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01:55 - 19.04.07
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We've achieved a milestone together dear diary. As of yesterday we have 1500 posts over a period of four and two thirds years. I had promised myself that I would post daily. That didn't quite happen since the span of days adds up to 1604 - including the leap day. Even so being short 100 entries is not too bad I guess. Given that the average length of each post works out to one printed page, Times New Roman size 11 - that is the length of a fairly respectable book - or two. Thank you for being there for me. There are some periods during our partnership where I'm not certain I would have been able to cope as well as I did without being able to express myself in a safe manner. Wrestle the words to the page was my mantra as suggested by the guru.

I am experiencing a number of synchronicities at the moment that usually signal that I am on the right path - although I have to admit serious doubts about that the past few months. A lot of the "missing posts" occurred during that time because I was afraid to deal with the confusion I felt. I couldn't see clearly enough even to write to you. The synchronicities all seem to be attached to the return to apparent direct motion of Saturn from its retrograde period that began on December 6 2006. Mr Saturn just happened to be standing atop natal Mr Pluto and in direct opposition to my natal Mercury at that point. As it turns direct it now is square natal Saturn - the handle of that natal T-square. Never mind its all very esoteric but I am taking it to mean that a point of balance between that Pluto-Mercury oppostion may be achievable now with the structure and discipline that are the hallmarks of Saturn from an astrological perspective. What was fascinating about today's research was that one newsletter triggered the flow of insights as I moved from one website to another following the yellow brick road, Toto. Answers to the violence exploding all over the world were hinted at - if enough people have the will to work together on healing instead of wounding. Environmental help was offered too. You see, I was watching the rain falling on the trees outside my bedroom window. I had been worried that the construction of the new deck and fence a year ago might have caused damage to delicate roots. As Ms Snowy and I watched the birds playing among the branches I realized I could see the beginnings of pink cherry blossoms on my Nanking cherry tree.

I was fairly busy doing the mundane work that is required to revamp my home. Laundry, dishes, more clearing out of cubby holes. I was finally able to keep food down this morning although not without a few wobbles. I tried a recipe for protecting the lungs that one of the people I talk with on a regular basis had suggested around the dinner hour as asthma started to rear it's head again. Old family recipe used in the military from the yarn that came with the instructions too. One egg yolk - white of egg separated and used somewhere else - mix with 3 tsp/1 tbsp of sugar. Add one ounce of brandy - Courvoisier was the "medicine" of choice. Drink it down, then follow up immediately with one hot, strong cup of coffee. Not being a drinker I found that I had to have the walls help me stand up for an hour or two - yeah I know, pathetic, but years of tee-totalling so I could survive parenting six sons means I have no tolerance for liquor at all - as I tried to continue on with the housework. I can't say whether it helped my lungs all that much or not but for those couple of hours I really didn't notice any problems nor would I have cared if breathing trouble had continued.

I did find all the tax slips for the one son as I sorted through my paperwork looking for other information. Remember I mentioned that I still hadn't received my Record of Employment from Elections Canada. It arrived last Friday but I was too focussed on the family gathering and then the sickness to take a good look at it. As you recall, dear diary, there are benefits I can't access without it and it even will impact on things like my old age pension (social security to y'all) years down the road. What I realized when I looked at the income section was that the person who drew it up had indicated I made about one fifth of what I had actually earned last year. Since all benefits are calculated using a percentage of the income earned it means that I would be shortchanged by about 80% of what I should be entitled to. I had a brief migraine when I realized what she had done but that won't help me at all. As Saturn turns direct mid-afternoon tomorrow maybe this is the right time to straighten things out once and for all. One can hope I guess. Ditto for my home insurance. The policy that I was promised still hasn't arrived. Maybe that visit from the neighbour's children had more to do with my mail again. I guess I also call my broker again tomorrow and arrange to pick it up in person. Nothing like begging to pay one's bills is there. My fear is that whoever stole the mailed might make a point of damaging my home while it isn't covered due to non-payment. It worries me. Right worry doesn't help action does. That's about all I have to say for myself tonight dear diary. Maybe tomorrow will be better.

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