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02:27 - 14.12.06
feed your head
I woke up with blood seeping out of the one ruptured blood vessel this morning. I was afraid that might happen given the precipitous rising and falling of the barometer the past couple of days. It is often after an extreme weather system when everything settles back down that the damage shows up. The flow wasn't as strong as the initial rupture - more a slow drizzle down the back of the throat. Yeuck. An hour of trying to get it stopped completely didn't work. Decision I had to make was whether to risk the transit foray or not. That's always been my measure of whether I am capable of putting in a full day's work or not. Decided that it was worth a try.

As a result, I spent most of my trip with my head tilted back and to one side. Although it is relatively warm right now, the greatest challenge was navigating the ice patches that unexpectedly show up beneath one's boots. Even with really good treads on the soles, falls are still always a risk. I don't need to break or rupture anything else, thank you very much. When I passed the young man from our East Coast standing on the corner by my bus stop, I even asked him if he had any advice for getting nosebleeds under control. You don't know what someone else might know unless you ask, dear diary. The Fisher King and the Fool notwithstanding. The young fellow , I think from the celtic outpost of Newfoundland from his accent, gave me lots of sympathy but no answers. He waits to be picked up every morning on that corner, so I'm guessing he's working on one of the more remote construction sites where there is no transit service.

I thought I was being fairly discreet and doing well hiding the problem but the connector bus driver commented about it when he dropped me off at the stop near my son's home. Oh well I did my best and arrived at my destination. Guess that is a victory of some scale. My granddaughter was wide awake and ready to play as she bid good-bye to her mom and then, a bit later, her dad. My nose wasn't improving but it also wasn't gettting any worse even after the somewhat jarring rides on the various transit vehicles. I was able to read to her as well as manage her feeding and changing routines in the morning. When she went down for her nap I thought lying still for a bit might stop the problem but no luck. I had brought the movie "What The Bleep do We Know" over to watch some time earlier and had never gotten around to watching it. Decided some of the philosophy presented by some of the foremost physicists, bioengineers and assorted other experts might provide me with an alternate way to approach my problem solving. Cuddled up in the reclining chair I settled in to listen. Funny thing, as I listened to the discussion about one's thoughts creating one's reality my reality shifted too. When the movie reached the scene where the shaman poked the third eye of the lead actor I found that suddenly I felt differently. The flow strted to coagulate at that point and the sense that everything would be ok - something that wasn't there shortly before - replaced the panic I had been fighting to keep at bay. As I watched the sequence where the work of Dr Emoto was discussed I could actually feel the offending vein closing up as I meditated with the one photo of the results of his experiments. Mind is the builder - Edgar Cayce would have said.

Finished the first Harry Potter book this afternoon. I had had to buy a new copy because about ten pages were missing from the end of the book I had originally brought. That was one of my errands last Friday when I was visiting my chiropractor. At least the price was a lot more affordable than in the past. My grand-daughter has decided she likes being read to so our two sessions today were each 20 minutes long. QWhen I reached the end of that book she looked at me as if she was disappointed I didn't have anything more to read. Bonus - someone who likes the sound of my voice. The stool that belongs to the reclining chair has become her other favorite toy lately. It can be mae to rock you see. My granddaughter likes to sit on it to keep time to whatever music is playing on the tv or vcr/dvd player. She likes it even better when grandmother getsinvolved so the rhythm of the movement is a little stronger. "Rock the baby" becomes, "shake what your mama gave you". When she is steady on her feet I'll have to teach her to shimmy too - right dear diary.

Watching What the Bleep had also reminded me that maybe the solutions I was seeking for healing were hidden in other knowledge that I had forgotten to apply. I remembered that my stress vitamin mix had run out a few days ago and that might be contributing to the slowness of the healing. My youngest picked up a new supply for me on his way home and I now feel much less light headed. I had mused about getting an iron supplement too because of the amount of blood I've lost but I find the pharmacy offering too harsh for my system to handle. Images of raspberries floated to the surface as I was watching the movie and thinking about childbirth - from conception to delivery as the Polish Wedding scene played out. Raspberries are the source of iron herbalists recommend to expectant moms. I knew that, but along with 90% of everything else I learned and applied over my life it was buried in the iceberg of my subconscoius. Just needed to recall how to retrieve it. Right? I love that movie. Candy for the brain. Now it's time to go dream about sugarplums and all that other fine stuff associated with the season. At least that way it's non-fattening. Good night dear diary.

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