01:57 - 24.03.06
review
Oops. Mr. Mercury is still backward. My mistake in my post to you last night, dear diary. Remember the comments about the fight over a teeny island between Greenland and Baffin Island? Well actually it is Ellesmere Island. One of thousands of islands in that area and even further north than I thought. The story goes on to discuss the international mapping project underway to verify location and the fact that the real concern is over the natural resources to be found undersea as well as on land. Yes well, there are huge pools of oil and natural gas under the seabed. However, last I heard the gas needed to be defrosted before it could be extracted. Lighting a match likely won't work. Or it will but - kind of defeats the purpose unless one wants the whole of the north to melt at once, eh.
I needed to have a talk with myself after I posted to you too as you've probably already noticed dear diary. That religion thang, don't you know. Faith - at least to me - is something that is innate in one's being. Felt deep in the bones or in the heart and not something inserted by someone or something else external to the person. It is where one goes to find direction, or strength, or even just existence of one's own soul when everything else seems lost. Whenever anger and aggression are shown by someone discussing their belief system it usually tells me that what they are defending or feel threatened about is something that has nothing to do with their faith. More their lack of examination of the teachings that have been aimed at them being brought to light in a way that creates great discomfort.
My faith stems, in great part, from the near death experiences I've had over time - especially the first one when I was 19. Since then, it has always been my reference point or source of spirit and comfort. That is still as unshakable now as it was then. I would never have managed to cope with some of the challenges that have been part of my life since. In some ways I can believe that it had to happen so I could survive them, both for myself and my sons. So why was I getting so fussed over some of the issues raised by my one son's fiance and her family. I think it is that "power over" thing that was really bothering me with that intimation of retribution from a "material" world point of view. Their family and those of that faith are welcome to believe whatever they want, but so am I. As a fully fetched up adult, there is no temporal force that they can apply that would change how I feel or believe because it is the core of my being and much of my personality as well. In fact we have provincial and federal laws that forbid it. Our human rights acts which guarantee each individual the right to practice their own faith and the freedom from coercion by those of other faiths.
I think it was the subtle threat of withholding access to things that I value, like my son and the new grandbaby, that were really bothering me. That isn't an act of a christian of any stripe from my point of view; it is a temporal act of malice and spite. I need to take out the "beam that is in my own eye" (Matthew 7:3) for sure, but I also need to remember that I have no control over anyone's behaviour other than my own and that what they choose is their responsibility to answer for in the end (Matthew 7:2). That son came by today and seems more calm about the entire issue too. I think maybe what is causing a lot of the problem is that too much needs to be done in the time set for the preparation of the wedding and it is not making for a smooth sharing of responsibilities. I think everyone just wants what they think is best for the new family but those definitions of "best" vary widely. Instead of talking it out "power over" is being used as a technique, hopefully witout even realising it. I really wish that the value-based definitions of "best" could be allowed to develop from the two getting married. The discussions that would generate would further strengthen their ties as a couple. My greatest fear right now is that the "push me-pull you" effect from others is going to seriously damage their relationship.
I spent today researching some more about the renovations for my home - especially the choices for environmental efficiencies. I think this plan that was used for a cottage in Quebec would work for me and the cost is equivalent to what I would spend on a new furnace anyway. What intimidates me is the fact that each time I locate an article like this it usually states that an engineer drew up the plans for their family home as a hobby - or something similar. Engineers intimidate me anyway and I don't know if I have enough resources to translate what I've learned into reality in my home. I looked at some of the companies listed in the yellow pages under energy, environment, engineering and solar energy but I'm guessing I couldn't afford their fees. I think I'll show them to my Dad and see if he can translate some of the technicalities for me. Good place to start anyway. By now I have a whole file folder of newspaper articles to ask him to assess as well. Guess I'll owe him a few lunches - for maybe the next couple of decades anyway. Guess too that the only way I can get my head around it all is one step at a time. I did get my blueprints in the mail today so maybe I should try learning how to read them properly first. Might be a couple of decades before I make a decision at this rate. Maybe I'll just dream them into reality. Jung says so, so it must be true. Good night dear diary.
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