00:29 - 03.05.05
Diagnosis
Well, it's official. The doctor said my lungs were full of fluid and it was definitely the bacterial form of pneumonia. Back on antibiotics. He gave me a certificate verifying that and stated I should not return to work until at least Thursday. The odd part is that even though this illness has cost me more than a weeks' wages I don't really care right now. I guess that's an indicator of how sick I am, since normally I'd be sick with worry by now. I guess the body can only feel so much sickness, before it becomes numb. I'm certain the stress will show up later when the bills come due.
What bothered me most today was travelling between home and the doctor's office then back. I could barely manage to dress myself, so I decided that taking the bus/train wasn't going to work. Called a cab - again no worry about the expense which is just too weird. Good decision I guess and must have been meant to be. When we passed the train station, there was a mini truck sitting in the middle of the tracks with a police car, emergency vehicles and transit workers all clustered around it. Didn't see any people in the truck, but we also didn't see any trains - just lots of stranded passengers. I wouldn't have made it either way if I'd tried to save money by taking the bus. Dropped off a parcel at the post office for Elections Canada, as well. Just forms for finance again.
On the way home I was feeling really guilty. With the diagnosis I know I am infectious, so I felt like Typhoid Mary must have. Wherever I go I could make someone else sick. In the doctor's office a young mom sat beside me, with her very active and pretty little daughter in tow. The little one seemed fascinated by my clothes and was touching the different fabrics. I didn't mind and would have enjoyed picking her up for a cuddle, but I was afraid to touch her at all. She dropped her soother on the floor, so that I was the only one who could reach it, but I hesitated about touching it either. Finally managed to retrieve it with minimal contact and was happy that mom took it and sterilized it at once.
My doctor was trying to cheer me up a bit - making jokes and teasing a bit - but my brain was too slow to catch the nuances and I felt as though I was off floating somewhere else. He was concerned that I not have the type circulating among the homeless people and seemed relieved that I had contracted it at work. I haven't been taking the train lately, so my contact with the downtown crowd is almost nil. Doesn't mean that one of the other staff didn't catch it that way though. A lot of office people take the bus, because of the economics involved.
I also felt guilty getting in a cab - less people to infect than on a bus of course - but still the cab is the entire way a driver makes his living and it doubles as transportation for their family and friends. I tried really hard to touch as little as possible and used the antiseptic wipes I carry for emergencies to clean up where I had. The problem on the way home, was that I started coughing and had trouble stopping. The East Indian cabbie very kindly showed a great deal of concern for me, asking if I was going to be alright, but I was more concerned that my coughing not spread germs all over his vehicle, so I kept the window open and tried to aim that way. I hope he didn't feel offended, but I just had him drop me at the pharmacy rather than taking me home. Just don't want to see this spread. Went home and scanned the certificate, then sent it to my supervisor and the agency contact so they were up to speed. Just kind of a blah day altogether.
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