00:53 - 23.01.08
Overload
I did run those errands today, dear diary, but something about the two deaths near the train stations in this part of town had me so foxed that I found I could not bring myself to get on the train at all. Found a way to travel just using the buses exclusively even though it took much longer. That's never been an issue for me before and I have used the train since it first started running. There is one station that always bothers me this end of town, because it feels haunted, but I manage to walk through it most times anyway, when it is necessary. That wasn't what was bothering me today nor can I define or explain what has me spooked. Both deaths were terrible, of course, but neither is unique in terms of similar past incidents in this city. It seems to be tied up more with the murder of the one woman though. Some intuition seems to be trying to make itself known. Started when I watched the one policeman being interviewed. I get the sense that the woman knew her attacker - maybe they worked together. It seems that when I try to "watch" the incident he is intent on taking what he thinks she is carrying with her. He does not want her to see him but she glances back unexpectedly. There is an argument and then rage explodes. The violence of the murder seemed to have deeply disturbed the officer talking with the media; they had to cut the camera. He stated that not even her family could recognize her nor could any regular form of medical examination verify her identity. I don't really understand what that means.
Maybe what spooked me was the work link, because where she worked is a company with which I had to interact as a service provider in several of the assignments I did downtown. There was always something about some among that group of people that really bothered me. They tried to recruit me to work for them at one point and I turned them down, because of that "bad feeling". Ties in again with that last downtown assignment and the warehouse I sometimes worked in as well in an oblique way. Maybe I'm mixing my metaphors or projecting some other intuition on to this woman because of the violence that seemed to be lurking just below the surface at both satellite sites. It has been a psychological barrier for me sometimes when applying for or interviewing for work in the same field. I did discuss it with the one high end recruiter that I met with early on in November. She is the only person I've felt safe enough with to even verbalize it. Just weird.
It was much warmer again today, but the wind was very strong and difficult to deal with. There was a tangible discolouration to the ambient outdoor air. One could see the particulate matter if one was looking toward the sun. Seriously bad when even cigarette smoke seems better than the alternative. Remember, cigarette smoke triggers asthma attacks for me. I had quit taking the inhaled steroids a few days back and wished I had continued with them as a result. I has some longish walking to do between bus stops and destinations, too you see. Lucky I brought a pocketful of vitamin C lozenges with me. As I walked I was contemplating a series of articles that arrived in my inbox yesterday that dealt with a number of health issues. The European study was the big "news" although no surprise to most Canadians who have been forced to try and navigate our system the past few years. I don't agree with the conclusions drawn from the statistics though....."lies, damned lies and statistics". As noted in the study, our taxes are being used at a much higher rate than other countries but that doesn't explain or have a logical correlation to the total disregard for patient rights and input. It's that attitude by the provinces that citizens should grovel for the services those taxes pay for that is the issue. Begrudging patients full and personalized care is an attitude problem not an issue of public versus private funding. Health care is not a "consumer good" it is an essential service like policing.
Anyway before I get carried away on a rant I think I'd better say goodnight. The cats think I should be sleeping so that they can have thier pillow back don't you know.
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