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01:12 - 06.02.07
titanic and ice
Yesterday the cats were in full comforting mode. There always seemed to be one cuddling up to me purring wherever I was or whatever I was doing. It took a while for me to clue in that they were consciously trying to console me. My youngest made certain my physical needs were met but left me alone otherwise. He is well aware that when I am very distressed I prefer to process the emotions in silence and alone. A lot of that is because I am meditating on a mantra or sound that seems to resonate with the issue. Often I am so far away in thought that it is almost painful to respond to anything in my immediate environment. As I was meditating, I was reviewing old posts where I had linked to songs that had meaning for me in some way. Music is a manifestation of the divine. Sometimes traveling on the sound of the instruments or the voices takes me out of the constraints of time to where the answers lie. I was attempting to sing along but that virus is still deeply entrenched in my bronchioles. I ask forgiveness in absentia from Mr Collins, the Brothers Gibb, Sir Paul, The Boss, Greenday, .... at least they couldn't hear me straining to get the sound out through the sore throat.

I thank them for providing a vehicle to release some the the emotions built up as I contemplated the death and as I also absorbed all the additional informtion that the police are slowly releasing for background to the killing. There is the visual of the ice berg that come to mind - 10% above the water and 90% below. It is apparent that there is much more to come out in the open that goes well beyond the death of one teenager. The position of power some members of the family held in several arenas and the, what appears to be, long term involvement of gang interests in the dynamics behind the murder may be even more devastating than what is already known. How much will actually emerge before the flow of information is choked off by those with a great deal to hide or before fear shuts down this look into the arms of the gang's reach into the heart of this province in all aspects of it's operation. Again I hesitate to speculate further because even though a lot of facts appear to point in specific directions, it could also be that the details and information still not told would create an entirely different perspective - maybe of a family held hostage to that gang. The family is embedded in a society that creates the conditions that allow gang activity to flourish. We all have some responsibility in it's hold on us. How many times has each person not spoken up against the corruption and exploitation they see directly in their own personal environment. Uh huh.

Anyway time for bed and more meditation - it's hard to sleep when one is straining to hear that other shoe drop. There is even more stress when one contemplates what will happen if the gang is able to shut down the release of information so much so that their other victims are even further entrenched in that web of violence. Maudlin, I know and I'm sorry. The death of children does that to me. It was odd that when my son and I were listening to Alice Cooper's show, while traveling to my home last week, he was speaking of his frustration with the death of young musicians like Syd Vicious who had so much going for them and who demonstrated so much potential to contribute (I personally didn't have much respect for that one musician but the premise still counts) - those who wilfully chose to throw it all away by engaging in acts of deliberate self destruction. Don't know.

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