10:34 - 06/26/2010
Blossoms
I love the scent of newly blossomed lilacs. That has been the predominant perfume wafting through my community the past month. It hasn�t always been that way. In the past, young families were the norm as residents in this area and, like me, all their disposable income went to raising their children. No regrets there, but it meant that yards tended to be spartan in appearance � just grass and the single tree that the developers of the community had provided for each home. My parents helped me purchase cotoneasters for hedging at the front and I took cuttings of their lilacs and Nanking cherry tree to plant in my backyard. Reminds me of my childhood. That makes me feel happy every time I see them blossoming. Some hardy northern roses, one hawthorn and rowan tree each, and honeysuckle and raspberry bushes purchased at a deep discount one autumn rounded out my attempts at landscaping. The birds and squirrels seem to love my yard and that keeps my cats very happy. The wildlife plays on the wishing well my Dad and his partner gave me and the empty cradle I used for all my sons when I first brought them home after birth. The cradle seems to match the wishing well in proportion and construction. Both built by other gardeners who loved working with their hands � my grandfather and my Dad�s partner�s late husband.
I would love to have a proper vegetable and herb garden, as well as flowers, but right now I still can�t pay my basic bills so that is still a dream. I am uploading this post from A+�s computer, for example, because I still can�t find a way to pay for reinstatement of my internet service. My internet access is essential for the work I do so you can see, dear diary, how bad my finances are at the moment. It is making me very stressed and depressed. A couple more job interviews provide some hope, but still nothing concrete. The worst of it is that if I could get a garden going then I would have a small supply of free food to put on the table too. Potatoes, onions and carrots grow very well here and are healthy and filling to boot. Oh well, maybe next year.
The past few years, an interesting shift in community demographics has changed the streetscape around my home. It appears that retiring baby boomers are down-sizing to homes that are more compact and easier to maintain. They don�t have the financial constraints of younger families and are, instead, investing their time and energy into upgrading the facades of their new homes, including their gardens. A lot of them have excellent landscaping skills. It is now a visual feast when walking along the street seeing the results of their labour. Riots of colour greet one as their flower beds burst into bloom. Our growing season lasts a maximum of six months counting in the early and late blooming varieties of plants, but this year we lost about a month of that because of constant rain. Meant when I finally had the chance to cut my grass last week I almost needed a machete or a scythe to complete the task. I thought the mosquitoes were going to devour me before I finished that task.
The city parks department is struggling too. Dandelions grace every corner of our fair city. The city has chosen to not spray pesticides. For that I am very grateful, since it means I haven�t had one asthma attack yet this season. Usually the time from the end of March to now I experience some severe events � this year not one. Health trumping aesthetics � some politicians are good guys after all, eh? The downside for the city is that they need to be able to cut the grass in their parks and public common areas more frequently. This year they couldn�t. Carpets of the bright yellow flowers are one thing, but when they go to seed it does look a bit untidy. Another change to the public streetscape comes through �guerilla gardeners� who are planting flowers and vegetables in public plots as they see fit and as they fancy. I noticed rhubarb growing on the grounds of the legislature building, for example. A fitting political comment, perhaps? Hmmm. Because of the rain, the two rivers running through our city are running very high. A few days ago, when I travelled through downtown, one could see the water just about to claim the lower lying pathways along the banks even though after that last major flood five years ago, the city built them up higher and improved the riprap edging the banks.
To the north of the city tornado warnings have been frequent and to the south there have been massive flash floods that have wiped out communities, businesses, roads and bridges then to the east an earthquake. I guess some extra weeds and mosquitoes aren�t all that bad a problem after all. At least with the dandelions one could make salads and wine � if one was so inclined. Because of their diuretic properties, dandelions have also been used in Europe as part of it�s herbal treatment of conditions such as diabetes. Dietary and medical use of what is considered a pest � sort of like making lemonade, isn�t it?
Work has been interesting as always. The website would have been launched by now except for the need to transfer the domain name. The process requires all parties to co-ordinate their efforts. Unfortunately the new host service only allows for seven days between when they send the first request to the registry and when it is approved by the previous host. The previous host and the registry don�t operate on the same schedule as the new host. If it isn�t completed by tomorrow I have to start the entire process over again with the same time constraints in place. Oi. Otherwise it has been a fascinating process and I have been allowed to be quite creative by the client. Into the bargain. A+ has been very generous about allowing me to work at his home and has provided his support in learning the technical requirements of the web developer software. The website is for a charity that raises funds for medical research into the third most common cause of death in our country. In addition to everything else it means that I have been able to apply all the research that I have done on my own over the past few decades to making the site patient friendly. Linking it to Facebook and Twitter will expand their outreach to the community considerably. I love the internet.
My last quality assurance work day this week was quite disturbing for a number of reasons. It seemed as though some force was in opposition to the whole process. First up was the transit timetable. I had to transfer several times to get to the one crosstown site. Usually that is a fairly smooth operation but not this day. Each time I left one conveyance it was just in time to wave futilely at the next vehicle pulling away from the curb or the station before I could make the transfer. Added a couple of hours of travel time that could have been better applied to working on the website or submitting my reports, for example. At the first site the staff needing to be evaluated weren�t even trying to do their jobs. Finally someone in their organization, who had a completely different set of tasks to attend to, put aside their work to help me out. He was very knowledgeable and attentive. I don�t like submitting negative reports and try to find a few positives so that a staff member can be built up from whatever strengths they display. Can�t do that if they fail to even interact with me. Sigh. That one assignment took twice as long as it should have as a result.
The trend of missed connections continued on the return trip, so that I arrived back in the downtown just at the noon hour. Walked to the train station at the far west end of downtown. As I was boarding with a number of students from the university campus located across the street, two transit drivers came hurrying into the front car. The one got on the intercom and asked us to all detrain. He was obviously upset, but just noted that there had been a serious accident just then a couple of stations away and that the entire downtown service would be closed for some time. His advice if we wanted to get anywhere � �Walk�. It had been so close to the time of the accident that he just didn�t have any other information to offer us nor was he in any state emotionally to cope any further it seemed. Stepped off the train and looked toward the area where the accident occurred. Lunch time downtown means streets packed with pedestrians, but it was obvious whatever had happened had driven most people off the street. Emergency vehicles were starting to scream up to the platform of the station where the incident had occurred.
I checked my bus map then headed north. Two streets north and two streets east would take me to where normally a bus ran that would take me closer to where I needed to be for the next stage of my journey to the next site of my quality assurance assignments. With so little information available, I was mulling over two or three options for transfer to the next conveyance depending on which service might or might not be available. In the distance more and more sirens, as a helicopter flew in circles overhead. Reached the next stop and couldn�t see any busses at all. Odd at the noon hour. Started walking east. I knew that service outside the downtown core would likely not be shut down. About an hour of walking, but no matter at that point. My mind was on previous accidents I had witnessed while travelling transit � my thoughts were with the victim, the witnesses and the responders. Someone being hit by 10 tons of moving metal is incredibly traumatic for all involved.
Looked over my shoulder and saw the bus I had hoped to catch pulling to a stop at the traffic light. I knew that I wouldn�t be able to make it to the next stop in time to catch it, so I held up my bus transfer hoping he would let me board there at the crosswalk, since it was safe to do so in the stopped traffic. He opened the door and I gratefully boarded. At the next stop things got weird again. The driver must have just have got the news over their network. Even before the passengers could step up or talk he was yelling at them. Yelling about �not taking any more� and about stupid pedestrians who walk in front at busses. He continued raving as he drove the route, yelling out the instructions he must have been receiving from their command center, while continuing to also howl his outrage at yet another pedestrian accident. I guessed that he had once been a driver who had a passenger step in front of his vehicle without warning. He hadn�t been able to deal with the trauma to himself and this incident obviously was retriggering his memories of that incident. He drove the detour route given to him then parked his bus near the eastern most train station in downtown. He had calmed down enough to provide instructions to the passengers about how to travel out of downtown from that point whether going north or south. I felt very badly for him, but I was hoping he would be relieved of his driving duties on compassionate grounds for a few days. It was apparent that a lot of the other passengers were frightened by his behaviour, most just quietly left the bus without any response to him at all.
Headed to that last downtown train station glad that I wouldn�t have to walk out of downtown to catch the next available bus at another transfer point abut a mile away. That platform had been designated for train travellers heading northeast or south and was crammed with passengers waiting to board, as well as those who had just arrived in the downtown and were being told to get off the train and walk through the downtown to their destinations. I arrived there just as the two transit drivers from the west end train arrived, still both looking deeply distressed. There were security officers working on the platform trying to ensure no one else was hurt in the crowding on the platform. All the transit and emergency staff were showing signs of high levels of stress, but all were going out of their way to ensure the safety and comfort of the passengers trying to continue their journeys.
It was apparent from the conversations and the behaviour of some of the other passengers that they had been witnesses to the incident. Mention of �he�, one traveller, being killed. Questions about whether he had tripped or had been pushed. I could feel my stomach start to turn again, as memories of other incidents I had witnessed or been nearby to see the aftermath flooding into my memory. Memories of working with trauma patients at the hospital when I worked in rehabilitation there, surfacing too. A couple of passengers sitting in shock, oblivious to other people around them both on the platform and then on the train once our vehicle arrived. One young woman looked in desperate need of a hug, but it is difficult to know whether that would be acceptable or not from a stranger.
On the train an uncanny silence. Usually trains, by their nature, foster a very communal atmosphere � a lot of talking and entertaining interaction going on between complete strangers. Not this time � almost near silence, people sitting frozen in their seats. I had plugged my headphones into my ears and turned up the volume of my music. It is one of the tools I have always used to help calm myself when I am deeply distressed. When the boys' dad left and when I had that congestive heart failure incident I would turn up my music after my guys had gone to bed then dance or do yoga � sometimes all night long - because it helped me more than any other outlet I had to cope emotionally and psychologically. A lot of other passengers chose the same option � listening to music, that is, dancing on trains being somewhat constrained by space. Watching the other passengers, I recalled the one profile I watched of Roy Orbison years ago. It told the story of Mr. Orbison going to a hospital at the request of her family to sing to a woman who had been in a coma. She had loved his music so much that it appeared that his visit helped draw her out of her coma. Music has a magic that isn�t quantifiable, but can be an extraordinarily powerful healer at the right time and place. Too bad our governments don�t see fit to fund better arts programs in our schools, might solve a lot of social problems, but I digress.
I found it difficult to go to my next assignment, but there was really nothing I could do for the person killed. I still need to make an effort to survive the economic trainwreck of the global community. That is taking all the emotional energy I have as it is. The next assignment went very well. At the end the staff member who expected a follow up from me confided that a death was imminent in her family and apologized in advance should she be difficult to contact in the next week or two. Owwww.
Headed over to A+�s to use his computer so I could enter my reports, then work on the website. He told me the news had reported that the person killed had been a toddler. He fell into the gap between the cars head first. Unimaginable grief for the family present on the platform and, probably, for the responders who would have to deal with it. No wonder there were so many distressed passengers on the train. Sometimes one�s life can be altered irrevocably by a single moment in time. Two of my sons, on a school field trip in the mountains, witnessed one of their classmates die in a terrible accident some years ago. The older son ran for help while the younger one stayed behind to help with the other students who were not able to cope with what they saw. The one had thoughts of suicide for years after on the anniversary of the event. Survivors� guilt. I suspect that will be so for many witnesses to that accident in this case. A+ comforted me as best he could. In the end it did remind me how lucky I really have been in so many ways.
A+ and I have spent a fair amount of time together the past few weeks, not only because of work but also for fun. Near the beginning of the month my family gathered for a picnic to celebrate all the May and June babies. In our family it seems that births cluster then and in the two months right around Christmas. Hmmm. It was one of the few hot sunny days we have had and was a very pleasant way to spend an afternoon. My Dad was in great form being the oldest of the birthday babies. Every so often I could see memories flitting across his face, some happy and some sad. Guess that means he has lived his life well, right? I went to visit him and his partner a couple of times during the past couple of weeks too. I really enjoy the visits and our conversations. Had the opportunity to look after number four son�s two babies while he and his wife went out to celebrate their two summer birthdays as well as their wedding anniversary � born a week apart they were. A+ and I also took one Sunday to attend the joint 100th anniversary celebrations that were held downtown for both the Chinatown community and the Canadian navy. They held a parade through downtown as part of the celebrations. Lots of politicians on site means imminent elections I think. A+ took the camera so he could capture photos and handed me his camcorder to play with. Another new experience. I�m not certain how well I captured what was going on because I needed to learn all the techie aspects of the device but A+ didn�t seem to mind about the quality. Good teacher he is.
I guess I need to go play with the felines, dear diary � they�re walking across the keyboard as we speak. Take care and thanks for being here for me to vent as always.
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