02:15 - 13.11.05
rattling
I stayed home from work on Friday but work didn't leave me. The phone rang early and it was Elections Canada. Could we try working on your computer. Sure why not. It was one of the people I really like working with, so it wasn't difficult. Had to haul my youngest out of bed too, because he looks after most of the hardware work. I think no one on the help line had believed there was any real problem with the computer, so no effort was made to address it. I was labelled as non-compliant, because I wouldn't stay home from work during the day and that was the end of the story. It wasn't until I stated that I felt that I was being obstructed that any response was forthcoming. I suspect I'll pay for that sooner or later, but nothing else seemed to be working. I was told that someone would call me on Monday to work on the computer issue - one day after the deadline for turning in all the work. The only task I haven't completed is the one that died on their hard drive and some follow-up phone calls to a couple of staff. The problem being they've changed their phone numbers sometime in the past couple of months and even though I know they still live in the community and were willing to work last I spoke with them, I can't contact them to be certain they aren't working for the Federal census next year. There is a fear that we may lose some workers to that if the two events overlap. Quite honestly, I am more concerned about losing workers to the city census since they employ more people who are the same pool of skilled workers we usually hire. Most of the negative responses I get are more tied to that than the federal census. Anyway, I'll try tracking them down again tomorrow - one more day to go. One more person's financial data to get too, to get them on payroll. Maybe next weekend I can try to catch up on house cleaning for a change. You know it's bad when that is something to look forward to, isn't it?
I went out for dinner with the one woman I volunteered with for many years last night just so we could spend some time together. She was commenting on how tired and worn out she felt. She did look exhausted. She spoke of the office politics she was having to deal with that were almost identical to what I am encountering. She spoke of the unreasonable expectations for productivity she was finding she was being asked to demonstrate. She always put in 100% as a volunteer and her paid work ethic is stronger yet. It is doubly difficult when one does the work, but someone else gets the credit even though they were actively undermining the effort. That seems to resonate too. She talked about basic resources, like shelving and file cabinets, being withheld so that she can't even meet basic operational goals. Sounds like the computer thing from Elections Canada, doesn't it? She talked about how hard it was to constantly feel like one is begging to be allowed just to do their job. She mentioned how difficult it was for her to be pressured so much, when she saw so many of her co-workers tending to personal business, going on their smoke breaks and lunch breaks, when she was being censured for not getting enough done even when she was not taking any breaks at all. She commented about being expected to make up time for being late - like when a train broke down - but never getting recognition for when she stayed late or skipped breaks for the extra time she put in. That all sounds familiar too. She talked about how hard she tried to get things done at home and how often she felt like a failure at that, when no visible difference was apparent. She talked about how hard it was to find any time at all for people dear to her and the guilt about not being able to tend to her relationships, let alone herself. Amen. Weird as it sounds, it helped me to talk with her about that, because I have been feeling just as overwhelmed and for all the same reasons. Neither of us can quite figure out how we come to be on the wrong side of the double standards. She wondered why it was when we give 100% of our effort, we are criticised for the 1% of a task that isn't complete without anyone ever measuring what we have acheived. That one meeting where I was blindsided by the two supervisors, the 40,000 records I have dealt with as well as the reports and assessments, plus the hundred or so boxes I have physically inspected and been able to quantify - why don't they count. Especially why don't they count when a lot of the 1% undone was because I couldn't proceed because of someone else's failure to follow through. I cut other people, including my supervisors, some slack but they don't seem to be able to do the same for me. With the election work - despite the lack of access and resources - I have completed 95% of what I need to do. Why is that not good enough. The emails I have received from Elections Canada note that a significant proportion of Returning Officers have not been able to complete even that much of their tasks and I wonder if it is because they are receiving the same kind of treatment I am. Why is it being made so difficult and why is there no support from the people who are most dependnt on us getting our jobs done well? Whine with cheese, I suppose.
My friend works as a fund developer for a major city charity and was asking me what was wrong with the people from the company I am assigned to, where that part of the corporate community development is concerned. I explained that it was a local problem - remember the trouble I had with the one woman when I was trying to get the latin dance program going for play day? She is being sabotaged in her work with the same group of people also in the lead. The funding approval for her charity had gone through and the male contact kept apologizing for an "internal" problem that seemed intractible. Charities have no cushion in their budgets, so when a major pledge from a corporate donor is not honoured it means they lose whole programs - in this case to help seniors cope. Sometimes those seniors have so little to work with that the loss of that one support is catastrophic for them. It isn't the head office in the US that is at fault. They are amazing in their efforts to build up the communities in which they operate. It is just two or three people here who seem to be the problem. The one woman wouldn't even acknowledge my presence the other day when we went up to see the pumpkin carving results - donations in hand for the United Way - that was the focus of the effort to begin with. When you give what you can and are constantly rebuffed, what value is the committee work to the charities that you are trying to help? Why are they even involved in the community devlopment work when they won't accept or pass on the help you are giving freely to further their causes. I don't understand it at all. Guess I'm missing something, but I haven't a clue what that is.
Today I spent most of the day trying to finish off all the loose ends that are part of the election assignment so that I could at least get some really basic housework done tomorrow. Seemed as though every piece of technology I was trying to use was not working or broke down the minute I touched it. The computer, the printer, the software programs, the email. Mercury doesn't go backward until Tuesday, so I think I might be in for a very rough few weeks if it has started out this bad already. I know, negative Nelly, right? I finally decided that pushing the river was too exhausting and I was way too cranky, so I rounded up my youngest and we went walking. Up to the new big box store to check it out. Found a copy of Yellow Submarine for the one son who loves that movie, on sale even. Guess that was a good choice then, right? Next decided to have dinner and not cook it myself. We went to the Pho House (Vietnamese cuisine) next to our regular grocery store. The meals were really good and not at all expensive. First time my youngest had tried using chopsticks and he even managed really well with the noodles. Picked up our groceries, then left for home. I still feel really uneasy about all the work stuff because it feels like there is trouble wherever I turn, but since everyone else is finding the same thing, including my sons and their friends, I guess it is just a sign of the times. Breathe in, breathe out Grasshopper. This too shall pass.
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