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01:57 - 27.08.05
Choices
One of the problems with a social life is the time and energy it diverts from other things in one's life. Much as I enjoyed the visit with the sister in law, I was exhausted when I got home. You might have noticed my post to you last night was very short. That was because I had to edit so much out that was babble, because I kept half passing out as I was writing. Can't go 20 hours a day right now,not while I'm still recuperating from pneumonia. As it was, it meant the work I needed to complete at home wasn't touched and the fatigue carried on over in to today. So, while I did make some headway catching up after work tonight, I still needed to crash and nap for much longer than usual. That means my time with my youngest and the cats was cut short two nights in a row.

It also meant that the work I've been doing on the archetypes was delayed. That is an issue, because it is helping me erase a lot of negative thought patterns/energy that have been embedded in my psyche for a while. I was discussing the healing going on as a result of that with one of my walking partners today when she popped in to the records center for a visit. She is still really on about the Reiki "rewiring", insisting I "need" to have it done immediately, because she feels it would be best for me. Quite honestly one has to want and give some credence to the process, before the best use of the treatment can be realized. I suggested to her, since she already made some arrangements with the woman who will be working on her this weekend to see me, that each person has to be free to determine what is in their own best interest. Force rarely does much but increase resistance to what's - "for your own good". Told her of my frustration with my family trying to impose their version of that on me or their idea of what's best as far as my youngest is concerned. We both have personality types that are "introvert" according to Jungian theory. They are all extroverts and won't accept our right to self determination is the same as theirs. Introverts have a difficult time asserting their boundaries, because they aren't focussed on the external environment. It just isn't all that important to us. Our interior landscapes are very rich sources of sustenance. We tend to value things such as the spiritual or the intellectual, over the social and physical. There is nothing wrong or non-functional about that. To insist that only the other values are acceptable is to show disrespect for who we are as persons. Psycho-bullying. Going back to the walking partner's boundary issues; when it comes to "consumption of services" it seems inappropriate to start one process of therapeutic work then try to overstimulate or override the effects with something else. That idea that more is better can result in things like obesity and drug overdoses on the physical level, but there are equally as damaging side effects when one is overindulging in other ways too whether in terms of material acquisitiveness, or emotional or spiritual overload.

I did thank her for suggesting the stair climbing though. Today I was able to go from the bottom of my climb to the the top nonstop. 20 stairs per floor times 11 floors isn't too bad, I guess. Still have a long way to go to come close to what the male I met is capable of in a similar time span. When I bumped in to him the first time today - he was running up the stairs while I was trotting down - he said he was running 25 flights of stairs. He didn't even look as though he had broken a sweat. When I was walking back up - breathing like a steam engine - he was on his way back down for his second run. I'll get to that point, running the stairs, someday - maybe after the equinox or the eclipses due in October. We'll see. My walking partner had commented that if my aerobic capacity continued to improve so quickly, then she would take me out hiking with her in the mountains. Now that is a much better way of healing I think. As long as the bears don't think we are there to feed them that is.

Our supervisor had booked a web seminar on electronic records for us that ran just before lunch. Although it didn't provide a lot of enlightenment around the corporate issues we face, it did offer a lot of good information and advice about how to secure and manage our home computers and the records contained therein. As I was listening I had one of those intuitions that I would soon have a new to me computer and operating system. About the only way I can see that happening is if I win one in a contest or some similar manner. It isn't even a line item on that spreadsheet I've got running for home improvements. Need to address the basics first. Build the strong foundation so the castle doesn't collapse, if you will. However, if the opportunity comes along somehow I certainly won't say no either.

Time for another nap now. I need to catch up the tasks from the time I lost on Thursday so that I can feel good about myself. Never in my childhood envisioned that housekeeping would be one of my forms of therapy either. Maybe it is a thought process I should modify or erase, eh? Free up a lot of time. Maybe I should try white water rafting instead. Or maybe get back into to horseback riding or swimming. We'll see.


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