23:15 - 16.01.07
vibrations
I thought maybe I'd missed my first bus this morning. I was running a couple of minutes late. The underwire in my bra had poked through the fabric. I hate jiggling when I walk, but being gouged in that tender area is worse. When I walked up to the bus shelter there was no one there. I found it odd for certain. Turned out only two other people joined me before our ride arrived - one of the other regulars and the more aggressive of the two young women I wrote about yesterday. She was quite subdued today. I was digging around in my traveling kit trying to ensure I had everything I needed so I waited until last to board. The bus itself was much emptier too, as was the train. Maybe it was the frigid weather last week that had people taking the earlier ride. Either way it was very pleasant to have enough space to sit on each of the first two. Downtown my connector bus had broken down and the driver was shooing everyone off the beast as I arrived. Another vehicle replaced that one toute de suite, but the bus driver needed to reset and adjust all the settings, so we were a bit later than usual in our trip I think.
My son was waiting for me and said he was going back to bed for a bit because he wasn't feeling well. My grand-daughter, on the other hand was raring to go. We played and she ate a good breakfast as we prepared for our day together. After my son left we continued on as we had begun. Nap time started out fine but then the contractor who had started working on the roof of the neighbour's house the day before arrived. He must have brought a whole concert stereo system with him. I had opted to take a nap while my granddaughter did, but was woken - even though sleeping on the floor that is built half underground - by the strains of Bruce Springsteen's song "the Human Touch". One of my favorite meditation songs - become one with the sounds, ommm. It was so loud that I didn't have to strain at all to hear and sing along with the words. That went on until 4 pm. 5 hours of being serenaded whether we liked it or not at full volume. Fortunately the contractor chose a radio station that plays rock - all really great music - so it wasn't as bad as all that, but it did mean that my granddaughter slept less. His sound system seemed to be located quite close to her window you see. As soon as the commuters arrived home from their daily travails it was obvious that many of them weren't as keen on the noise level even if it was musical. All of a sudden peace descended on the neighbourhood again.
My daughter-in-law arrived first and continued to quiz me on family history and personal details again today. Some of it bordered on invasive, but if curiosity is the only motivator then I suppose it is ok. I can't answer questions about my siblings choices or motives, for example, because I don't know - it's their business not mine. Problem is I don't know why some of the questions are being asked. She asked if I would consider moving in with my father, for example. First of all, my father really enjoys his privacy and has resisted any attempts of people to stay with him even for a few days. There are some exemptions to that made for very old friends and family, but that is not the same as a permanent arrangement. Why even consider the issue then. If he needed me to be there to help him that would of course be a good reason, but I think he wants to remain independent for as long as he can on his own. I'm getting to the same point as well. Almost all my life has been spent looking after someone else and I have chosen that freely. However I think I'm becoming used to looking after just my self. My youngest is easy to be around because mostly he is doing his own thing. Ditto for the cats. Company they all are, but not intrusive. Next up came questions about my financial state. How much money do I have to spend on fixing and upgrading the interior of the house. No reason for her to know that and I get antsy when people start digging. I would much rather be in a position where I had no debt and even had some savings, but having survived raising six boys on my own that hasn't been possible to achieve. I'm doing the best I can with the resources I have. My health really needed time to mend this year or there wouldn't be any question of working at all. She was suggesting several companies where I should apply for work. I am feeling much better now so it is time to start pounding the pavement or the electrons whichever works best. It is frustrating enough to be in this position without being made to feel I have to justify myself to anyone else. Maybe I'm just being touchy, but it felt a bit like parts of the movie "Truman" with Jim Carey - can't explain the link to me, but it was the same sort of feeling I guess. Nothing much else to say today so I think I'll just crawl into bed and try to remember that New Years resolution not to be so reactive to others, eh? Time to dream of happy things not sad. Good night dear diary.
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