00:45 - 09.01.08
choices
This entry will be short dear diary - lucky you. I didn't sleep much last night, because of the severity of the cough as well as being unable to breathe. Tried, without much success, to nap after my youngest left for work. Each time I tried, I actually became sicker and my heart would start to race from time to time. My guess was that the fatigue from lack of sleep, plus the inflammation in the lungs and throat, were now threatening to also infect the heart muscle. Not a good thought. I knew the only resolution for that was lots of uninterrupted sleep. I was trying to figure how I could pull that off, maybe in a semi-recumbent position.
The phone rang around noon. The placement agency calling to state there had been a change of plans with respect to the one interview that I had asked to be rescheduled because of this viral infection. The one that had subsequently been moved to the same day as my other interview later in the week. The employer now wanted me to attend tomorrow or not at all - although that was implied not stated. It was also not delivered by the agent I had been working with for the past month. The person who did call me sounded uncomfortable, at least to me. She stated she would leave the decision up to me, because I best understood my own situation. I explained about that previous interview, when I went in not well, as my reason for not wanting to attend until I was better. That and the fact I risked getting a lot sicker from being out too soon on transit full of other germy people, like myself, in current time. The prospective employer didn't care, she said - they wanted to complete the interview tomorrow. Bring in tissues and meds if necessary. Full stop, end of sentence. That lack of respect even before being hired, left me wondering if attending would mean tacit consent to more inappropriate demands - the company's wants at the expense of my basic needs/welfare. Maybe I was just sick and crabby, but I felt considerably worse after that call - a call from the bank and then this adding to my stress level. Blood pressure now going up.
I finally decided to take my sister up on her offer to help if I needed to seek medical care again. She said she would come by immediately to take me to the clinic. I was also having trouble concentrating and wanted another listener in case details became fuzzy, you see. I also didn't want to get there on my own and then be told I would need to run all over the place by transit to get tests or meds, or whatever. I knew I wouldn't follow through on my own, because the additional stress would compound the problem, not help it, especially when I felt that the more rest I could get the more likely I was to recover quicker. I felt as though the prospective employer was holding me to ransom. Really resented it, but I can't afford to pass up on a reasonable job offer either. Next question was: would they allow me the few days I would need to recuperate before starting, if hired. I researched the employer while I was waiting for my sister to arrive. Were they worth this amount of stress?
Interestingly, the doctor posed the same questions during our visit. He had an intern observing him, so the discussion was interesting, being four-sided at times. The issue of how such an employer would treat me if they hired me, came up as he was going through all the symptoms with me, as I explained why I needed to be better by tomorrow. His only real solution was to give me inhaled steroids - you know the kind young, high-performance athletes collapse and die from sometimes. Those steroids; there is a reason why they are a banned substance, you know. I voiced my concerns and he stated that I could just use them for a few days until my immune system had more ability to operate on it's own. He also gave me a prescription for antibiotics; but like me had concluded that the infection was probably viral. It was more of a precautionary step, in case the stress of tomorrow made me even sicker. A lot of bacterial pneumonia in the general population right now, you see. I haven't the natural resistance to fight it otherwise. The good news was that my blood pressure, while not completely normal, had improved from last visit. That meant the heart hadn't been involved in the infection - yet. The steroids would provide short term protection, was his thought. For being such a stressful situation for me - and my sister, who said she made it cross town in record time, even after coming across what looked like a dead coyote or wolf on the freeway - the visit was quite pleasant under the circumstances.
After the doctor had given me some other good advice, my sister took me out for a visit at the local coffee shop, then dropped me home. We talked about our children and her reading club, as well as some of my reading material. She commented that her son and one of our other nephews had similar tastes. It seemed she blamed their youth for being of a "weird" persuasion. She thinks I'm strange too, for wanting the news from Scotland, so I guess it's fortunate she doesn't know about some of the other news sources I visit on a daily basis, eh? Ditto for some of the other websites I've linked you into or the music I listen to, for that matter. Different isn't bad after all; it is just different. By the time I got back in my front door, it was already after 4 in the pm. I had a nap until my youngest arrived, throwing supper on to cook before I laid down, to the great approval of the cats. The first dose of the steroids, taken in the doctor's office, calmed the inflammation down just enough so that I could sleep for about 90 minutes at a time. Hopefully, after this next dose, I might manage to sleep the whole night. Good night dear diary.
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