23:29 - 25.05.06
chaos theory
I just finished a new-to-me yoga program and I really liked it. Warrior asanas were the focus, but it was the "choreography" that linked the different postures that I found really helpful. Yoga is about balance and flow. Sometimes when one has difficulty moving into a stretch, it is because the way the routine is structured does not respect or reflect one's own inner center of gravity. When I use my regular tapes, I adapt the routine to address that issue once I've learned the basics. This was one of the first times I was able to remain balanced moving into a needle; a posture I find fairly easy. It is when I moved into it from a previous pose using other routines that I had the balance issue. It was a simple change in an arm movement that made all the difference. That is also the reason it is important to try different videos or instructors. Those with rhythms closest to you will be the most effective in helping one move forward. That was one of the difficulties I had with the hip hop instructor I had. He moved in a way that often left me feeling wrong-footed even though the movements were ones I was very familiar with from past training. I took tap dance, gymnastics and baton before I even started school. I continued with the gymnastics because the teaching was available and learned some ballet and jazz moves as the links in between acrobatic elements. The way the hip hop instructor strung identical moves together was the problem. When there was that June play day about a year ago, the latin dance instructor and his team led several similar routines with the same steps but with different segues that made the steps flow much better for me. That doesn't mean one should avoid being off-balance though. Routine needs to be challenged in all aspects of life, don't you know, or one doesn't grow. For me this past few months being forced to rest without periods of intense activity was a real challenge, as much mentally as physically. It was good for me as I've returned to a much better balance in perspective. Now if only we could find a nice balance for income versus outgo. Sigh.
Today and last night was spent talking with siblings a lot. My one sister had a milestone birthday on the weekend and was feeling a bit down. Since I've already passed that I could empathize, but give the pep talk too. No time turners in this reality and ageing with grace is something North Americans just don't know how to do. Imagine feeling sorry for Catherine Deneuve because she has "finally resorted" to wearing make-up. Here we push babies into wearing it, ruining their skin even before they know what normal feels like. And then there's metrosexual males, for heaven sakes. Personally I like skin au naturel, thank you very much. One of my sister's friends has booked a cruise for the two of them together in the fall - she's a travel agent. My sister was obviously quite overwhelmed by her friend's generosity, but I think it's great. My sister's health has been compromised for quite a time and the break will do her good.
One of my other sisters is busy with a child's graduation and since she is the only non-waged sister, often does the organizing for inter-family events. It is sometimes a thankless job and unless one has had to try and set up something for people with very heavy schedules there is no understanding how much time is spent just on the phone trying to negotiate a single time when everyone is available. I'm glad she's willing to take on the role, but maybe there should be some respite there too. My other sister was very frustrated today. Her truck broke down while she was running errands with her youngest son. She "didn't have the time" today for the inconvenience, but ended up walking a good way of the way for help. She said an RCMP officer gave them a lift part of the way to the garage. She lives in a semi-rural area so the rules are different than in the city you see. Urban police are not supposed to allow civilians in their vehicles.
One of my brother-in-laws was in on the conversation too - the one with the sister who I talk with quite a bit. He was feeling very frustrated with the way things have gone in his business. He is the one who had a partner who cleaned out the bank account, ran up debts, then took off. My brother-in-law is in that "I did everything the right way" mode, and he did, "and this is the reward I get". Big debts no help paying them off. I feel his pain, because that's also how I have often felt. However, he has given up for the moment and just wants to hide out. He really gets frustrated with his sister and me when we talk about accountability in government/corporate boardrooms. He believes he is being accountable and is taking real punishmment for it. He is, there is no doubt about that. It is also undeniable that the "bad guys" always seem to not only get away with their schemes but also are rewarded very well and are given a lot of respect by the community at large because of that money and power they've stolen. I do agree that it is true and that it is not fair. It is an uphill, never-ending battle to do the right thing and to try and hold others to account when they don't. However if no one challenges the status quo, it just becomes worse in its abuse of power. That is how healthy democracies become violent dictatorships over time. Complacency and defeatism. I talked about the Enron trial, because it does prove that the big guys sometimes can be held to account. In our courts there was and is a big scandal about misspent government funds and those people are also getting jail time. It may not be for all the reasons that they have broken the law or abused their positions, but at least the message to other cheaters will be clear and to their victims as well. If one fights and loses, at least you know you've done your best and the problem belongs to the other person/company. If one just takes it, then the bullies just cite consent and so nothing wrong with what they do. They're ethically challenged - remember.
My favorite astrologer astrofish had some interesting observations in this week's horoscope for my sun sign. I've mentioned struggling to clear up communication problems - my interpretation - with Elections Canada staff. The response I got last night felt like a cat playing with a mouse - me being the mouse. It's one of those situations where it becomes apparent after a bit that there is no intention of working something out and that what is really wanted is to create a confrontation. Hide this, withhold that, twist a phrase here and there. Never come out and say what you mean. His commentary was an allegory about wrestling with pigs and why it was a waste of time and effort. Why? Because the pig enjoys the mud and the contention. Ohhhhhhhh, I get it. My Dad said something of the same sort the last time we talked together. When people know that you will do your best to give the best results they often will keep throwing in more and more obstacles and barriers just to see when you'll finally give up. I don't understand that, but then again that doesn't change that reality either. However going back to Mr Lay and Mr Skilling - sometimes that backfires big time, maybe the karma pool will have some surprises for the crop of bullies I'm dealing with too. Not my concern nor do I own those outcomes either. Walk on Grasshopper.
Lately my dreams have been lighter. Last night I dreamed about being out in farm country. It was harvest time and a young blond haired boy with sky blue eyes was offering me a box of corn. I took it home and found to my delight that under the layer of fresh corn there was popping corn too. I love popcorn. The other dream was about a whole gang of people pitching in to help us move. Seemed that everyone was enjoying the event and we found ourselves in that nice little country home i've dreamt about several times now. You know the one, mostly wood home built into a hill but with a good living belt of trees and hedges around it as a protection. Didn't see the dragon anywhere but I'm certain it was about. Good night dear diary, hopefully there will be good dreams tonight.
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