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22:47 - 18.06.06
ceremony and ritual
Number four son was married yesterday. Eventful is a good word, I guess. The usual range of interesting stories playing out around the main event. I went with the attitude that whatever happened was fine with me. I had offered many times, since being told that they had decided to formalize their partnership, to help wherever I could. Other than asking for our family photos, my offers were ignored though. I was told that the bride's Mom did a lot of these functions and really enjoyed the process, so maybe she didn't want to risk having someone involved who would rock the boat. I wouldn't have. I just thought an extra pair of hands, telephone service or e-mailing would have been useful.

It was apparent that there were some problems. That happens in all weddings, of course. My Dad's new partner didn't get an invitation, for example. Being of a generation where one doesn't show up to a function unless asked and where asking to be invited is a big faux pas, neither she nor my Dad let me know until the day before. Not being of that generation and having made a point of explaining why it was important to invite her, I had no qualms about calling the sister doing that part of the organizing to ask if there was a problem. "Oh no - just an oversight". Ditto for number five son. He got an invite to the reception, but not the wedding. He also called the day before to find out if there was a problem. His girlfriend had been invited through his invitation, so there wasn't a second means of even finding out the time or place of the ceremony. Filled him in and then number one son called immediately after. My two older grandchildren were both part of the wedding party and had been told to be at the rehearsal. Same problem - when and where and what about the special articles of clothing required because of the faith group involved. I didn't have answers for that either. Just simple communication problems really, so I think I might have been useful if my help had been accepted. Even if I had been assigned to look after all communication with our side of the family that would have reduced their burden quite a bit. No big deal though - no harm done, no offense taken by anyone who was missed out.

Arrived at the church only to be told the dress was to be casual. There had been no mention of that on the invitation; maybe the person commenting had it wrong. Anyway a little too late for that. I had kept to my decision just to wear my office clothes - a long black skirt a blue mandarin style blouse and sling backs - so I don't think that was too bad. One sister and her hubby decided to stay for the ceremony, then leave for the football game. One other sister and her hubby and my Dad gave away their tickets to same, although there was some teasing about missing a perfectly good tailgate party. Because none of our family are familiar with the faith group, we really didn't know the protocols for behaving in their church so we just followed along with what the Bride's family did. Hopefully we didn't offend anyone.

My 5 year old grandaughter was one of the flower girls and my 6 year old grandson was the ring bearer. They both looked wonderful. It is always a bit stressful when younger children are involved in such ceremonies, because they can react in unexpected ways to the sudden realization that they are in front of a very large group of adults all seeming to be watching them. I recall one of my girlfriend's weddings where the five year old flower girl was not sitting still. The pastor stopped the whole ceremony and read her the riot act, even though no one else in the church seemed to be bothered by it. At the time I wondered what was wrong with the pastor, but maybe in other cases the child moving a bit got out of hand later. Don't know. My grandbabies did a fabulous job at playing their parts well. My granddaughter even took in hand the younger flowergirl from the bride's family when she started misbehaving. Kept her quiet anyway.

The ceremony was quite austere and relatively short. It was very nicely done though. My son and new daughter-in-law obviously enjoyed the whole event. They smiled a lot and looked very happy and relaxed. That was really encouraging to see. Our family headed straight over to the reception hall being there was only about 45 minutes between the two functions. The bride's family had arranged the seating so that our family and my son's friends were on one side of the hall and hers were seated on the other separated by the width of the dance floor. I think the reason was the issue of their choosing to have a cash bar when it is something they don't allow in their faith. Fair enough.

I cuddled my newest granddaughter, while her parents ate supper with the rest of the group. She finally fell asleep when I sang "the Silkie" for her. I really wasn't hungry and I would much rather spend time with her anyway. My one sister, her hubby and sons had promised to run interference on my behalf if my sons' Dad or any of his family decided to cause a commotion. His youngest step-brother was very friendly until the ex's mother got angry with him for talking to me. That's too bad, since I really would have liked to hear how he was getting on. Being that he is in his 30's, he should be able to make that decision himself. My sons and their partners moved comfortably between both sets of their relatives and that made me happy. I had had to work very hard in the earlier days when their Dad left to ensure the connection was maintained even though it really bothered me to do so. They have a right to keep bonds with all their relatives after all. The ex kept trying to catch my eye even though he had brought a date; a lady who seemed very nice from what I could see. When I left with the one sister and her family, the ex was out in the parking lot. He seemed to have been waiting, although maybe he was just out smoking or whatever. I stepped to the other side of my brother-in-law, who is quite a big guy, and stayed there for the duration of the encounter. My sister moved in behind me and stayed put too. It's been over for a long time and I just want to move on.

The reception itself was quite nice too. The photo montage that I had sent photos in for was quite a surprise in that the bride's sister had written a very high profile country and western singer who originally was an orderly in our city's children's hospital before his big break. She had asked if he would be willing to sing a song on tape for the bride on her wedding since she had been a fan of his for as long as he had been singing. Much to everone's surprise he not only sang he also sent a very sweet taped message to the bride to go with it. What a wonderful gift. See dear diary, there are a lot of very kind people in the world.

The dance part was different in that it sort of resembled the one or two country dances I've attended. Everyone walks in a circle between songs. The difference was that, except for the first couple of wedding party/family opening dances and a few other songs, only the women danced. When my nieces got up to join in though, the women from the other side of the hall joined hands in a chain and kept shoving them off the dance floor. Now my nieces are both in their mid-teens and very pretty. Neither of them was tarted up at all. In fact they had toned down, if anything, because they wanted to be respectful of the faith group's beliefs. They had almost no makeup on and their dresses were demure, although they still showed that the girls had very nice figures. They were doing similar steps to the females from the other side, but apparently they were still not supposed to be up on the floor. Ditto with my 5 year old granddaughter. She was up on her own twirling to the music, more or less oblivious to anyone else. She wasn't in the way at all, but the bride's mom came up behind her, pointed down at her and told one of the daughters to get her off the dance floor. Whatever. I chose not to intervene, because my granddaughter really didn't realize what was being done to her. Saying something might have made it worse, since she might have internalized the idea that she had done something wrong.

At that point my sister, who is Mom to the teen daughters, got up and went on the dance floor too. They were playing a Texas two-step, which I had learned that one day at the dance play day exactly a year ago. My sister asked me to get on the floor too, which I did. However, I have to admit I messed up most of the steps because I was stewing over the treatment of the girls; well and maybe because I'd forgotten most of the steps too. So much for just going along with whatever happened, eh? Maybe it was a good thing though, because it certainly caused amusement among the women from the bride's side on the dance floor. They weren't so nasty with my nieces after that. I meant to do that - really.

Altogether though it was a fun evening, because I got to visit with my family and many of my son's friends who I don't see much anymore. Three of number four son's newest friends - from work - made a point of coming over and introducing themselves too. They all seemed to be enjoying themselves and they were pleasant and funny too. They seemed to be mourning the fact that they had lost one of their playmates, but I suspect they'll be joining him in the wedded bliss department too - if their girlfriends have anything to do with it.

Today was Father's Day of course. My youngest went off to spend time with his oldest brother's family; the one with the two stellar bridal party grandchildren. I called my Dad and we got to talking about family history. One of my cousins is doing some research on one of my grandfather's companies so my Dad and I were trying to pin down some information about it - his trucking firm. I was looking for some information on the internet while we talked. There was some, but not really the gist of the questions were answered. Part of the problem was that there is still something wrong from that yahoo virus. There is a problem with the search engine connecting to some websites and also the speed of my PC is only about half what it normally would be. Bummer. My assignment now - just kidding - is to try and dig around for more data later. Two of my sisters sent photos of the wedding today as well. I talked with one on the phone for quite a while. There were a lot of questions about herbal treatments from her and one of my other sister's hubbies during the wedding reception, so I was researching and responding to some of that too. At the same time, on last Monday's excursion, my Dad's new partner told me about a herbal remedy that the nursing staff all use for lung problems. Yesterday I was able to tell her I had found I could walk outside without having any breathing problems at all, since starting to use it. All good you see. Time for bed now though dear diary. Good night.

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