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01:58 - 24.03.08
Khawuleza
Just before number four son was born, we built in about one third of the basement with the help of family - my Dad and Grandfather, so that there would be enough space to accommodate six people. The older boys were assigned to the two smaller bedrooms upstairs, while number four son slept with his parents in that spacious, dark and quiet corner of the house. It has always been the preferred residence for whichever boy was in the catbird seat when choosing their digs. As you might have guessed, my youngest has taken up that portion of the house ever since number four son moved out a few years back.

I think I mentioned a week or so ago, that he had begun the task or cleaning up and clearing out that space, which held the cumulative material possessions of his brothers, as well as his own stuff. He is almost done now, but it has been very hard on both of us physically, because of all the old dust raised as he worked. It became especially challenging last week when he pulled up the carpet that had been in the room since it was built. At the time, it was a bit of pure luxury - a deep-pile denim blue twist. I think you can imagine what has settled in between those fibres over the past couple of decades, can't you dear diary. Both my youngest and I have been struggling to breathe, as well as to try to fight off whatever toxins were growing in there. It now is outside under the balcony waiting to be transported to the dump, although I think if it was put on an unmanned rocket and sent off into space the microbes growing on it might populate another planet, evolving over time into.... Who knows, maybe that is how this planet was originally "seeded". Remember I mentioned that one of my New Year's resolutions was not to allow my body to be forced beyond it's limits - partly because it has taken to striking back when it has been. Anyway, the upshot was that this weekend with all the family obligations that are required during holy days, there was no energy left to write to you. I am truly sorry.

Good Friday was the extended family get together, held this year at my brother's home. My contribution to the feast was East Indian vindaloo rice and carrots. Not exactly traditional Easter fare, but some of the family really like that cuisine. Besides, I think on that particular day of the Christian calendar one's dietary choices are so severely restricted that, as a group, we probably broke most of the rules anyway. It was just that with couples having to also accommodate another side of the family as well, in their observation of the season, that Friday was the only day we could be certain that everyone could come. I had contacted some of our cousins earlier in the week and they also were able to attend because of the concession to gather on the Friday. All "Good" and good too.

I had talked with my brother earlier and was able to raise some funds from him on Friday by selling the week at one of the cousins' mountain cabins that had been given to me a few years back as a gift. I had really been looking forward to a week in an alpine setting, but I really don't have anything left to fall back on. I was just grateful that he was willing to trade my holiday for his cash so I could pay some bills. Made it a little difficult to listen to the tales of the one sister's family's luxurious trip to the Caribbean, but at least I could also buy groceries again. A lot of the rest of the time was spent visiting with everyone in attendance and playing with my grandbabies and my cousin's children. I remembered why I enjoyed being an at-home-mom so much. Toddlers just live in and for the moment . That is a good lesson to take away on such a special occasion.

Easter was my Mom's favourite holiday. She loved hiding her grandbabies' Easter baskets so well that it took their Dads hours to find them. Allowed the females time to work together in the kitchen and even have time to eat too. What kept surfacing in my mind were the stories she would often repeat when I was small about two family members - one from each side of the family - who would often try to buy and control my parents' choices and behaviour through their personal wealth. She was trying to illustrate the difference between true charity and buying compliance similar to politicians during election campaigns or a la Mafia. Offering lavish gifts but only if..... My Mom used to speak really scornfully about how cheaply other people would sell off their integrity, values and ethics for the "price of that fur coat - she can keep her old rag". Remember, for my parents' generation owning a mink coat was considered one of the ultimate signs of having "arrived" in society. I think she might have used the word prostitution in relationship to acquiescing to that form of manipulation, but then again I can't recall exactly. At least as I contemplated those memories though, it became quite apparent to me why I was so upset with the events of last year's dust up with some of the extended family over my home. What probably increased my angst was that my Mom's words were echoing in the back of my mind, making it even more upsetting that my own family would do something that my Mom held in such scorn. She would have been disappointed in me if I had compromised my values and my right to control my own choices for the price of some building material, I think. Angst again, thanks to that Uranus/Moon astrological conjunction.

The other issue that was taking up a lot of my thoughts was with respect to the Dalai Lama and his offer to step down as spiritual leader of the Tibetan community, if there was continued violence in that country. Like Gandhi, he leads his countrymen by his own example. Think of the Salt March. Satyagraha; non-violence. Tapasya; compassionate consensus building. Loving kindness practiced, most especially when one is threatened or injured by those in conflict or opposition to one's position. I try to approach my own dilemmas that way, but as you know dear diary, I fail as often as not. I do try though despite it being a constant struggle.

I was thinking of the parallels too in South Africa, when Gandhi, as a newly-minted Oxford trained lawyer, grounded and helped develop the strategies used by black South Africans to stop the official government practice of apartheid (apart-hate, is how our teachers in school taught us to think about it). I often wonder if he had read Thoreau's "Civil Disobedience" at law school then applied the lessons to help develop those strategies, in addition to referring to the basic tenets of his own faith. I recall, when I was working with the local Amnesty International group, holding the women of that country in awe when they applied Gandhi's techniques to hold the South African government accountable globally for the "disappearances" - kidnapping/hostage-taking - of their own children. A disturbing echo of that practice of hostage-taking is the disappearance of the Panchen Lama inflicted by the Chinese government on Tibetan society. My guess is that that particular child, as well as his famiy, are dead. Otherwise continuous requests for proof of his well-being would have been answered by now. Imagine the outcry globally if another country kidnapped Prince William in the same circumstances, for the same reason. In the case of the South African Mothers, they undertook non-violent protest and constant pleas to the rest of the world to pressure that government, while never resorting to any form of violence to try and gain the release of their children, many of whom were abused or killed while in the government's custody. I wasn't certain that I could have been that restrained if it had been my sons' lives at stake.

Despite the endless atrocities and abuse that the government of China has inflicted on the Dalai Lama, his family, friends and fellow countrymen, he has constantly tried to find a way to bring a lasting and peaceful resolution to the "power over" disease that afflicts too many leaders, corporations, and countries who have the physical resources to violate their neighbours' rights to sovereignty/autonomy over themselves. Those same inalienable rights that the aggressors insist are their own sovereign perogative. While it is true that within the boundaries of their own state and with the consent of their citizens, that autonomy should be respected, it is equally true that those leaders/governments and corporations lose all moral and ethical credibility or authority when they refuse to recognize that same principle for other cultural or ethnic groups. In this country there is continuous debate about that issue specific to the province of Quebec. Although it can try the patience of both entities, it can be achieved so both "win".

In some ways it seems to me as though the Chinese government planned to incite the youth in Lhasa to rebel at this juncture in time, through their illegal imprisonment of some of the Lamas for holding non-violent protests, so that they could use the "threat" to the Olympics to turn public support and opinion away from the leadership of the Dalai Lama. Perhaps they thought he would choose to behave as they would have in the same circumstances. Instead he has shown true leadership by also acknowledging that when one's own adherents no longer wish to follow one, then one accepts that and makes way for the new leaders that they choose for themselves. It must cause him great sadness and pain.

I guess, as a North American, I should have included the teachings of Jesus in that discourse, but that example has become so contaminated over time by the continuous manipulation/rewriting of the lessons by corrupt and powerful societies and leaders to prop up their claims of supremacy through the organized institutions of that faith that the doctored texts don't fit the criteria.

On Saturday my oldest son and his children came by for a visit. I had asked my son if he would be able to help my youngest with some of the tasks we need to complete with respect to repairing our home. My youngest has been quite ill since moving that rug out of his bedroom and a lot of the work requires a fair amount of physical exertion, in addition to some experience and knowledge of the use of power/carpentry tools, you see. My grandson whiled away the time playing on my youngest's game system while my granddaughter watched Aladdin and the "King of Thieves" as well as "Madagascar". the tasks only got halfway done, because I didn't anticipate some of the supplies necessary, being that I barely can name the basic tools let alone explain how to use them effectively. The biggest concern is the sidewalk, given that winter caused the roots of our poplar tree to heave the blocks. They are now a danger to anyone wanting to visit the house, although it didn't seem to slow down that prowler nor the police who visited later that morning, did it? My oldest son did spend some time going through his paper work and getting a few things resolved though, so it wasn't a wasted day, just not what I had hoped it would be. Maybe next time.

Anyway, time for bed now dear diary. Good night.

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