01:14 - 05.04.07
treading water
I couldn't sleep the past three days. Could have been that full moon shining right in my bedroom window for two of those nights. "The moon on the breast of the new fallen snow, gave a luster of mid-day to objects below ..." That was the feeling I was having, but Christmas has long passed. Feels as though I've gone through a week in those three days - double time. In addition, throw in an intermittent migraine to go with the weather. We've had days of summer and mid-winter too. Bleagh. Hard on a body sometimes.
Sunday was really warm. One of the posted Returning Officers was all excited because he was getting a new television. His old one - 10 years old to be exact - didn't completely work anymore, no sound, but there was still a picture. Would I like to send my sons over to take it for their own. Sure thing. A very kind offer since my guys can do all sorts of magical things with electrical gewgaws and duct tape. Besides that just about everyting I own has reached its best before date so this donation might be the saving grace for us in a month or two. Our old beast has been resurrected by number three son once already. They arrived home equipped with the televison, a rake (it started snowing as they were coming up the walk) and the non-toxic cleaners I wanted to wash walls and windows. Mother Nature must have known I wasn't really ready yet.
Things started to go a little odd though, in the communication with that RO after the fact when we were talking on the phone and emailing back and forth. "Are you a Christian?", asked more than once, "What denomination?", asked several times, and "Will you cook for me?" asked several times, directly and through my sons, who thought it was quite entertaining. Huh???? First off, I don't allow anyone to visit my home other than my sons, because it is still in renovation mode. Getting better organization-wise, but still depressingly torn apart. Secondly "my mama done told me, when I was in pigtails...." Never have any man alone with you in your home. Good advice. Still. If this fellow wan't married, I would be fairly certain that was what was in the back of his mind. He's married though and always is talking about his wife, so I can't follow the intent. Dumb as a stick - yes, I know I do have days like that, but I just don't get it.
However, what will get my hackles up at most any point in time is someone trying to stereotype or pigeonhole me. I am an Aquarius after all. We're the rebel with or without a cause. Don't fence us in, y'all. My worst fear is that he may be trying to do a little match-making. He mentioned a frend - divorced with very few social skills "but brilliant". Yes well. If so, he has no idea how much danger he is in. I've already raised six men. Done the "waitress, maid, secretary, nurse, and mom" thing as many times as I intend to. I am now at the point in my life where the only person I am accountable to or with whom I have to consult is myself. That isn't going to change anytime soon and definitely not for anyone who has to know what I believe about spirit and who wants to decide whether my cooking is acceptable or not. I had to censor what I was going to say about that, dear diary. Ladies just act as though they didn't hear anything, right? I did send back a few youtube musical pieces that expressed my views about faith. I suspect it would confuse anyone except my sons and immediate family, but he got his answer, didn't he. I had offered to take him out for lunch before my sons picked up that tv and I intend to stick by that offer, but no one is coming into my home, at their request, to sample my cooking - nuh uh. If one wants to assess my skills, one just has to look at my sons. They are all still alive, healthy and solidly built. Guess that means they were properly nutritioned, eh?
In the meantime I was trying to deal with some other issues that were a little more pressing. The one friend who is overseas in one of the very hot spots right now, helping observe an election, has been sending some rather disturbing e-mails. She sounds frantic and a bit afraid. At home she has a reputation as a bulldog. She doesn't scare easily nor does she back down from a fight - far from it. The first response I sent to her was rejected and censored. First time that has ever happened. Even in Gaza nothing I said was chopped. So what's up with that? We finally managed to have a middle of the night exchange of emails that did explain - I think - what the problem was. It sounds rather serious, but there are details missing that might change the perception. I haven't heard from her since - about two days - and I have to admit some concern. I almost suggested she come home immediately, but that isn't my right to say.
One of the techs that worked with my Dad for over 40 years died on Monday. We knew him well and he was one of the male role models that stepped in for my guys when their Dad took off. He was a big Scot who had spent World War II in London tracking those bombers so the RAF could shoot them out of the sky during the Blitz. He met his first wife then - she might have even been cockney. Bubbling sense of fun she had. He could recite the "Day of Infamy" speech word by word and remembered exactly where he was and what he was doing - already an immigrant to this city - when Roosevelt spoke about why the US was entering the war. I think that was when he joined up too. He and my Dad together taught my sons about social responsibility and what price one has to pay sometimes for the greater good. That doesn't mean either that either of them advocated war - far from it. But they emphasized the responsibility of doing service for one's community as a duty not a favour. Society can't exist without that mutual exchange of kindness and help. In some ways that was what the RO I mentioned earlier was doing wasn't it?
In some ways this gentleman's death is a blessing - being well into his 80's and in a facility for dementia the past couple of years -, but there are some people who are a true loss to the community no matter what their condition. I'll always be grateful for the opportunity to know him and his first wife and for the positive influence he had on six young boys who really needed someone to look up to. I know I mention from time to time that I raised my sons mostly on my own, but there are a number of men - my family, their teachers, their friends' Dads and people like this man - who stood in the place of my sons' father so that they could grow up to be masculine and gentlemanly all at the same time. Those are things I couldn't really have taught them on my own. I am truly grateful for all those males who cared and took the time to step up to the plate for my sons. This true gentleman, by his kindness, will live on for as long as my sons and their children live too.
The past few days have been spent trying to clear up missteps with different service providers too. The milkman tried to order me to phone him four days in advance if I wanted changes to my regular delivery. Problem is that those changes to orders for a Monday delivery are dictated by how many sons and which ones, visited on the weekend. Dairy products have too short a shelf life to try and hold over until those sons visiting patterns change. AS a result on this Monday, he ignored my letter left in the mailbox and the voicemail left on his cell phone and left me even less than my regular order. Maybe it's time to just buy all my groceries from the store.
I received a very odd letter from one of the big home fashions chain stores thanking me for allowing them to do an estimate on my home renovations. Signed and dated even. As you know dear diary, my home renovations have been put on hold until I can get a job. The money that I did have was spent on basic needs during the time I was sick - most of last year. There isn't any money for even replacing that storm door that was broken back in January right now. I called both the local office and their national customer service line, but keep getting a run around about this letter. It came addressed to me - last name spelled incorrectly - that concerns me a great deal. How did this guy get my name and address? Was he really inside my home or was this an attempt to pad his sales numbers? Then finally there is more missing mail. I remembered last week that my home insurance was due this week. Normally the new policy is mailed out for my signature about a month in advance. When I called my agent this week to find out why I hadn't received it she said that it had been mailed out - a month ago. Then where is it? More mail theft? Did the nice renovation guy - not - use that policy to get the particulars on my home or was it the nasty landlord trying to cause more trouble? If I sound really paranoid, you assessment is correct, dear diary. There could be some simple explanation, but there is too much linkage of the issues for me to feel comfortable right now. Finally, I also spent more time forwarding different staff members names on to various acting Returning Officers. Not all the people I had working for me lived in this electoral district you see and some have moved in the interim. Too bad someone hasn't put forward my name for a job. Oh well maybe tomorrow. And the beat goes on. Anyway time for a nap so that I can continue with Spring - when it finally comes - cleaning. Good night dear diary.
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