22:33 - 02.04.08
Au Reverie
I forgot to mention last post that we did turn out our lights for Earth Hour on Saturday. So did all, but about four, households out of 100 that I could see from my front and back windows. All that was twinkling from my property were the two solar lights located in my garden. I think what helped people make the decision to be involved was that there was the local hockey team scheduled to play. The most respected environmental scientist in this country was interviewed by the hockey commentators just previous to the 8 pm start time for Earth Hour. He encouraged hockey fans to enjoy watching their team on television by candlelight. Permission granted from on high. Grant you if there is a baby boomlet between Christmas and New Years.... Trading off one thing for another. The use of power in this city went up slightly during that one hour, but that may have been because the outside temperature dropped considerably - enough so that we had a reasonably deep accumulation of snow to deal with next morning. Needed to turn up the heat - one way or another.
Sunday night I had a set of three dreams all trying to make the same point to my subconscious. All were different stories, but with the same advice. The only one I still recall clearly built on some of the scenes from the movie "What the Bleep Do We Know" to illustrate the point. During the wedding skit there is an animated sequence where the creation of neural connections is discussed. The idea of sealing off negative connections, while building new neural networks that bring about positive feelings/actions was demonstrated. Each of the three dreams kept insisting, within their own language/example, that I needed to shut down and close off the negative receptors that were allowing old, bad patterns to repeat. I kept seeing the mitochondria that was limned in my medical textbooks at university in addition to the text/discussion about receptor sites in some part of each of the dreams. I guess I could try to visualize closing those doorways or "docking sites" off, as a meditation exercise. Can't come up with an alternative to that that makes any sense to me at this point in time.
The next sequence of dreams really threw me off, although I'm not quite sure why. The first was located in what had been a pristine location within China. A mountain valley with untouched waterways. The government had decided that there needed to be access for large numbers of visitors to the end destination that could only be reached through that valley. The soil appeared to be a red sand, although the builders claimed that it was all heavy, sticky clay. They built a railroad through that valley using the sweeping arcs and curves of elevated man-made bridges. Way stations were created along the route, with small towns springing up out of nowhere to service the travellers passing thorugh. The construction had disturbed a species of creatures not quite human, but not animal either. Their awakening left those creatures disoriented and full of both mischief and malice. They recalled to mind what I had read about the tuatha de dannan of Irish mythology, as well as the strange half human creatures of Norse mythology. Their behaviour was totally unpredictable. Unlike humans there was no social conscience, although there did seem to be a mutally held code of conduct agreed upon between them. They were umm "frisky" as well, without restraint it seemed. In the first part of the dream I seemed to be an inspector checking the quality of the soil and materials used to build the bridges. Each time I touched what appeared to be solid ground underneath the railroad tracks, it disintegrated into sand. The plants growing in that soil disintegrated as well. It appeared that the builders had constructed the bridges over active underground rivers where the strange creatures had had their homes. That movement caused the entire structure to shift and sway constantly, as well as forcing those creatures above ground. Sort of like the stairways in the stories "Labyrinth" with David Bowie and also those about Harry Potter - Escher-like. The trains sometimes made it across a ravine intact, while at other times the cars would end up in the deep chasms far below the tracks. The scene then shifted and I found myself trying to board one of those trains at the furthest out station in the wilderness. There were three cars and I was trying to make certain that I wasn't on the same cars as those fairy-like creatures I described earlier. They were quite violent with female humans you see. I waited until the last minute, then boarded the one car where they had not entered.
The scene shifted again and that train arrived in "the wild west time" of Santa Fe New Mexico - so the sign read one the station platform. It seemed as though the train station had been newly constructed. I found myself transformed into a teenaged female instead of the adult I had been when I entered that particular train car. That was another thing those fairies were notorious for - sending humans willy-nilly back and forth in time. I didn't mind my age being reduced while still retaining memories of the previous adult existence though. I felt as though the reason for my teenage self being on that train was that I had lost all my family wherever I had lived before and had come to stay with distant relatives who had moved to Santa Fe when I was still a baby. As it turned out, those relatives had moved on again, so I found myself alone in that town with no money and no contacts - except for those strange fairy-like creatures. They all headed off for the desert, while a male with two small children whose mother had died in childbirth took me on as a governess for those children. It seemed to fit into a dream I had about a decade ago where I had dreamt about entering into a fire ceremony around a medicine wheel at the winter solstice with that same man..... There was a strong karmic tie then, that also has links to one person I know of now. That first dream of a decade ago seems to be coming into force as does the karma tied to it. Very disorienting.
What finally moved me out of the dream state was another shift in the dream landscape. It was spring and I seemed to have left my current home to go out for a walk about the community. When I turned the corner to return to my home I saw, to my horror, that the landlord who owns the other half of my duplex had hired two men to chop down my sundance/poplar tree. They were just rounding off the stump of that poor tree with the balance of the foliage being nowhere in sight. One of the men was of East Indian descent. He was elderly and was wearing a red turban, a white dress shirt and khakis, while the other workman looked like the actor Sinbad (say it isn't so!). The elderly man was still wrapped around the stump of the tree and was muttering angrily about having to do the job. The younger man was just coming out of the other side of the duplex, carrying mugs full of coffee for the two of them. I was beside myself, but also quite confused. You see the landscaping of my home was completely different. For one thing it was now a single family home where the house was on a slight hill or slope. The tree that had been cut down wasn't a poplar - it was a birch tree. I started to accost the two men, pointing out that they had both trespassed on private property - mine - without my knowledge or consent and that they had also inflicted considerable property damage as well. I told them I was going to take them to court, as well as the landlord who had hired them. The elderly man turned to the younger one and said "See I told you we shouldn't have touched anything". At that point a group of young chlidren came up to me. A boy of about 10 years grabbed my hand. He told me to look at my roof. He said that as those two men had cut down my tree, the creature that had been living in it had fled into a hole it made in my roof. He thought it looked like a squirrel, but when I looked up at the creature emerging from the roof it looked like one of those fairies - or maybe a monkey. There was a shadow around it, as though it didn't want to be clearly seen. At that point the landlord showed up to pay his workers and I woke up fully intending to call the police to lodge a complaint. I hadn't been aware at that point that I had been dreaming, you see.
Since I last posted to you, dear diary, I have had one phone call to set up a job interview, as well as a formal letter from another company letting me know that I am being considered for a position with them. I have also received emails from two companies asking for more updated information about me with respect to filling IT positions. I read the specs for those positions and know I would have to have on the job training to be able to do the work. Not that I'd mind, but I just find it odd that companies I haven't applied to would be contacting me. That makes four in about eight months time. I did send the information about the companies on to people I know who are looking for work and who do have those skill sets. When you can't help yourself with the opportunities at hand you might as well help someone else, eh?
I've continued to talk with various financial experts the past few days trying to find a way to keep afloat until I do find a job. The bank that holds the little bit of mortgage I have left to pay said it would refinance my home as soon as I could prove that point, you see. I explained to each person I've talked with that with each credit card I have, I had taken out the insurance recommended by the lending bank against unexpected illness or job loss. I'veexpressed my puzzlement that neither of those lenders will honour their policies. Three of the financial people, each independently, have literally snorted with disgust and said that those policies were all shams. One even went so far as to mutter "fraudulent", when I asked how to go about appealing to those banks to honour their commitments. These are people who worked in the banking industry themselves. If what these insiders have said is so, then why are the governments in this country, which regulate and oversee our banks, allowing them to knowingly issue fraudulent instruments? As a consumer, one of the few industries I still trusted and whose advice I thought was sterling has been revealed to be nothing more than just another huckster. I was acting in what I thought was a responsible manner in respect of financial services based on their counsel, backed by supposedly stringent laws governing banks in this country. Betrayal again.
To help myself from feeling totally overwhelmed again, I booked some quality assurance assignments. There hadn't been any available in January and February, you see. "Slow season" said the companies. I also signed up as a volunteer for one of the summer music festivals and offered to help a friend in a non-profit agency with a couple of research tasks. If I can't help myself I might as well help someone else while I'm waiting for the next shoe to drop, right? Otherwise, I think I might become so overwhelmed that I can't function anymore. Or I guess I could go back to meditation time and visualize closing off those bad receptor sites. Can't hurt. Good night dear diary.
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