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10:41 - 20.04.06
publicity
I had a dream about one of my friends the other night. In it she appeared to be at work or in some situation where the care and treatment of others who were less capable or more vulnerable was being discussed. I heard her exclaim "but that's just not right!". I could feel the distress she was feeling at the unfairness of what was being proposed. She is the type of person who will not only speak out against what she believes is unfair, but also act upon it. That's what I really admire about her. What I also like about my friend is that she tries, in everything she does, to live by the spirit of her faith. Her faith and mine are quite different and they do not align on a number of key issues but that isn't the point, is it? It is the fact that she is willing to take the consequences of her faith based actions to help someone else, even when that means she will be attacked herself for it. Of course one of her credos is "first do no harm" and to behave with compassion/kindness. If she was the fire and brimstone - punish in the name of "whoever" - then I think it would be a very different story.

Although I couldn't tell what the details of the proposed plan were, it felt as though someone in her group was wanting to exploit the powerlessness of the people in question, giving them something flawed or harmful, while promoting their committee's actions as good and compassionate. The fact that the press would likely never be able to ask those affected how it was really impacting their lives or see the real results, meant that there was little chance of the big lie being discovered. It appeared that the recipients of the "help" would be limned as less capable of deciding for themselves what was best for them. I got a feeling it had something to do with seniors. In other cultures seniors are respected and honoured for their contributions to society and their wisdom gained from a life of experience. Here they are often presented as mentally incompetent and a burden on society. Wonderful stereotype to be faced with at the end of one's life, isn't it? It is so embedded in our society that even to question it is deemed heresy.

However, remove an individual's voice by creating a stereotype that is untrue and hurtful about some inherent aspect about them - race, culture, income, gender or age for example - ,but subtle enough that the average person wouldn't really be able to tease out the truth even though something doesn't feel right about the description, and it is possible to create a whole web of illusion about them and, therefore, what you are really doing. Anyway it seemed really important that my friend be able to stand her ground on this issue. It seemed somehow that it was pivotal and would determine a whole cascade of decisions relating back to that one small step. A pebble or twig in an avalanche can turn a disaster into an inconvenience if the placement and timing of an intervention is correct. Think of the boy with his finger in the dike or Frodo sneaking into Mordor.

I could feel her self doubt and also her fatigue about having to go to the mat once again for her faith and values. It seemed to me that when she spoke up, the person who stood to gain the most from this meanness of spirit and exploitation began a well planned and concerted attack both directly on her comments, but more nastily on her character and value as an individual. Subtle stereotypes were evoked about her age, education, background and personal activities/choices. Not that any of those were germaine to the issue under discussion either. Obviusly there were much higher stakes than just what appeared to be under discussion. It was simply a direct attack to destroy her credibility with the group so her voice was lost too. In addition, it also seemed that that attacker and some of their allies made certain to take their destructive attack on my friend out to the broader community. Making her appear "a little flaky" so that she wouldn't be taken seriously when she spoke up elsewhere.

Debate and the right to disagree are the cornerstones of a free society. Mediators call that open discussion of an issue Fair Fighting. The one thing they will work hard to do is stop the personal attacks or the inclusion of irrelevant side issues. For example, although I express my opinions freely to you, dear diary, I also have a search block in the coding so that only people who I've told about you can read what I say. I trust that those people know enough about my own weaknesses and blind spots that they can make their own decisions about those I take to task for their actions. Even though there are people who I have no patience for at all, I wouldn't do to them publicly what the people in the dream seemed to be so willing to do to my friend.

When I asked in my dream what I could do to help, the answer was that I should send flowers to her workplace with a card that provided a particular meessage. I know maybe I'm flaky too, but it seemed important from some source in the dream that whatever help or emotional support could be provided to my friend be made available. The issue was obviously important to some presence in the dreamtime anyway. If all that is untrue and I was "just dreaming", then my actions also don't cause any harm because no direct link to anything other than a message of gratitude is visible and that gratitude is well deserved anyway.

The reason that dream had such power for me was that when I was an at-home-mom and volunteering on a lot of community development issues similar to what my friend seems to be responding to, I would often, find that as the spokesperson for the group I also would be attacked on a personal level either in meetings, in notes sent out to the community or even in the press. That is why no one else would take the public liaison role. Too much risk of one's character being attacked or damaged and of one's family being hurt or embarrassed by such things. Maybe sometimes that was justified in the opposition's point of view, but then if the solutions we were advocating for children and families were so off base, why not just offer one's own solutions up and let the community decide based on their own priorities. It was really frustrating to see one's words taken out of context or the actions one had taken misrepresented or stereotyped as something else to distract the community from the actual goals. You know "but there are only single parents, the poor and immigrants living there and the money, resources would be wasted" or "they don't deserve them". That kind of thing and yes, if you really want to know, I am still bitter about some of that. As I've mentioned before, seeing the press and politicians limn all sons of single parents as inevitably becoming criminals based on perceptions rather than the reality really rankled. All six of my sons are employed and contributing adults now as are most of the children of the other parents in this area.

When I would experience those attacks what kept me going - other than the goal of trying to help build a healthier community for my sons to live in - was the unexpected thank you notes I would receive from people I didn't know or even, during one really vicious attack when we were fundraising for the public park to be developed in our community, was a bouquet of flowers from someone I would never have expected. Everytime I wanted to give up or back away the memory that someone who I really respected thought what I was doing was of value kept me going for months on end. At that point in time the people opposing the building of that park had stirred up things so much that I was getting calls from people who read the paper insisting that "I was destroying the Family". The reason? Well Free resources for young families was communism don't you know? Whatever. Keeping children physically active, busy playing and connected with their family and community really was a dangerous proposition. "We shouldn't ever really value anyone unless we can make a profit - right? Or at least use the fees to act as a barrier to certain undesirable segments of society - take one's pick of race, colour or creed." Phew. Now that was a rant wasn't it? I feel better now. Anyway I sent those flowers off a few days ago and I hope that it will at the very least give my friend the clear message that her work and care don't go unnoticed and there are people, like me, who are very grateful she is part of our community.

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