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18:41 - 07/24/2009
Tide and time
Shortly after my brother learned that the boys' Dad was no longer part of my family, he arrived at my home with a computer as a gift. At that point in time, my only real experience with same was as a parent volunteer in my sons' classes. The teachers would ask me to assist the children in the "computer lab" - a motley collection of used computers of various make and model, that each year's parent council would add to with funds raised at their bake sales. I was always amazed at the patience and skill with which the vice-principal managed to keep those old clunkers running. For a "have-not" community, the job for both the parents and the school staff to ensure the students had adequate access to computers, as well as competent training, was an enormous challenge. Even moreso, at that time for me when trying to help those students. As often as not, some young wise one would say "but ma'am, that button over there is the one you push to turn it on." Personally, I felt as though I was being asked to figure out the launch sequence for the NASA Challengers. Techno-peasant indeed.

To me, allowing me to touch said beasties with the minimal knowledge I had, spoke of the desperate circumstances that existed in our school, with respect to technological competence. My brother spent a lot of time setting up my new home computer for me, handed me the manuals and prepared to leave. "But," I protested, "what if I break it? I don't know anything." He said I would learn best if I had to figure it out myself. I think his parting shot was that if I really needed help one of my younger sons could probably explain it to me. Oi. Of course he was right, as witnessed by the fact that in some of the years since I have spent upwards of 16 hours a day at a computer working on the contract work I managed to find.

One of the first things I learned to do, when I first started out though, was how to enter contests. There were always stories on some of the sites I stumbled on about how lucky some people were with on-line contests. Helped me learn a lot of basic skills, I guess. Over the years, I've entered anything and everything that didn't require a fee or my financial particulars. Never won anything in 15 years - until yesterday. I was so excited! An email from one of the local free daily newspapers, stating I had won a cd. Might not sound like much to anyone else, but to me it was an enormous psychological boost given the drama of the last couple of months. Maybe that solar eclipse has helped loosen Mr Pluto's astrological death grip on my life. Well, it's as good a theory as anything else, isn't it?

A few days ago, my oldest son wandered back in to my home after his work around 6 in the am, dropped off his prescription sunglasses for me, then headed off to escort my grand-daughter to the arts program that her school sponsored for her for the summer. Yes, the same one that debuted in her first play in the spring. She isn't a strong scholar, but she is very talented in the arts. That's good enough for me. I tried on those glasses and found that although I could see much better, the intensity of the detail, especially if I moved my head, made me dizzy. Watched "Order of the Phoenix" to try and get used to the difference in my sight. When I went to visit A+ the next day, he took me out walking for the same purpose. I found that the movement of the scenery caused vertigo and my balance was really compromised, because of the shift in depth perception. I complained that the clarity of the details I was seeing wasn't especially appreciated. There's a lot to be said for a blurring around the edges when looking at things like concrete and garbage bins, for example. He laughed. He steered me to the local mall and bought me supplies that I can't afford to get myself. I hate accepting anything from him, but my moccasins have holes in the bottom, so I need to resole them, and my skin is burning and blistering each time we go out for our walks. He made certain that I had the materials I needed to deal with those issues, plus several more. He has already helped me out a lot and it just makes me feel so guilty. I really need to find a job soon.

When we visited his home we watched the movie "Top Secret", also so I could practice seeing with those glasses. A long discussion about the careers of Val Kilmer and Michael Keaton ensued, when I got the two mixed up discussing the movies "Beetlejuice" and "Top Gun" with him later. I enjoy the work of both actors immensely. For some reason though, there seems to be something about Val Kilmer that I need to investigate further. I had no idea that his singing was as good, if not better, than his acting, for example. Hmmmmm. I think my favourite movie by him is "Thunderheart". The other project I am really looking forward to seeing is the Tim Burton version of "Alice in Wonderland". Johnny Depp and Alan Rickman should add very interesting interpretations to their parts, I think.

On my way home from A+'s, I sat down on the bus next a gentleman just returning home from work. He commented on the insoles peeking out from my bag - "best ones there are, if you are on your feet all the time", he opined. I wasn't expecting such a conversation opener, but followed along out of politeness. Asked him what he did for a living. Inventory management. He asked if I was married or available for dating. He seemed to be interested in my mini-skirt. I took the conversation back to the work situation. He allowed that their company was hiring and gave me the particulars for applying. Some companies don't willingly hire women for those positions, but he said his current girlfriend worked there too. Hmmm. He was steering the conversation back to the dating thing again, as we neared his stop. I'm sure he was just entertaining himself after a long day at work.

That episode did send me into a reverie about what I really want to work at in the future. Right now, when looking at the websites of the industries I usually work in, there are, sometimes, not even one job listing, where in the past there were pages of them. A lot of the people I've worked with and for are now posted on the professional associations websites as free-lance consultants. Usually means that there has been a "right-sizing" of the workforce within the industry. That trues up with the announcement of continued layoffs in the major employers in this city. An economic recovery may be underway in this country, as announced by the Bank of Canada today, but it is a jobless one as far as I can see. In the industry where most of my work has come from, budgets are set quarterly. It isn't likely that there will be any hiring until the end of August. I can't afford to wait that long. Leaves me in a dilemma as far as what to do.

The career websites all counsel one to follow what you love to do as a job, but I haven't seen any postings that want someone to research and write critiques and articles from home, go out on weekly photography walks, rebuild their home and garden so that the grandbabies can play nearby while grandma does her writing and editing, as well as fund dance and music lessons for those babies and me too. Oh yeah, and maybe backstop funding so A+ ad I could travel the world as cultural observers, writing about what we witness. First place I'd head as a research project would be West Africa. Wade Davis's books about the traditional herbal medicine practices there keep calling me to delve back into them - have to talk with my eldest about returning those books to me first, wouldn't I? Also would have to revisit F David Peat's writing, as well as the material I've studied on Timbuctu and Ouagadougou. Hmmmm. Well, maybe that's where Val Kilmer comes in to the picture. He studied West African practices for a project he was working on. Maybe he has written a book. Don't know. Visit the cats' relatives and send home photos for their edification.

Guess I'd better stop dreaming and start sending out more resumes. Talk with you later dear diary.

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