00:55 - 26.11.05
What next
So today I surrendered to my need to stay healthy over any other perogative. I still really feel my boundaries have been violated by the second in command with her comments about having to attend that team building function today rather than attending to my physical needs first. Maybe that is a company policy but no employer has the right to demand that at the expense of one's health needs. I called in sick because I was and then called the doctor's office to verify my appointment was still on the books. It was - at 2:30 pm. Went back to sleep until I needed to leave home.
I swung by the office building where I will have the Returning Office before going to the doctors. Picked up the keys. I took a cab because I didn't feel well enough to take three buses to get there even before the appointment. The cabbie and I discussed the media and the election. He was talking about the frustration his generation felt about participating in voting. Nothing they did seemed to make any difference. I agreed that there were barriers to being effective but giving up or giving in aren't really the best choices either. That is giving away any power to have a say on government - ask anyone who has lived in a dictatorship. Any amount of accountability is better than none - even if a lot of it still appears to be lies.
Going to pick up the keys was a good choice I guess, since the rep from the post office called as I was catching the bus that would then take me to the doctor's office. Could her staff deliver my shipment on Monday? I'd have to ask my assistant if she could be present since I really do need to go into work on Monday - maybe. I'm getting to the point where I'm not even certain I want to be there, given the events of the past month.
I read all of the most recent of Oprah's magazine waiting to be seen at the doctor's office. I was disappointed at first, because there seemed to be nothing but advertising and materialism being offered up for thought. Changed my mind when I came to a couple of the articles midway through. One was a story about Cindy Sheehan - talk about trying to damage someone's reputation and credibility. I can't think of anything more normal for a mother than wanting to stop a war that has needlessly taken her own child's life. The article pointed that out and allowed Ms Sheehan the opportunity to respond to some of those accusations. I could identify strongly with that one chestnut about being a puppet for someone else's agenda. I used to hear that one a lot when I was working as a volunteer toward getting schools and quality of life resources, like parks, built in our area. Nope not really, it was because I had six children - no Machiavellian purposes there. I don't let other people do my thinking for me either. I thought that was pretty obvious given some of the mistakes I made during that time, and the present for that matter, but anytime I was successful it was always limned as that puppet thang. Whatever. The other article was about what I have been writing about consistently over the past few years. That "micromessage" bullying that too often goes on inside corporate walls. That being passed over when memos go out, being told one's own wellness is less important than a company function or watching someone else being praised for your work or you being blamed for someone else's failure to do their part of the work. Team work is a wonderful thing when there is fairness in acknowledging all contributions, but that balance is rarely displayed or enacted is it?
When the doctor arrived to see me he asked how things were going, so I told him about the doll incident. He expressed a great deal of concern for my safety and stated that it was likely, given the reaction I'd got, that the next step would be for the people who were causing the problem to try and create evidence that would discredit my character or credibility. He hadn't known about the comments made to me by the supervisor or the second in command but that appears to be about right. I never mentioned either that the second in command had gone through my desk-in-a-bag at the warehouse, pulled out the aspirin and was trying to find out what other meds I carry in my red first aid pouch. The blood pressure ones are none of her business, so all I told her about were the prescriptions and herbs I carry for asthma and the multivitamin I use for energy. I had already shown her the bandaids and liquid bandage I carry for everyday use and that was all she was entitled to know. It also appears the agency is willing to sacrifice me as a worker even though I have made a lot of money for them over the past eight months as well, if it comes to whether they get more contracts or not with the company. Hope I'm wrong. Maybe there really is a conscience somewhere in that corporate structure just waiting to bloom. One can only hope.
Went home with antibiotics for a bacterial infection in my sinuses and lungs that has been building up in my body for some time - the reason for all those sick days. It appears that the doctor realized I had been ill for some time because he commented about the damage to the tissue in my sinuses. Doesn't happen over night. I spent the evening redrawing the floor plan for the Returning Office because of some comments by the locksmith and the maintenance man. Save the taxpayers money by improving security but reducing the amount of changes to existing structures. Sometimes I think maybe I should just be like a lot of other people who appear to get along with the least effort possible when it comes to work but I really do take pride in doing a good job. Is that really such a bad thing?
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