|
01:18 - 01.11.07 Also Happy Birthday to Aishwarya Rai as well as the surprise manifestation of the comet Holmes. I wonder if the name indicates characteristics of Sherlock Holmes. Since it is in the constellation of Perseus, it also could trigger the themes and templates that are embedded in that legend. You know killing the gorgon, going on a quest to retrieve something to trade for the beloved - all that angst? My favorite astrologer waxed poetic - if in a somewhat Texan slant - about current conditions. I think, given his prognostications, that I want to go play in someone else's astrological house this week. My youngest went in to have a series of laboratory tests on Monday. Early, since it is usually on a first come first served affair. Get to a clinic before the walk-in offices - doc-in-a-box - open and the wait is very short you see. Otherwise.... I headed off to do the necessary shopping for essentials at the drug store nearby. Partly that was to have some help with carrying everything home, but is was also an unobtrusive way to make certain my son had help - that he would have otherwise spurned, "being of age" already - should the drawing of blood be too hard on his body. I know from experience that one can come out of a fast/blood-letting feeling really light-headed. Had the price of a cab fare in cash in my wallet. My son, being a head and a half taller than me and probably twice my weight, would not have been easily carried home. Grabbed subs on the way past that restaurant since the cab fare wasn't needed. The cost of the food was about the same. Should have skipped the one I got for me, since I felt sick the rest of the day. Spent it at the computer puzzling over some of the responses that I had received back from some of the resumes sent out last week. One was a really jumbled, ungrammatical rejection from a placement agent. I put it down to being the Monday after a holiday break for that person and hoped that she would reconsider when she had more time to think. She did that today after re-reading my resume. I have an appointment with her tomorrow. Yay! Tuesday was spent communicating with various sons and extended family members. One son had his credit card stolen and needed some help to get it fixed. It is the one that he has for his business, so it was rather critical it be dealt with quickly. My youngest son has to deal with that a lot in his tech support job, so there was a three way conversation going on off and on about various aspects of the problem for most of the day. One son revealing more problems with the one brother-in-law. He appeared to have taken a stand with my sons at the family gathering a weekend ago whereby I was to have no say in what he chose to do in my home. Seeking a way to do what he wanted through the boys instead. Could he have their keys to the house? Fortunately the boys respect my wishes and my knowledge of my own needs enough that none of them have budged on the constant pressure from the extended family to provide him with access to my home when I am not present. I finally had had enough of the sneaking around behind my back. With the proof to go with it through my son's revelations, I called my Dad to see if he could get through to that in-law. My Dad's response was that I would have to speak with that sister to restrain that spouse "because the plans were too far advanced to stop". Exactly what plans, and how had they come to make them without my knowledge or consent? The fact that my Dad knew of the intentions and had also not told me was very unsettling. He did admit he had messed up when he and his neighbour had arrived at my home that one day in July when I went very early to the hospital for treatment. They had started to tear down the walls in my son's bedroom, ordering him out when he was trying to get some rest. That was when he was working two jobs and taking his driving courses. He was exhausted and refused, of course. Good thing, since I had never asked anyone to even consider doing that tearing out yet. It has to wait until the very last, so that there is some other room ready for my son to move into you see. Because there is so little space in my home, every task is lock-stepped to the next. Any variation creates hours of additional, unneccessary work for me and makes the interim living arrangements for both my son and I untenable. I also protested to my Dad about my in-law's threats to throw out everything that I had not boxed up by the time he returned to my home. First off, the only other things I had asked for help with from him were to replace the storm door that had been torn off last January and to maybe take some of the material already torn out of the house to the dump, so that I could work on the next step with my sons. I allowed I would appreciate him helping the boys with that task, but only when my sons were available given some of the odd behaviour he had been engaging in the past couple of visits with my sister. Him threatening to throw away my personal posessions, just underlined how little respect he has for what someone else values. I know what I own isn't very nice. Most of it is second hand, but it is all I have. I can't replace it, because I don't have any money. I've spent the past ten years working two jobs, so I could raise six sons on my own without any substantial financial assistance. Their Dad wasn't even in the picture until my youngest son turned 15 - remember? The line of credit I managed to get two years ago would have helped with refurnishing on top of the renovations. As we all know, dear diary, I have had to use that money to help with bills in the past year since I became so ill right after the last election and then during that little summer encounter with venomous insects and hospitals that were, well whining won't change things. I am so thankful to the banker who has looked after me and my sons ever since the boys' Dad left. If it hadn't been for his kindness and support over the past 15 years - in a business sense - I suspect we would have been homeless quite a while ago. Then how would I have held my family together? Must be a special place in heaven for people like him - at least I think so. I think my Dad finally understood why I feel insulted and demeaned when I am treated as though my opinions about my own home don't matter. I'm neither a child nor am I incompetent. I've proven that by holding down two jobs, while still managing to raise six sons to become productive citizens. I deserve a lot of respect for that. Yet, what is reflected back from most quarters is the "single mom" stereotype used to bludgeon women in my circumstances into the ground. The one interview I had last week was the first time I had been given positive feedback for the volunteer work I had done, even though I think other than raising my sons, it is the most important work I have done - community building. Most interviewers tend to dismiss it or find it annoying, instead. "Not relevant" they proclaim. My Dad's comments seemed to confirm that a lot of sneaking around had gone on behind my back in order to impose someone else's decision about what should occur in my life. Paranoia starts to get really active when so little respect is shown for one's basic choices in one's life. What next - deciding when I can get a job and what job that will be? There are always ways to ensure someone is set up to fail, so that the kind of behaviour that has been exhibited lately in my own life can be justified. Withold resources, create havoc and uncertainty, then blame the recipient of the attacks. A lot like some of my assignments come to think of it. Now you know why I didn't write to you last night, dear diary. My comments would have been a lot less coherent and perhaps a little more profane. My sons keep saying I should give the family the benefit of the doubt. That after a decade of not offering any support, their recent attempts to help are at least attempts to make up for the neglect. Fine, but how does causing all that stress and conflict help me, eh? OMMM mane padme hum. Time to go reread some of the Dalai Lama's speeches in Canada. After all, he has been struggling to protect and preserve his community for over nearly sixty years now from the violent assault and abuse at the hands of China's government. They seem to feel they are entitled to dictate how all of Asia should live and operate simply because they are the biggest and wealthiest nation in the region. Bullying comes in all sizes and shapes I guess. Not long after that conversation, I talked with number two son just checking in to see how my youngest grand-daughter was doing now that she's back at her daycare. He said she fussed a bit the first day back until she realized that now she is officially a toddler, she is allowed to play with the art supplies. Good thing I got her started on that while I was looking after her, eh? Some of the friends she had made in the baby room were back and an older toddler seems to have taken her under her wing too. It's all good. The bad news was about my daughter-in-law's mom. The one that had the stroke. It appears that her sibling has sold his mom's home without her knowledge then used the money to buy a home for his family instead. Because he has power of attorney, no one - not even my son's mother-in-law's siblings - can find out what he has done with all her investments and savings, let alone the personal possessions she had in the house he sold. That triggered a rather strong reaction given the phone call I had had with my Dad earlier. How could anyone in a family exploit someone else's weakness or misfortune or illness like that to take away what little they have. He has been witholding the money needed for her basic medical care - things like rotting teeth - saying that he "can't afford it". Rotting teeth can cause heart failure and other deadly results - maybe that's what he wants. The money he has stolen from her should be used for her medical care, shouldn't it? He has threatened violence both to the aunties and my daughter-in-law, if they try to challenge him. The mom is afraid that he will quit visiting her if she doesn't do what he wants, as he did with my daughter-in-law's father. He remained absent in their lives for seven years until her Dad was dying in the last stages of cancer. He showed up just days before his death, stayed for the funeral then left again. That is clearly defined elder abuse, but because of cultural traditions, the females in the family are not supported and can be ostracized for challenging the "patriarch of the family". Seems to me he has lost that authority by virtue of his own illegal and immoral actions. Judge not, but that is Canadian law he is openly flaunting and this is Canada where the drama is playing out. The other reason I didn't write last night. Calm down - aummm. I asked my son if I could help in anyway, but with all the dynamics at play, many of which I don't understand fully, I guess I might cause more harm than good. I have to respect my son and daughter-in-law's choices as the best of what is available to them at the moment. I don't envy the tightwire act they are having to do, although I did tell my son that if that male threatened him or my granddaughter again .... I pay my taxes happily for our police force for a reason, you see. Today was much better. My oldest son stopped by for a visit this morning, so I was able to give him the Hallowe'en goodies for his two children plus the gift for my oldest grandson's birthday - a newly minted 8 year old who is shaping up to be quite a remarkable young person. Watch out for Scorpios. It is said that when one Scorpio in a family dies, another is born soon after to fill that void. He was born about 18 months after my Mom died - her birthday being November 14 - the same day, as she always proudly pointed out, as Prince Charles' birthday. Hmmmm. The phone call from that one placement agent arrived setting a time for an interview while my son and I visited. So too did an email from one of the quality control companies I applied to last week. They had accepted my application, so that is a little bit more money coming in. One step at a time, one day at a time. The other interesting bit was a regular email about the latest offerings in the theatres from the interviewing employer I met last week. The position I applied for was entry level service work, but they were posting a position as a general manager for their complex of buildings in that same email. Hmmm. I don't have a theatre background, but I do have a lot of project management experience as well as a reasonable amount of human resources work. Maybe.. Seems like rather a big leap of faith to be asking of both myself and their operations, but I would love to try it. I have a couple of weeks to think on it before deciding whether to apply. Maybe I should just dive in and let what happens happen. Not really much control there anyway. Last night and today was also Hallowe'en so I spent a lot of time just preparing for that and the interview tomorrow. For example, there had been frost-related heaving under the steps leading up to my home. My youngest and I used shovel and crowbar to fix that for all the little trick or treaters' safety tonight. As we worked, we heard the sickeneing crunch of cars colliding on the main freeway a couple of blocks away, then sirens and screeching tires. Symbolic maybe. Stitching up clothes and talking with someone from my past volunteer days about things royalty. Uh huh. Goblins, ghosts and demons come in many disguises, don't they? We didn't have as many visitors tonight as usual, even though our weather was really quite warm. I think maybe 40 children at most whereas in previous years we've seen up to 150, with 120 being the average. I think all the news about child abuse and the fear of strangers is really changing the way that parents think about caring for their children. Can't blame them, but 90% of abusers are people who know the child well and are in a position of trust/power with them. Relatives, teachers, coaches etc. The culture of silence around the issue has to be exploded before any real progress can be made in addressing it though. It is still more a matter of shame and an invitation to people in the system that contains the abuser to suppress and threaten a child who tries to speak up. Bullying is part of family violence too. Anyway I need some sleep before the next interview. Wish me luck dear diary. � � |