03:32 - 25.03.07
Wargs
Friday felt like two or three days rolled into one, with today as the chaser. Another way to look at it is as if as though I finally got to the other side of the metaphorical mountain I've been climbing through some secret passageway, missing the peak all together. I'm not certain that's an accurate description either.
I spoke with my successor on the phone, finally, around 1 pm only to find he was frustrated with Elections Canada too. They had been telling him not to talk with me and to "stay out of the way" with respect to the transfer of materials. After some trading of information, it sounds as though the hold up is the approval of renting warehouse space for him. I'm guessing Elections Canada really don't want to pay for any more months than they have too, but instead of just saying so they have made us both feel as though we are the problem, not their hewing to their bottom line. The new person stated that they would go ahead and rent the facility without approval so that we could at least get that bit out of the way. I warned him that it might mean he would be left on the hook for the costs. I had a letter I sent two years ago advocating for another RO who rented materials in very similar circumstances who then found their claim for payment rejected. Once EC says "no" to a person once, they seem to be unable to change to "yes" ever again. That particular RO from two years ago is still begging for payment on several projects. I don't think they have received a payment in over a year, despite our two big assignments last year. The new successor agreed to meet me on Sunday to do the transfer, but now number three son isn't certain if he will be able to help by supplying access to his van, or not. A day's notice isn't enough time for him to reschedule given his two jobs. I just can't seem to win no matter how hard I try.
Later, in the afternoon, I spoke with my sister's sister-in-law for about two hours. Chewing over astrological aspects and ther impact on our lives over the past - well a very long time anyway. Especially sensitive was the impact of the current Saturn/Neptune opposition that peaks in June that last occurred 35 years ago. Bleagh. I know I said it was a mostly positive time in terms of growth, but growth can be somewhat inconvenient and rather painful. It was when my Mom's Mom died - a week before Christmas - and my Dad's Father passed away about three months later during Eastertime. In between those two traumas, my Uncle - my Mom's Brother - was in critical condition for about two months due to a ruptured appendix. I stepped into my Mom's role for Christmas and around Easter too. My Dad just couldn't cope with the two deaths so close together and my Mom wasn't able to muster all the abilities she had to support my Dad through that Easter funeral.
That was also when I was a passenger in two car accidents, within three months of each other, where the cars were total write-offs - we're talking steel bodies not the flimsy fibreglass deals - while I walked away with near death experiences, but no physical injuries. In the first accident, a youth running from the law in a stolen car rammed the side of the car I was riding in - a red Rambler - leaving an imprint of my body in the front passenger door. I wasn't allowed to look at it, but my friend - whose car it was - said it was a perfect likeness. At the time it happened, she jumped out of the car as soon as it stopped spinning in the middle of the intersection, ran to the other car and pulled the driver out to tell him what she thought of his behaviour. He was fortunate the police chasing him were nearby to rescue him from her - tiny thing though she was.
In the second accident, one of my other girlfriends was practicing for her driver's test in her parents' brand new, just off-the-boat imported car (a Renault). We were driving out on steep, gravelled country roads. She lost control of the car when it fishtailed on her. She had almost managed to get it back to where it needed to be at the bottom of the hill when the back wheels were caught on a culvert and we became airborne. The car rolled several times before coming to rest on its roof. I had been in the back seat, sans seatbelt. My training as a gymnast took over the minute the car took flight - "tuck and roll", baby. It is true what they say about time ceasing to exist in such circumstances. I kept wondering at what point the spirit left the body and how that was accomplished, while at the same time remarking to myself how much the rolling of the car was like one of the really fun (read scary) midway rides at the Stampede. I was very calm at that point because the feeling was so surreal. The Twilight Zone. Because my body was just going with the flow, I didn't feel anything good or bad. There was no fear in me, but I wondered how expensive a funeral would be and which sibling would get my bed. Odd thoughts indeed. At the end of the flight, I found myself sitting in the pool of glass that had landed on the inside of that car roof. After we climbed out of the car - through the open windows that we weren't thrown out of during the rolls, strangely enough - I looked back from the road we took to get to the nearest farmhouse. The back of the car - where I had been sitting - looked as though it was a crushed accordian. If I hadn't rolled inside the vehicle freely as it spun, I think I would have been crushed along with the steel body work of the rear passenger seat. I didn't willingly get in a car after that second accident for well over a year. I figured that I was being watched over by someone for certain, but didn't want to use up all my chances before I hit adulthood. That's one of the reasons I've never tried to get a driver's licence. I had already completed my lessons, but decided that if even as a passenger I wasn't safe, it wasn't likely that other drivers on the road would be better if I did become a driver. I also figured that it wasn't likely that everyone else would agree to stay off the streets while I was driving all by myself. I decided too that busses, when in conflict with cars, would likely come out the winner, so I became very fond of public transit and shanksmare.
One of the other conclusions I came to during that phone call as well, was that the extreme distress I've been feeling about the Elections Canada posting of my electoral district is very deeply tied into and up with that feeling I had of being thrown to the wolves when the boy's Dad left. The awarding of the Returning Officer position to me in 1996 was the first real break I had financially, at a time when I was in deep despair about surviving any more than a few more months with the family intact. $7 an hour wages, even then, weren't even close to enough to meet basic needs for my guys. In addition, the awarding of that position was the first positive affirmation of my abilities to take on a demanding project even though, in reality, I had already acheived several, both in raising the boys and in several completed volunteer projects. It was both an affirmation of my worth and my own personal safety blanket. Even now it is hard to let go of that psychological protection and comfort. It was as I was signing off from that call with my sister's sister-in-law that it seemed as though I had somehow arrived on the other side of the mountain from where we'd begun our self-analysis. Somewhat like Bilbo Baggins in the Hobbit. Free from the goblins and the mountain trolls, but with wolves chasing us instead. Where are the eagles, the Dwarves, Gandalf, and the magic ring. I need them right now please.
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