3:08 PM - 28.04.05
Back to the Future
First thing yesterday morning I was looking at the pile of clothes I had set aside to wear to work, wondering which item should go where. Couldn't even fathom what the slip was for. Well yes, under a sheer skirt it might serve a purpose at that. When I realized how close I had come to really embarassing myself by leaving that item out, I decided it was better if I stayed home. That and the fact that I couldn't keep anything in the digestive system for more than the time it took for some autonomic reflex to spew it back out. I felt so weak that getting back to bed was the greatest effort I could manage. I'm slightly stronger today - no vomiting - but keeping anything down is still a no go. Hence no story yesterday. If it had been written, it would have just been a litany of boo hoos. Not worth the time or the wasted use of electrons. Right dear diary.
The illness is really upsetting and I think it has been amplified by the work and social conditions I find I'm constantly dealing with. They never seem to change and I am jut too tired to try to deal with them any more. The power plays at work just disgust me. In thinking about it, I would say that the two supervisors are hoping to replace my supervisor by one of themselves and want to remove anyone who has any history or any real skill from the department first. That gives them freehand to do whatever they want. The end justifies their means right? The elections scenario - ditto. Doesn't matter how compromised it leaves the well being of citizens - governance has basically ground to a halt at this point - power is the thing after all. I want Birnum Wood to come to Dunsinane now, before MacBeth wreaks such havoc. Yes I know, fevered rantings. Susan Cooper actually made a very good book out of that called "The King of Shadows". It is about two boys who are in theater companies - one in Shakespearean times and one in the present - who both become critically ill and end up switched over the time space continuum. They trade lives and bodies until their healing crises. Very interesting story.
I did speak with one of the partners in the agency that placed me at length last night, just telling her what I am observing. The conclusion was what I already determined anyway. Headphones on and focussed on the technical aspects of my assignment. Or the Zen comment "whichever way it goes, let it go that way." I'm just looking forward to when my mortgage is paid off so that income is not such an issue. Two jobs, both with such pressure and with the potential for substatial impact on the welfare of our community, are pretty overwhelming sometimes. Especially when everything is shadows, smoke and mirrors. Equally frustrating is having to watch as my sons get caught up in the same trap. Two of them this week, numbers one and three, taking on second jobs because it's the only way they can make enough just to pay their basic bills. Shareholders and CEOs seem to be the only ones benefitting from the current way of doing business, locking 90% of the population out of the benefits from their own country/company. And then we look at the global scene. Well maybe not until my mortgage is paid off. Then I can change which brick wall I bang my head against. This article in Seattle's Post Intelligencer was pragmatic advice to consider Patsy. And maybe there is hope if something this basic becomes the priority of more privileged countries Hand_up. Maybe an honest look at the past can provide a way to change the future too Saladin. One can only hope, right?
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