23:39 - 05.08.07
paradigm shift
Tiger ice cream - mmmmmmmmm good. I've been dreaming about Sumatran tigers and whist hounds; I don't know why. There has also been a recurrent dream about Harry Potter and Hermione where a three dimensional grid made of sudoku numbers connects them. The problem is that some entity keeps messing up the numbers so that it inhibits the two from expressing their personal brands of magic in some way. My job seems to be to reconstruct the balance between the two.
I had a long talk with my sister's sister-in-law yesterday. Needed some time to process the information before writing anything about it. She had written about a week ago just asking how I was faring with my arm. She also described some health problems she was struggling with. I responded by asking some questions related to shared family. Problems arising in this current chaotic state. I probably wouldn't have involved her if I had been feeling even slightly less sick, but as you have guessed, the current state of affairs has caused me more harm than anything to do with the arm - even the intense pain that came with it. I told the sister-in-law that I suspected the bite was that of a recluse spider, even though they aren't common in these parts. However, a couple (I think, because I still haven't seen them even though they moved in over six weeks ago) from the US mid-west moved into the other half of the duplex. Recluse spiders' favorite hiding places are boxes - moving boxes. Those critters do live in mid-west USA. The reason for my surmise was an article that described the symptoms of one of their bites. One of the things I forgot to mention was that after my elbow burst open that one evening the skin around the wound peeled away in layers just like an onion. A key marker of a recluse bite. The description of the skin colouring "red, white and blue" also fit, as did the description of what the wound would heal to look like in the end. Unusual for these parts as were the symptoms my sister's sister-in-law described going around their tiny island and capturing her in it's grip too.
Our discussion about mutual family was an even give and take about the history of each of our siblings before they met and married. Neither of us had been privy to that information prior to this time. There were some very blunt, but not judgemental analyses occurring as we talked. Just trying to figure out current dynamics as arising from past behaviour. As we were talking a lot of things goings back even a decade or two started to make sense in an entirely different way. Like seeing the man behind the curtain Dorothy. (Wizard of Oz, y'all)The behaviour I had been taking personally appears to have been defensive to mask a negative behaviour pattern of their own. That insight also revealed a lot more about two of my other sibs' marriages and some secretive actions that hadn't made any sense before either. In summary my divorce was really threatening to the others' perceptions of their own family dynamics. It drew light to areas that they wanted to keep hidden. Hence the ostracism/shunning I experienced as a result. Uh huh. Takes some of the sting out of the relationships I guess. Caught up to the present it also explains the actions that were a total mystery to me this past couple of months. I'm not responsible for any of it - just a convenient target for an avoidance mechanism on their part. All I felt at the end of the conversation was a sadness for them. We had an extended discussion of the latest Harry Potter book next. My sister's sister-in-law hasn't read it but wanted to know about the major themes that were presented - death and heroes, for starters. We worked back and forth across mythological templates and spiritual development for quite some time but I'll write about that more fully when I'm finished re-reading the book. The chapter about Severus Snape and the penseive is calling me right now.
I am feeling better with respect to pain management now dear diary, but I am frustratingly weak. No stamina at all. I am happy I can sleep on my left side again though. The temperature finally dropped to a bearable level yesterday and seems to be set to stay moderate for the next week. Being that this is the long weekend to celebrate Heritage in this province it allows for time to catch up on long neglected chores. Our yard, like many across the city has been invaded by ants. Said ants now trying to set up indoors as well. After research on the internet we found that baby powder and cayenne pepper work very well, once the entry points to the building are located. My son still wants to use a chemical treatment for the ant hills outside but I think with all the other critters outside that the less poison the better. We'll see. Good night dear diary. Sleep well.
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