14:11 - 12.06.05
Paradox
I was having some very intense dreams last night, dear diary. There was a long one about being the mother of two small children. We had moved to a new community and maybe even a new country. The girl was about two or three, while my son seemed to be about four. The dream kept focusing on the contruction and colour of his jacket. In the front it was a purple/magenta shade with a front closing achieved by using frogs in the traditional Chinese fashion. The back was unusual in that the lower left hand section had been replaced by a green silk patch stitched quit obviously with blue silk. the line of joining made the back resemble the yin-yang pattern. It seemed very important that I note that. At the beginning of the dream we were in a small home/bungalow. It was comfortable for our needs. Outside was a concrete step, three high, with flowers planted on each side and the walk bordered by them too. There was a large lawn with hedges and it appeared there was a gravelled driveway that led to a garage in the back yard. It seemed to be located in a semi-rural or park/forest like area. No creek or running water nearby, but maybe a well - artesian. We drove to a building that housed both a school/childcare facility and a general store. I met the young woman who was my children`s caregiver and then we went into the store to get some ice cream. There was a lot of discussion occurring about supplies we required, but then for what ever reason I woke up.
That was odd because it was still early in the day and I hadn`t gone to bed until the sun was rising this morning. It was about 4:30 am. We get about 16.5 hours of daylight right now. My youngest had gone off with his brother for the night and number four son was staying over at a buddy`s, so I was on my own. I wasn`t comfortable going to sleep, so I did housework and computer stuff instead. The housework had mostly to do with the cats - litter boxes et al.
The computer work? Well, as soon as my youngest and oldest sons pulled away from the curb, my PC crashed. Tried fixing it myself, but of course it was the hardware instead of the software. Finally called my youngest on the cell phone he had borrowed from me. Good thing, right? After about half an hour the problem was dealt with. One of the male cats had dislodged the motherboard and thought he was very clever. What took extra time was the one long haired pure black male. He told me his name was Melchizedek. Whatever. I call him Mel. He has the look of a panther about him, so I tend to treat him with respect. Anyway Mel jumped into my arms and curled up like an infant would. To make certain he wasn`t deposited on the floor, he hooked his claws into the side of my breasts, purring loudly as he did so. Typical male. The upshot was I had to try working on the hardware issue one handed and at an awkward angle to accommodated my new baby. Got that all done and signed off with my youngest.
About an hour later I lost the connection with the DSL provider and couldn`t access either my email or the web. Switched over to the Elections Canada PC, which also needed major tinkering before it could work. I think the universe was trying to send me a message. I told the universe to back off I was busy. Elections Canada has called twice in the past couple of days, but left no message either by voicemail or by email. I`m guessing they`re just checking to make certain that I still have an operational computer, because I haven`t bothered turning it on for months. I log into my email elsewhere you see. The work on it this weekend should reassure them. Unpacked all the boxes they`ve sent me during the housework session last night too - almost all packing.
I did pay attention to another message I was receiving from the universe though. I kept dreaming about and hearing the scene from Dances With Wolves where Stands With a Fist (Tantoo Cardinal) is translating between John Dunbar (Kevin Costner) and Kicking Bird (Graham Greene) before Mr Costner`s character learns to speak for himself in Sioux My favorite part of that movie is when Ms Cardinal relates how she acquired the name Stands With a Fist. That was the part I watched for, but I knew that what I was supposed to pay attention to was the dialogue between the males. As a result, I had ignored the dreams and the universe because it is such a long movie to watch, even though I truly enjoy it. Today while I was doing housework it just happened to be on the television. I guess that forceful a sychronicity should be respected. Right? Washed floors, Watched movie (and the firetrucks, ambulance and police down the block but that`s another story). Guess that`s my name now, although I much prefer Stands With a Fist. I was thinking of the issue of slavery as I watched Tantoo tell of her character`s experiences. I think the story line was that she was a child of settlers who was made a slave by the tribe. That is why she spoke English.
I know often when I read my own posts that are critical of others behaviour, I find that finger pointing back at me too. The lesson is to paddle my own canoe first, eh? That was part of what I was thinking as I was trying to figure out what I was supposed to apprehend from the story. The US had slavery and that is a blot on their history to be sure. But Canada had indentured servants and orphans sent over from British prisons and poorhouses. There was no real difference in their treatment or status in society anymore than that of the Chinese males brought over to build our railways. In Europe, the feudal system was all about ownership of slaves, even if they did go by quaint names like serfs, esnes or whatever. The ancient Greeks and Romans? Helots was the name. In Africa and the Middle East each tribal war was as much about stealing enough slave power as it was about cattle. Read the strictures in Leviticus with respect to the different rights of citizens and slaves for a textbook lesson. One could travel though all of Asia and South/Central America and find the same stories. It has only been in the last 150 years that the practice has even been questioned at the level of social responsibility. The problem, of course, is that as people of conscience raise objections, it is called something different by those benefitting. Sweatshops. Global outsourcing, child labour, retraining, minimum wage - yes that means you corporate Canada and America.
Was that the message I was supposed to ponder? I don`t know. I work in an industry that certainly can`t stand much scrutiny in some of its practices either. One of my jobs is to preserve that evidence so that remediation can be accomplished even if accountability never is. I guess it`s better than nothing. Maybe the message is to look at the present and build one brick at a time toward a better choice in the future. History with respect to exploitation doesn`t really support that as an effective choice, but I think it was Mother Teresa who said " Build anyway". I love that homily it always help me find the way back to the path.
Odds and ends? In all the drama at work last week I almost missed celebrating the fact that I`ve been allowed to join in the lunch yoga classes twice a week. Starts in July and boy does this body need it. The one missing girl cat last night showed up about 3 in the am. She finally felt safe enough to come out of hiding. The cats really seem to love being part of a big family. I can`t recall how often their affection and hijinks has saved my sanity on bad days, but I need to find some way of finding families or space of their own for them. I really need to fix my home too. I guess I can take out a line of credit for that, but I don`t see much sense when the refurbishing won`t survive the damage spraying and playing all the cats create. Some - most of the family - feel that just taking the chance of them being euthanized is acceptable. Of the facilities that have responded to us that is a 50/50 chance while the volunteer groups won`t even return my calls - or anyone else who I know is trying to find solutions to similar problems in their own household. When it is one of one`s own basic principles though, not to kill - ahimsa - what does one do? I`d ask the Dalai Lama, but I think he has more important issues to address. Meditate on that in yoga class - maybe the answer will come there.
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