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20:56 - 24.10.05
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The young woman I enjoy talking with shared the journey downtown with me this morning. I didn't feel much like talking. Deadlines looming for the election work. Each time I try to address one task, it seems as though there are these little hydras built into each syllable of the instructions so that I find the work mushrooming into much bigger challenges. The voters list is driving me nuts. The initial responses I received about my concerns were promising, but then there is the one tech who is so patronizing. I know who lives in the homes around me. Insisting that there are different people in those houses, while ensconced in offices thousands of miles away and insisting it is so because they are the tech, just doesn't sit well. Deal with that this weekend, I think. I sent one program in that has already been approved by head office, both last election and for the coming one. I sent two copies to the local rep within the past month and also sent her copies last election. Today I got an email from her claiming she has never seen any documentation from me. The last time I sent it to her was last week. She complained then that there was too much information in my email. She didn't have time to read it all. So then, if she doesn't read what I send her, how is she supposed to know that she has received it? The most galling thing is that she is getting a retainer of over $60,000 per year, if what a public service circular is correct. That's several times what I get paid,yet she has no accountability under the legislation - that all falls on me. The very least she could do would be to read what I send, before she starts hassling me.

The young woman on the bus wasn't helping the matter much where my crankiness was concerned either for similar reasons. She is an immigrant herself from Eastern Europe. She was criticizing her neighbours for their parenting methods. They had no business, she said, as immigrants from another part of the world, to bring old customs and practices into this country to raise their many children even though she allowed they were good youngsters. She doesn't have any children herself and has not, to my knowledge, spent much time around any. It was apparent she is thinking of having some soon and that is great, but the first comment out her mouth was "back in my country we do it the right way...." I explained that each child one has is different and what might work with some children will damage or not even register with another child with a different temperament or learning style. She just kept reciting "back in my country we ....." That's kind of like the statement that having children will not change one's life. Theory is lovely, but it doesn't deal with the real thing at all. Most parents' goals are similar - happy, healthy, well behaved and intelligent children. But like driving to a location across town from our community, there are as many ways of getting there as there are streets and avenues, multiplied by all the various combinations of turns and detours that are possible. And she might want to recall that the country she is in now is the one her children will have to fit into, at least enough to be accepted among their own peers. Back in her country, or the country of her neighbours, values may vary. They are neither right nor wrong, they are just different.

As an Aquarian, "different" is one of my favorite things, but from personal experience I can attest to the fact that there is a price to pay for being too "different", according to local mores. How big a price does she want her children to pay for behaviours that they had no choice but to accept as "normal". I've mentioned before how hard it was sometimes to work with children from other cultures in my sons' preschool classes. Their parents all valued education very highly and told their children they expected stellar performances from them . Yet, when the children learned what was necessary to do well, their parents would sometimes punish them for not adhering to the "old ways" which were competely contrdictory with respect to the curriculum here. The children would then try to obey their parents, with the result that they were then disciplined by their teacher for "misbehaving" or being defiant. The poor little ones often felt their inability to please any adult in their life was all their fault, when in fact, is was the fault of the adults in their life that they were constantly struggling to balance sometimes diametrically opposed expectations.

Work today was fine, except for the very brief weekly meeting first thing with the second in command. Instead of addressing the work in the project, she said she took exception to the "fact" that I had "rolled my eyes" at her when she mentioned at the end of Friday that she would be going in to the office to work on Saturday. Quite frankly, what she does on her own time doesn't matter to me. At the end of the day on Fridays I think most times my eyes are rolling into the back of my head during that last 15 minutes of the day. All I want to do most Fridays is just go home and crawl into bed for a few hours. Since this was a meeting about the project, I'm not certain why she even took such exception to the imagined behaviour and felt it merited the bulk of the meeting time for discussion. I didn't feel it was worth arguing about her perception, because I have no idea how my face appeared at that point in time. I just let it go, with a comment about how I felt it was important for people to have some personal time and pleaded the "mom reflex" being an unconscious response. Maybe it really did kick in. Why such anger about it though? The rest of our discussion took less than five minutes - about half the time she ranted about my "attitude". Can't win some days, and to be blindsided like that first thing on a Monday morning, wasn't really what I had expected. Maybe she had had a fight with her boyfriend before she came to work and wanted to vent at someone. Tomorrow we are supposed to be back at the warehouse. She is already in the habit of snarling at me for the first hour of the morning, so I suppose I'd just better accept that,like those children I mentioned above, I can't do anything about her issues and that they belong to her and not to me. Don't personalize them and don't feed her angst either. Isn't walking on eggs fun? I think I'd rather try rice paper like Kwai Chang Kane. Patience Grasshopper.

On the journey home,first up I was standing in the well mid car. It's the part of the car that bends when the train navigates the curves the track takes to get over or through natural objects like the river and man made ones like the bridges. As usual it was a really crowded rush hour commute. A man just a bit younger than me was standing directly in front of me as I was sandwiched against the turntable wall. He was so close that I cold have counted the hairs on his chin - if he hadn't been clean shaven that is. He was hanging on to the two straps one each side of my head - very close in. His buddies a bit further down kept beckoning him to come join them and then making strange hand gestures when he said he wanted to stay put. Really nice looking guy who had that nice outdoors smell about him - fresh air with a bit of woodsmoke somehow. Even though being squished up against people is de riguer at rush hours I found myself feeling a bit overwhelmed by the closeness today. Just closed my eyes and daydreamed I did. He got off a few stops before me and another male was quietly taking command of the commuters left. Tapping one woman on the arm and pointing to a seat where she could sit. Glaring at the young teen who appeared to be heading for the same spot. Never said a word, but it was apparent that he expected and got obedience. He caught the one woman's eye after she sat down, pointed tothe empty seat beside her and then at me. The woman turned and asked me to sit beside her. I thanked her for her thoughtfulness but allowed that I enjoyed standing after having to sit in front of a computer all day. That man continued to watch me and followed me off the train although I had tried to hang back until he left. He introduced himself at the bus stop. He asked if I wanted to share a cab (I said no, even though the one Iraqi driver I like was in the queue and would have looked after me if I had needed his help). Next up he desrcibed all his prospects and property and tried to ask me about mine - was I married, NO. Did I hate men then - no I've raised six really fine young men, thank you very much. Then the hits started to get really intense while trying to establish that connection or bound with that us against the world spiel. Young people today - aren't they awaful. Well not really. You're just like my wife was - 5'2", eyes of blue -well actually mine are hazel without myconatacts lenses but green otherwise. The bus pulled up and i stepped on to it when one of those "awful" young teens males stepped aside to let me on. Moved as far to the back and away from the fellow as I could. Just like ads - if the only thing you've got to sell your product is to diss the other side then there isn't anyway I'll by your product. It either stands on its own merits or not at all. Being a bit of a bag again I guess.

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