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01:30 - 18.10.05
Moon beams
When I looked out the window this morning I could see the lunar eclipse operating in the predawn sky. A bite taken out of the bottom left hand corner of the luminous golden moon. As I travelled to work on the bus. it was directly in front of me. Boarded the train and it stayed just off to my right at about shoulder height. Hmmmm. What was the message?

When I arrived at the tower I stopped at the coffee shop with a coupon for a new coffee latte that was being promoted. A woman in front of me was vibrating waiting for her one shot of espresso. I noted that I had mornings like that too and just let her be. Bet she was an Aries and that moon was tuning up her engines. Not that most Aries need that type of help.

Upstairs it was unusual, but two of the women who usually arrive late wandered in just after I did. Then the one woman from the other side of the floor came through the main doors commenting it was nice to see me back at the main office again. She started asking questions about the work at the warehouse, while the two stood openly listening to the conversation even though respect for privacy is emphasized in our open area work space. Didn't really care, although it seemed as though those two had heard comments about the work there from the second in command. I suspect that my positive comments about the work conditions just didn't jive with what she had told them. The one from the other side of the building was trying to commiserate with me and it was meant sincerely on her part. She asked if I was wearing my "grubby" wardrobe to cope with the dirt and grime. I commented that other than being very cold, the building was as clean as the office. I just commented too, that the only wardrobe I possessed was the clothes she saw me wear every downtown work day. When she kept pressing me for details of what kind of casual wear I wore for the industrial site, I just said I couldn't afford a second wardrobe and that the clothes she saw me wear were the only ones I had. At that point the other two listeners faces dropped a bit and they seemed to slink away to their desks. It was almost as though the nice co-worker was trying to make a point with them rather than make conversation with me. I am aware that the second in command constantly makes belittling comments to those two people about the rest of the staff on a regular basis so I'm guessing she has done the same about me. Consistent anyway.

My sister's sister-in-law and my sister yesterday have both given me some of their clothes that they've outgrown recently, but the sister's sister-in-law being a Leo, has much more flamboyant tastes than mine - very pretty though - while my sister's dresses were too big, although very close to what I would choose for myself if I had the cash to spend on new things. I need to feel really comfortable that my underwear does what it is supposed to so I budget for those purchases, but I'm very comfortable making do with what I've got otherwise. As I explained to my sister yeterday, the milestone birthday I had this year was very freeing in a lot of senses. I've never worried about what other people think of my clothes, but I've sometimes played the game just to keep the peace. Decided I wouldn't even do that anymore. The nice co-worker helped me put those boundaries down very firmly this morning in a way that likely shut down some nasty cattiness in to the bargain.

Got the weekly report in and saved to the drive for the Texans' use, just before the second in command walked in. The only thing I was short on was her statistics for the work in the warehouse. I had asked for those on Friday a few times, but there were still no numbers in my inbox when I arrived this morning. We had a regularly scheduled weekly meeting for half an hour after her regular start time so I wasn't too fussed, thinking I could get them from her then. As it turned out she flatly refused to provide them then saying she was too busy, even though she also commented that the one counterpart in Texas was waiting for them. In the meeting room there was posted a large graph I think she had just made. She made certain that I saw it. It was supposed to show the value of each worker's projects to the company, with the costs on one side of the chart balanced against the returns in efficiencies and access to information on the other. Everyone else's projects showed net values in the thousands of dollars, while beside my project there was a zero. That notwithstanding that one of the projects she listed as a first in value adds is the one where our supervisor has had to let the coworker from the same agency go, because the funding has run out and wasn't renewed. Also notwithstanding that the sponsor of my project is the VP of our department. I had expected her to try and undermine my sense of competence while our supervisor wasn't present, because it has been a constant theme when there are no witnesses at the warehouse, but putting that little graphic up where all the staff would see it took the behaviour to a new level. I decided that I would just not appear to notice it at all. With bullies, that is sometimes the best response one can make. They feed on emotional pain more than anything else.

Went back to my own tasks within 10 minutes of starting the meeting and just kept my headphones on the rest of the day. Updated the one report to reflect last weeks' answers from the company lawyer about some of the other research my supervisor asked me to include, while coding the records and reporting the volumes. Got an email from one of the nice supervisors just asking why some of her records were included in that collection of data. Explained what the lawyer had told me and she was good with that. She had cc'd the second in command on her query and I think maybe it was more for her information that the question was posed. It often takes me by surprise how little the second in command has been told about some of the work my supervisor has asked me to do and maybe that is causing some of the hostility the second in command shows toward me. I'm not withholding any information on purpose. At the same time, as in any contract, it isn't my place to report or reveal any of my assignment to anyone but the direct supervisor on site. It is their decision who is privy to what. Discretion is one of the characteristics consultants are chosen for when being brought into a company. Another reason I love my headphones - tools of the trade.

At noon I headed off for one of my favorite stores that is a brisk one hour walk there and back again across the river and along one of the trendy streets just out of downtown. New Age Crystals and Books. It carries the yearly astrologers ephemeris/calendar I prefer to work with and this is the time of year the new one for the following year comes out for sale. Added in was that it carries some of the material I had promised one of my nephews I would provide for him. He wants to create his own drawings of the tarot. It was a cool day, so the walk was very pleasant. When I tried to pay for my purchase though things went a bit sideways. First my debit card was refused - the message was "reported lost or stolen". The merchant tried it twice with no luck, so I decided to give him my credit card instead. Same message - twice. Finally gave him the line of credit card with reluctance, but pulled out my cell phone and dialled the bank as I stood waiting for the transaction to process. I wasn't leaving his premises until I found out what was going on. According to the nice young woman who took my call, my bank account was intact and there was no reason that those cards should have been rejected. She said sometimes the merchants have trouble with their service provider for internet banking and then those error messages appear. By the time we got to the conclusion of our conversation, I was back across the river walking along the valley pathways. The beauty of the natural autumn foliage and the clear fast flowing waters soothed my stress levels considerably.

Back at work continued on keying after popping upstairs to pick up my paycheque. Was glad I'd decided not to wait to straighten out the bank thing at that point. The second in command still refused to provide any of the statistics our supervisor had asked me to include in my weekly report, although I asked for them several times during the afternoon while showing the second in command some strange phenomenon in the database. A lot of the international and technical records appear to have been catalogued as being in boxes that we have indexed. Those boxes only contain corporate or financial data. Where has the other, mostly irreplacable, material gone. She kept muttering something about the packers reusing old boxes which is fine - reduce, reuse, recycle - but it still doesn't account for the missing data. Could she recall the material using the other informatin provided for her, so I could verify that the material was still in the company's possession. No. Fine. With less than an hour in my workday left, she came buzzing up to my workstation demanding I drop everything because the Texan was on the phone wanting the spreadsheet we code the data into for her updated for last week. When I brought it up on my account she noted its configuration was different that what showed up on her account. Not up to me what head office decides about that. She still wouldn't provide the data I needed to fully complete my portions of the report though. Sigh.

Headed off for a bio break after she left and met one of the nice supervisors on the way. She asked me how the project in the warehouse was "really" going and why I had to do the data entry in the downtown office - why not a laptop. I explained what the second in command had said and done during our warehouse time together and the pressure she had put on me around the connectivity problems. The nice supervisor asked if our supervisor was aware - had I told her - about the second in command's behaviour. She felt it was inappropriate, as do I. I replied that I try to keep the personality stuff out of the work as much as possible. She seemed to think I really should address that issue when our supervisor returns from Texas. Told her I'd think on it. Don't like to whine and don't like to deal with confrontations if I can find a way around it - especially when it appears that what the other party wants - to pick a fight. got back to my computer with about 5 minutes to quitting time, so I decided to check the job board on a whim. After all, I've been out of the office for about 3 weeks and haven't really had the means to check, especially after the second in command ordered me not to log in to my account last week. There was a posting for the position of the one person who just left the department - the one supervisor who was ganging up on the one coworker with the second in command when I first started working at this company. I tried to open the description, just to see what was being asked. I can't even apply for full time right now in good conscience, given that there is almost certain to be an election called some time next year. Just idle curiosity and five minutes to spare was the only motivation I had. It seemed as though that window was being blocked even though I could open up the postings on either side of it. Next thing I knew the second in command came hustling up, she seemed quite agitated about me looking in the job postings, although the president of the company sent around an email encouraging all employees to check it regularly - he specifically included all of we consultants in his comments. I decided I didn't need any more problems at the end of the day, so I just glanced at it quickly and then logged out. It was interesting that the posting time and deadline for application started just after I began at the warehouse at the end of September and closed last week before I was to be back in the office. Hmmm. It did remind me though that I can't rely on the company to extend my contract if the budgetting process focusses on other projects first - that was part of the message I took from the graphics in the meeting room this morning. I sent out some resumes tonight. My contract doesn't end until December 31, but I don't want to ring in another New Year wondering how I'm going to pay the bills again. Hope that is what this eclipse was bringing to my attention. Good night dear diary.

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