02:24 - 13.06.07
Up and Down
I spent the day wrestling with the computer - again. It actually got worse as the day went on. Finally around midnight my youngest found a solution. Hope it lasts a bit. The upshot was that I didn't get one resume out today. After the calls from the two placement agencies the day before I must admit I hit a real low emotionally. It doesn't really matter how hard you try if there is nothing out there to be found is there? Defeatism isn't one of my bugaboos usually, but even I can't find the positive in this situation. The past week or so the "whisperers" seemed to be constant companions so I was constantly having to watch my thoughts as well. "The Whisperers"? Well according to my aboriginal friend those are the inner voices that tear away at one's self confidence. Bad medicine. Psychologists would likely call it free floating anxiety, but it all amounts to the same thing in the end. If it isn't dealt with then one is overcome with a sense of psychological paralysis and depression. Worked on banishing that as best I could as I fought with this old beast. Blame it on Mr Mercury stationing to go retrograde in another day, I guess.
When I was talking with the friend who agreed to talk with my daughter-in-law we discussed depression as it pertained to both her and the mother-in-law. Organic causes of depression - perturbations in the physiology or chemical imbalances in the body - are treatable with some anti-depressants. However their use for circumstantial depression is an active violation of that person's mental integrity. Who wouldn't be depressed if they didn't have a place to live or enough food to eat. Do psychologists really think someone should be dancing for joy in those circumstances? Ditto for someone who is all of a sudden hit with traumatic injury or develops a chronic illness. Does it seem reasonable that the patient should go around singing "oh happy day"? Yet when my friend attended the assessment program she is required to go through if she wants to continue receiving support payments while she recovers from her paralysis, the therapist suggested she needed counselling to deal with her depression. Well yes I suppose if all one wants to do is put a bandaid on a cancer that would work. She is depressed because she hasn't got enough money coming in to pay the bills and because she can't hold down a full time job, because she isn't well enough yet. Maybe instead of blowing a wad of cash on someone telling her she shouldn't worry about it, the money spent on the counselling session could be given to her directly. Then she would have her bills paid and not be depressed any more either. Even more obscene is the social services mandate to provide counselling for depression to children where the parent is too poor to purchase adequate amounts of food for the family. How dare someone try to tell them that they shouldn't feel badly about being hungry. There again, why not just take the funding for the counselling and give it to the family so that they could purchase food? Surprising what being able to eat enough to fill the tummy does to getting rid of the depression that is generated by not having enough to eat. Two problems solved for the price of one. Counsellors should not be allowed to profit at the expense of their clients now should they. Ditto for unemployment programs that require the out-of-work to take similar counselling for mental health issues. If the source of the depression is not having a job then doesn't it make sense to work harder at helping that person find a job? Most of those clients don't need to be told that they are depressed about being out of work - they are already well aware of it. The solution is to be hired for something meaningful and that pays a fair wage. However I guess profit trumps logic though, doesn't it, for these agencies funded by our tax dollars.
There were severe thunderstorm warnings for the north part of our city today. I live in the north part of the city. The thunder mid-afternoon sounded like drum roll after drum roll. Actually it was pretty cool except when the windows really rattled. There was a bit of hail and sleet as well. Reports of funnel clouds all along the north boundary of the city wasn't particularly comforting either. Maybe there should be counselling for the anxiety created by such announcements by the weather office. I know that's just a little too much sarcasm isn't it? Despite the lack of sunshine the past two days the two solar lights for my garden that my brother-in-law and sister gave me for my yard at the family picnic have been burning brightly after the sun goes down. Given the little incident in the back alley yesterday it does give a sense of comfort to know that anyone hanging around the fence will be visible in that light.
I talked with number five son around the dinner hour. He hadn't gone in to work today which made me very happy. He was staying at his girlfriend's home again and sounded quite happy about the arrangement. Apparently feeding him chocolate pudding and ice cream is the way to his heart. He still hasn't had the broken blood vessel in his eye checked out but he said it was getting better. His coughing wasn't as worrisome either and he wasn't fading in and out of awareness as he seemed to be the day before - although he doesn't recall being that out of it. He also seemed to be in a lot less pain. Young adults are so lucky to be able to recuperate so quickly after surgery. Now if we can just spirit him back up to the hospital for a check up next week maybe the free floating anviety I've been feeling will go away - no counselling necessary. I know, my bad, but at least I can find some humour in the situations now can't I? Anyway time for bed. I need to be working on this computer tomorrow before it acts up again. Good night dear diary.
�
�
