03:46 - 20.07.07
Stage two
"I've got no strings to tie me down..." Or at least no tubing anymore. My appointment this morning lasted about half an hour. The needle was extracted from my forearm and another prescription was issued for another class of antibiotics. The doctor and other staff were obviously under a great deal of pressure, but they were unfailingly polite and kind as they worked. The doctor commented that he hoped he would never see me again. I startled a bit, but then I realized that even though he was a really great person, I truly do not want to have to go see him again. Amen and amen.
My one sister had driven me over to the hospital and drove me back home. She wanted to do some more herbal shopping, since our last run had produced such positive results for several of her family members. They wanted more. My Dad and his neighbour had arrived at my home before I had even woken up and when I left, my youngest was emerging from his bedroom to assist them. I knew I wasn't going to be able to be there to provide the details of the work that needed to be carried out in a particular sequence so that there wouldn't be any need for repetition or extra labour so I had run through the process with him when he arrived home from his driving lessons the night before. When we arrived back at the house an hour after leaving for the hospital, their truck was gone and there was an odd silence in the house. "Did someone get hurt?" I called and my son emerged from his bedroom looking really upset. "What's wrong?". Apparently my Dad's neighbour had tried to order him to move his mattress upstairs and sleep there until the renovations were completed. Since that won't happen for months - when I have a job and some money coming in - that was never a consideration during the process. His room hadn't even been in the list of things that needed doing immediately on the list I had discussed with my Dad a couple of weeks earlier nor with my youngest the evening before. I don't understand why anyone would believe they had the right to start work on something that major that hadn't been agreed upon. My youngest hadn't arrived home from his classroom driving lessons until 10:30 the night before and I know he was hoping to catch some extra sleep this morning, so that he could function properly at the technical customer support work he does daily. He is not someone who can function on a few hours sleep at any time.
I am beginning to wish I had a better grasp of the intricacies of some of Shakespeare's comedies, so I could describe the bizarre behaviour of a number of my family members - sibs and Dad - ever since the one brother-in-law came by to look at the one wall I wanted to remove to determine if it was a support structure or not. I thought it was a simple question, but there is now an all out battle for power among them to decide who of the group will have the ultimate decision making rights about MY home. It has gotten to the point where there are meetings going on among them where I am neither informd about or invited to attend. Someone even seems to have contacted my sons and tried to order them in my name to show up for a specific date upon which at least four of them were scheduled to work. They also seem to be planning a lot of other activity which I neither want nor need. The rest of the family weighed in on their own, one by one, it seems. I don't understand it at all. It's almost as though they think I am coming into some money (yeah right) or something and each wants to appear to be my rescuer before that time. For nearly fifteen years I've struggled to raise my guys on my own with very little help - even emotionally - carrying two jobs and dealing with the illness that has finally come out for a cure. In the counselling sessions I used to assist in, in the family support program that I volunteered in, the first question the therapist would ask was "What was different about today tha made you come for help?" What changed? That is the root question I have and there is no rational answer. I just finished reading "A Comedy of Errors" by Shakespeare, through one of the on-line book services, and felt I was being transported into that weirdness especially today. Maybe if I wasn't so sick and exhausted by the past month's illness I would see the humour in it. The last thing I need to cope with right now is my Dad and his neighbour leaving in a huff after my son refused to move into the living room and various siblings vying for rights to determine my personal affairs which, even under normal circumstances, they would have no say. If they truly wanted to help me, the thing I need most is money to pay my bills. There hasn't been any income coming in for the past few months and all my reserves are at about nil. Thaat said, there seems to be this assumption that I have money for the family to spend on work I don't want done anyway. I know the drugs I have been prescribed have made me addle-pated with a heavy dose of brain fog into the mix, but I can't even begin to figure out where all the bizarre behaviour is coming from. Maybe I'm not seeing the entire picture and maybe I'm being whiny and ungrateful, but there is this feeling of being railroaded while I am too weak to protect myself. As Ms Scarlett would say "I'll think about that tomorrow", I guess. I still have to go to the doctor tomorrow again, so it will have to wait until after that too.
Catching up a bit from where I left off posting to you when all this health drama started on the first Wednesday - belated happy Independence Day, y'all - after "The Bite", my friend who works on elections overseas swung by to take me out for our planned picnic. She came bearing gifts of some gently used, but very upscale, work clothes for me as well. Beautiful colours - earthtones - and cuts, but well beyond my ability to try on even now for fit. There appears to be about a range of four or five sizes, so I know I'll have a few new treasured items to add to my wardrobe at some point. Pass the rest on to my sisters or whoever might need them. She was afraid her generosity would offend me, but as I've noted before hand-me-downs are the ultimate form of recycling and I grew up wearing same with pride. The original plan was to go to one of our city's nicer formal parks to plays, but with a forecast high of +30 C, even without the humidex, she had decided she would rather spend the afternoon at her home. I'm not certain why, but she had wanted the picnic to be entirely her creation and I was in no shape to quibble. She is a devotee of the chef the "Barefoot Contessa" and had everything ready upon our arrival at her home. It was a sumptuous feast for certain. Even better was the conversation. She told me her tales of her last assignment in central Asia - the one where she had e-mailed me in despair a couple of times. Then we moved into a discussion about global affairs and the foreign policy under which current leaders are seeming to try to operate. It was a pleasure to analyse the political situation with someone who assesses things based on the facts available, instead of the endless emotion-based commentary that seems to be all most other people will entertain. Emotion without fact is a very destructive way to engage in any relationship - especially those where whole communities, like Darfur, pay the price. One has to treat the source of the problem, not the packaging and cosmetics served up by those wanting to profit or gain power as a result of international choices made usually without their knowledge or consent. Some of the Amnesty International work I had done figured largely into some of the conversation, since it is those old missteps and wounds that are driving a lot of the current interations. As Freud said, what is repressed manifests. Then we were into the quizzing about my faith again. I don't know what it is about my beliefs that is such an issue for all my election friends and acquaintances that makes it such a compelling topic to explore with me. It was almost like a job interview where the faith issues were one of the most important factors in being considered for certain work. "A tree is known by it's fruit". It doesn't take a lot to figure out where I am coming from by looking at my children and how they have grown, my volunteer projects that span a couple of decades and the work I have done for pay as well. What one sees is what one gets where I am concerned.
Anyway after a very enjoyable afternoon she dropped me back home. There were a number of messages on my phone voicemail; one of which was from one of my sisters. Could I go out and do certain tasks with her and my Dad on Friday. Given the increasing problems with my elbow, the answer had to be no since I knew the joint would have to be drained quickly if nothing changed or it got worse. I called and explained that to her. She offered that either she or my Dad would take me to the hospital emergency room if I felt it was needed instead on Friday. That was agreeable and we discussed alternate health issues for a bit. Her family doctor had recommended an ayurvedic (East Indian) treatment for one of her sons and she didn't know where to start to find any information on the practice. I promised I would dig it up, since I know where to look for credible information on-line. Crawled into bed then exhausted. My youngest arrived home from one of driving lessons around 11:30 in the pm. Made him dinner. His buddy was still staying at the house, but came by at about the same time then headed off to see his Mom for the evening to try and build some reconciliation into their relationship.
Thursday was a blur of pain with the heat and the elbow exacerbating each other's effects. The sister who I'd talked with the day before called to say that her hubby had landed up in their hospital emergency department the night before - kidney stones. Some questions added to the research project for her on that issue as well. She said that she would have to cancel for Friday's get together, but maybe I could ask my Dad for transpotation to my hospital if I really needed to go. At that time I really wasn't capable of making a decision. Too much pain. The doctor at the clinic had told me to let a few days on the antibiotic she had prescribed pass, to give it time to help heal. At that point it wasn't apparent whether it was going to work or not. Given the activity of the day before, I wasn't certain whether fatigue was what was making me so sick or if the arm was getting worse.
I think I have to stop the story there dear diary. My elbow is much better, but I don't think I want to push my luck. I'll continue the saga tomorrow. Good night.
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