the problems. Courageous on their part. Passengers in the greatest concentration seem to come from China and Germany that day. That was intriguing by itself. I felt badly for them, because what they likely had paid a great deal to come to see was our pristine mountain scenery. Not possible for over a week given the smoke from those fires. The last time it was this bad was in 2003. Air quality warnings were issued and the rate of respiratory and heart problems showing up in local emergency rooms has skyrocketed just as before.
Lots of babies born in those hospitals too, the past few weeks. Some belonging to friend and families. My one sister�s oldest son and his wife presenting them with their first grandchild on July 31st, meant a trip out to the bedroom community where they live to celebrate. Another day, a visit with my Dad after he offered to help me with getting a passport should the Afghani assignment become a reality;he wanted to visit for a bit as well. He had just returned from his visit to the Atlantic provinces and spoke of how much he had enjoyed his travels � even the boat trips. Being that it was the day before what would have been my parent's wedding anniversary, we also took a trip out to visit her grave. I took the opportunity to explain about my own funeral arrangements that I made when I thought I wasn�t going to survive the boys� Dad's behaviour so that should anything happen while I was overseas, at least everyone would know my wishes and would also know that they wouldn�t be burdened with added responsibility or costs. What triggered that discussion was the health and safety training I was asked to take through the UN portal as part of my application to go to Afghanistan. The first things they ask you to do are to prepare a will and make power of attorney and funeral arrangements for oneself - oh yeah. The talk of family history on those occasions sent me back to the on-line ancestry site to add in more detail The discussion with my uncle at the one family funeral had brought out the fact that my Grandfather had arrived in New York on the Lusitania on May 3 1912. On it's voyage back to England it was torpedoed by the Germans sinking off the coast of Ireland with nearly 2000 passengers aboard, only half of whom survived. Between the Titanic and the Lusitania incidents it seems my Grandfather and great-Aunt obviously had some very powerful guardian angels looking out for them. Need to dig through the ship�s passenger manifest for photo evidence to add in to the ancestry registry, I guess. Anyway time for bed. I have an early quality assurance assignment tomorrow and the chance to spend some time with A+. Got to be rested. Good night dear diary.
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