16:25 - 20.02.06
resolution
It started sometime between Saturday night and Sunday morning. I had gotten up for a bio break and then crawled back into bed. It seemed as though that first early morning light was starting to shine so I got back up to turn off the porchlight. There was a swaying in the curtains, but that isn't unusual since one of the male cats likes to wind himself up in the hem and nap away for parts of the day. As I stepped up to the off switch for the light I suddenly realized that there was a form encased in the curtain that was not a cat. It was quite a bit bigger than me and appeared to be human as arms reached out to grab me. I tried to fight back but found myself lying back on my bed wrestling with the being as the cats went crazy around me. I felt as though I was pinned with my sheet and blankets being wrapped around me - I couldn't move. I had decided that the energy I was dealing with wasn't really human so what was it? All I felt was anger so I started praying and visualizing light and lots of it. It seemed to be attacking through the same process as the energy I had felt that one night while working in the forensic photo lab at the elections office. Through the one thoracic spine - about T5 I think. Felt as though it was trying to gain access inside my chest again so I started visualizing other energies Ihad learned about while studying Buddhist practices. Between the prayers and the visualizations the energy lost strength but that black grid that had been somehow inserted inside the thoracic cavity took sometime to dematerialize.
I think at that point I got up and sat at the computer for a while - just trying to compose myself and lose some of the fear I'd had to ignore to deal with that being. Giving in to the fear would have been a surrender to the energy trying to enter in - that was it's tool and its avenue of entry both. Got to remember that in day to day life too, don't you know. Responding with fear or anger allows external factors to take over your ability to live. Hmmmm. Pretty intense lesson. I haven't felt very well since then and I think maybe that I was fighting off a virus picked up on my travels on Saturday. My ears hurt and it was difficult to breathe again. Doused myself in eucalyptus oil and went back to bed for the day on Sunday. The cats wanted to cuddle but left in disgust with the scent of the essential oil so strong. The scent of eucalyptus always makes me feel cleaner and safer somehow. Dreamtime doorway maybe. Fevered dreams off and on ever since with no physical strength to work with either. I decided to let the nightmares have their way and speak out as they chose. Probably suppressed memories and responses from the election too. It seemed that someone was reading my diarizations of the prewrit period - the ones I'd sent to the head of training a week ago. A lot af comments but no sense of whatwould come of it yet. Hard to know and I can't control other people's behaviour anyway - just my own.
My youngest came and woke me up every so often to be certain I ate and drank enough. He seemed content just to play games on his system and watch movies he'd just bought rather than truck off to the museum as originally planned. One of the movies he'd purchased was the original Pink Panther. Amazing how young Peter O'Toole looks in them now. Since I haven't been able to find it in any local video store, I emailed CBC looking for a DVD of their movie H2O in English. It was offered in French in their on-line shop but not in the local language. A discussion with my Dad the day before at the restaurant about some of the appointments made by the new ruling political party to positions of power is what had triggered the renewed interest in it. Some are very disturbing and fit in with part of the scenario proposed in the movie. Wonder if a seer had a hand in writing the screenplay. My youngest also gave me gift certificates for the national online book dealer, so I think I'll spend some time searching for some of the obscure texts that I like to read on sale. He spent sometime today cleaning up a bit of the kitchen so after I've done my "shopping" and had my nap I might try to get a bit more cleaned up too. He went out and bought essential groceries and supplies today to add to the home delivery order I got on Friday so we are good to go for a while. The one disturbing thing in waking time was when he returned and brough the mail with him. One of my letters had been torn open and then taped shut. The one from the Alberta Civil LibertiesResearch center. Maybe the person being nosy could use a few lessons from that agency. Likely the person least likely to benefit eh? A demain dear diary.
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