00:41 - 23.05.07
Slanging
I can't say where it came from, but it began with tremendous pressure on the Svadhisthana chakra. That round of blues last night that is. It was almost as though something was trying to burrow into my spine at that point. On an emotional level it seemed as though all the effort I had put into trying to stay positive and upbeat the past few months just pushed the negative underground to hide in wait until I was not looking for it to pounce. Repression gives rise to unconscious expression say the Freudians. Whatever. I didn't experience the perfect storm, but close to a perfect meltdown was enough.
That led to some very bleak dreams overnight. The first seemed to be occurring right after a nuclear "event". What was left for humans was dry and burning - no food, no water. At least not above ground. The whole surface of the earth had turned into a desert. People were carrying what they could salvage and tolerate from past civilization, yet all forms of civil behaviour were suspended. It was survival of the fittest, or the fastest, or the meanest. There were oases of safe havens maintained by humans who had become avatars, but most never found those. All one had was what could be carried on one's back or in some ingenious contraption fashioned out of old bits of our material world. It all looked pretty bizarre and there was a deep aching and sadness about the dreamtime. A warning maybe.
It seemed to follow that I came across a settlement of sorts near the mouth of some caves located in the Gujarat - part of India. There were the guardians and guides who took lost ones - that's what they called those who found shelter there - inside the earth where healing and nourishment could be found, if one was willing to shed all one's previous beliefs and expectations. A lot of those who arrived died in the midst of great abundance because they could not. So sad. The guide I was talking with irritated me though. He stated that he had reached near perfection at the caves. No interaction with the world, withdrawn and meditating. He did no self care at all. That was the purpose of his body slave, he said. Simply to keep his "physical vehicle" operable. I asked him how he thought that he could claim enlightenment, when he bragged frequently about owning another human being. Treating them with such disregard and contempt that it was nearly impossible to stomach. He responded that all enlightened ones were entitled to such devoted service and that he saw it as an indication of his elevated spiritual status. He said it was the privilege and redemption of the soul so encased in flesh of the slave. I deemed it the most deadly of sins - spiritual pride - but didn't argue the point. I never saw the man's face. Instead we stared at little tabulae of shale or dried mud. They were stylized a specific way ,almost resembling tombstones, but were crumbling with the heat and aridity of the atmosphere. For some reason the sight of them really bothered me. Don't understand it. I made a point of working with some of my yoga routines tonight and that seemed to calm things down. The cats sat in a circle watching, looking very much like their statues out of the Egyptian temples, they were. Guards and witnesses both.
Today was a communication day mostly, from past election workers. Touching base, asking for various bits of help. What was heartening, in a morbid sort of way, is that the rest of the group were also looking for work and were as frustrated as I was with the poor - almost non-existent - response from our applications regardless of our field of endeavour. One of the reasons for my meltdown I think - I feel as though I'm running as fast as I can, but not even keeping up to where I was. One of my callers stated that they felt that they had landed right back at this time last year. Amen. Some of the people who called have great backgrounds and some have degrees, yet they aren't finding what they want to work at either. Agreements with a couple to get together sometime in the near future. Things to look forward to I guess.
However, even though I feel more emotionally calm, my head hurts a lot. Too much snow the past couple of days I guess. Tomorrow calls for more. Merry May!
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