00:00 - 08.11.06
displacement
Time had a strange quality this morning. I know I left at the regular hour to catch that first bus of the morning. I know I caught that bus, because I saw the regular bus driver and load of fellow travelers when I boarded. At the station the one train usually pulls away as the bus arrives, but there is another pulling in, generally just after one steps out to the platform. Today there was a train sitting at the platform when we arrived that was still in place when we reached that platform. Bonus. That train just sat there for a while. It finally pulled out and reached the next platform. Sat there long enough that fellow riders were starting to crane around looking for the cause of the delay. No announcements but the train finally did move along. At that point, I found that my shoulder and back muscles were really tensed up. I am happy looking after my granddaughter, so I couldn't really figure out why the body was showing as much stress as when my assignments were in downtown offices. I tried to consciously release the tension as the tain moved on. Those over long pauses at the platform happened again a few stops further down the line although the stop times became shorter. Arrived at the city hall stop and checked the clock as we passed it. 7:10 am, so likely I'd missed the connector. Decided to try and hurry forward anyway, on the off chance I might still catch that next bus. It had waited for us yesterday, so there is always reason to hope. At the bus stop my regular connector bus wasn't there. I looked around, having researched alternate routes just in case it was required, and saw one of the possible options sitting half a block away idling. I stepped on that bus and asked the driver about the closest stop to my son's home. Contrary to what is on the transit website, he said that I would have to walk quite a distance should I try using his route. Better to wait for the regular feeder bus. Even with the 20 minute gap in service times? Yes even then.
Next temporal shift happened when I returned to the bus shelter that the regular connector uses. It pulled up just after I returned to it's stopping point. Again same faces that I have been seeing in the morning, but different time - I think to myself. What's up with that? One young mom is cheerily talking to her placement agency on her cell phone as her young son visits with various riders as though they were old acquaintances. His mom isn't the classic downtown worker. She's dressed in denim and has a bit of a fly-away look to her, but she has one of those "take charge and make it work" auras that lets you know she is very successful and in demand. One of the women whose sense of style I always admire is sitting next to me. Her leather coat probably cost more than all the bills and fees I pay every month - or two. I don't feel any envy though, since she is the type whose smile reaches all the way to her eyes and whose manner seems to indicate that she buys her clothes based on what makes her feel comfortable inside her skin rather than to impress anyone else. Both women leave the bus before it leaves the downtown core. At the last stop on the way out a group of people I haven't seen before get on. The rest of the trip is quick and uneventful. No sitting at any stop now, not even the one I was waiting at. As soon as the last passenger was on board that bus flew. As a result, I walked in to my son's home even earlier than usual. Given all the pauses at the beginning of the journey, I wonder how that can be possible. I know I checked the time on my cell phone while waiting for the connector. That's why I had approached my second choice for a feeder bus - the time seemed to indicate that I'd missed that usual bus.
The day with my granddaughter unwound in a similar fashion. Her schedule was all off. The first week - last week - when I started to care for her, my son and daughter-in-law had been quite firm in their desire to have me hew to the schedule they had created with that young lady. I did my best to respect their wishes although I had some misgivings. Whatever occurred over the weekend indicated that they had had a change of heart. Now my son was telling me to just be directed by my grand-daughter's behaviour. That has always been my preferred method of dealing with small children. Regimentation has an impact soon enough in their lives; first they should be allowed to to respect their own body rhythms so they - and their parents - can recognize what is a normal response for them and what is not. That regimentation from birth is likely why some people develop certain types of chronic health problems. They have never learned to hear their body's real signals about wellness. Since they can't respond to those distress signals that arise when the body is out of rhythm, they don't know what the source of their illness is and thus can't address it, even if they have learned how. We've become little factory robots to serve the whims of schools and workplaces. My son had said something to the effect that they had changed their practices with my granddaughter's schedule on the weekend, but didn't elaborate. My guess is that they let her eat and sleep when she wanted, so she is now adjusting to that freedom to follow her internal clocks. We did manage to watch part of Alice in Wonderland and read a couple more chapters of the first Harry Potter story. Missed the yoga workout, but my body was saying it wasn't up for the effort today anyway. My son is the one who really seems to be struggling. Maybe it's because of the time change a couple of weeks ago. He was obviously feeling very tired by the time he got home from work. He even found cuddling his daughter difficult. We got my granddaughter fed and prepared supper. Then my daughter-in-law called around 7 pm to say that she was still working. We packed up my granddaughter so she could travel with us on the drive home. She was delighted. I did offer to make my own way home, but my son said he liked the driving. It was everything else that was bothering him. That troubled me, but I can't intervene as a parent anymore. Biting my tongue has become a habitual practice. I don't like it.
Arrived home and made dinner for my youngest. Talked with two of the three staff I am dealing with right now either by phone, voicemail or email. Mr Mercury retrograde makes all those efforts so complicated. I guess maybe it could be a way to force each person to communicate and clarify so there is more clarity in the long run. Spent the rest of the night on paperwork and email, so I think maybe bed seems like a good choice now. Good night dear diary.
�
�
