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02:13 - 14.02.08
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Woke up to hear that a blizzard had blown through the city as we slept. See, I knew we would have at least one more blast of winter. More power outages around the city. Apparently the salt used to deal with the ice on the roads is getting blown on to the power poles. That is making them flame out as they burst into flames. Hmmmm.

Number three son let me know he has a new job now. A considerable raise in pay and some college courses into the bargain. He sounded quite pleased with the whole deal, but was obviously sad about leaving his workmates at his last job. He enjoyed that work, but it required very long hours. He also usually only had one day off per week, if that. No additional upgrades either. He isn't feeling great - that stomach flu that's been going around, but maybe regular days off and some sleep will help. Talked with number five son too about his health. Still no word from the labs, but I guess that is a good thing.

I've been seeing my Mom a lot lately. It was ten years ago, in early February, that she died. Her energy is always very strong this time of year - or maybe I'm just more open to it. Since the beginning of 2008 it seems that she wants to convey her disappointment with someone in the family. Not me, but she apparently thinks someone has let her down. "Not the way I brought them up", is what I hear. In the first year or so after her death, she would actually appear in my mind and insist "You call your sister and tell her..." with a vision of the sister she meant being clear in my mind. That scolding voice insistent on me following through. I was working through the court system at that time trying to have a maintenance order put in place so that the boys' dad would help with the finances. I was afraid that any murmur in the court proceedings about me following the directions of someone deceased might compromise my profile as a good parent. Besides, I'm certain it would have really upset those sisters as well. Just a guess. My Dad told me that during those first few years that sometimes when he was doing something he knew my mom didn't like, her chair on their deck would start rocking back and forth furiously, even though there was no wind or vibration to cause it to do so. My Mom was a Scorpio you see. Don't mess with Scorpios.

That energy faded with time, but the energy that I am aware of now is pretty strong. I suppose I could try and talk with those family members she is angry with, but I doubt that they would listen to me, especially when I'm not really clear about what they are doing. I just get an impression of some cruelty/meanness and active sabotage aimed at someone else in the family. Seems too, that there is more than one sibling involved and it seems to include my Dad in some way too. Don't know. It could be too that reading the Bible is part of the problem. The reason I don't read it as much as I used is that I would often get precognitive flashes of both a personal and a global nature. Quite frankly I wasn't fussed about that. Often I would rather not know what lies ahead. If I had known how hard it was going to be to raise my sons on my own, for example, I don't know if I would have found the day to day courage I needed to muster just to get through each day, one at a time. The past decade and a half has been rather overwhelming just living through each moment once, thank you very much.

Anyway time for bed. I sent out a lot of resumes today so maybe tomorrow... I wouldn't mind seeing myself with an exciting and well paying job instead of the current information. Dream on I guess. Good night dear diary.

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