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23:29 - 12.05.07
in sight
I had a dream about the little girl who was kidnapped in Portugal. It really upset me. It seemed as though the person who had arranged for her kidnap had been in a position to see her almost every day for at least the past year. They desired her because of her strong personality. It seemed as though this person had tried many times to lure an adult female with a similar personality in to their life intending to take "possession" of them for the purpose of domination, only to be continually thwarted of their desires. They had been extremely vindictive when they had the chance with those females - once they were the supervisor of their target, for instance, and had made it nearly impossible for that woman to find another position when she broke away from the job he was using to dominate her. Some of the women were fairly damaged by his violent - not always physical - attempts, but they all managed to escape from them one way or another. It seemed as though the creep had focussed on this child because she would still "validate" this person in their fantasy of being the ultimate in masculinity. As if. Creepy and totally disgusting would be the words I would choose to describe them. They had been sitting somewhere near the dining place the child's parents were, when she was abducted. They seemed to be acting as lookout for and against the abductor - seems they didn't trust the person who took her to deliver the child to them "intact". Next I seemed to catch a glimpse of the child. She had been assaulted almost as soon as she was turned over to the cretin. When I saw her, I couldn't understand her calmness, but then I realized that she was not sleeping - she had been drugged in a certain way so that her personality would be evident, but the normal reaction of trying to escape would somehow be deactivated. If that is possible. She was lying nude on what appeared to be the type of boards one sees in an old style sauna. Something like that or a closet that was made of the same material. It was a small space and dark at the time, with light filtering through gaps in the structure. The creep had put her there when she refused to play the role he was demanding of her. She had told them that they were not her Dad and she wouldn't pretend. It appeared that they had hit her very hard, so that she fainted. It seemed to me that the mind and spirit of the child had withdrawn from the body, but the physical form was still alive. It was a terrible nightmare.

To keep that dream from replaying itself while I was awake I kept as busy as I could physically. I varnished the front door - the one that is now exposed to the elements now that the screen door was torn off its hinges. I had to wait until the weather forecast gave a couple of clear, hot days for it to dry you see. Even though I waited until dusk, the neighbours still emerged from their home(s) to watch the process - walking back and forth on the sidewalk across the street. My youngest commented that they must have incredibly boring lives if me varnishing a door was interesting to them. I tend to agree. The could at least be out volunteering or doing something useful, one would think.

I worked a bit more on cleaning out the computer room - at least until my lungs crapped out. I keep finding bits and pieces of material that should go to the replacement Returning Officer - like that kettle and the old training manuals, those type of things. I had let him and Ottawa know that more would be sent on to him once I had finished going through all the boxes, but that really triggers my asthma and I am not letting my health be ruined when they will not even pay me for the time it takes to sift through ten years of government paperwork. I'm not passing on things like the financial documents from other elections because I may need those to respond to queries about the spending then. It is for my own protection you see. I get the feeling that the local rep wants the demographic information I developed every event for headquarters because some of the people who report to her keep approaching me to find out about it, but that is all taken from online census data or statistics that I purchased myself then collated to fit the boundaries of my electoral district. Most of the work was done on-line and it was all submitted to headquarters in it's final form. When I try to explain that none of her underlings want to learn the process - they must think there is a source that supplies everything already prepared by electoral district. There is no such thing. I did give the one new Returning Officer who asked last summer all the web-links necessary to do the work. I sent that to her by email - which she acknowledged, but I just don't think they get it. The statistical analysis was where a lot of the extra work headquarters wouldn't pay for came from. The expertise to do that - which I can't pass on since it is stuck in my brain - comes for the years of volunteer work I did where needs and preferences surveys were required to be submitted to the various funding agencies our committees approached for materials like park equipment, computer supplies, books, schools, and all the kinds of things that improve quality of life for children and their families. When I worked with the municipal government they hooked me up with their specialists in demographic, statistical and public opinion surveys and analysis. I was taught how to write, as near as possible, a non-biased survey, how to input the data and how to run the analysis after the raw information had been collected. As a matter of fact, I received a lot of really unique training from a variety of organizations while I was volunteering. Those gifts of knowledge and skill have been the best returns of my investment of my time in those projects. Every paid workplace assignment ahs drawn on some of those experiences. I am very grateful that those opportunities were made available to me since they would have been inaccessible otherwise given my personal circumstances. That said there is nothing withheld and no other employer would be dumb enough to confuse education with material goods produced by their employees.

Time for sleep now - hopefully there won't be the same type of dream as last night. I wouldn't mind if the child had been found today on her birthday or tomorrow on Mother's Day. In that case bring it on as many times as it takes to get the little one found. Night dear diary.

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