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6:35 PM - 18.04.05
Gun Shy
I was a bit cranky yesterday dear diary. I think you guessed by the brevity of the post - right? I hate being sick on weekends. It means I fall even farther behind than before with respect to housework. Oh well. Most of the staff at work seem to be struggling with the same thing, so I guess I shouldn't complain. The weather has lurched from one extreme to the other the past three weeks and I think it is incredibly hard on our bodies. A couple of us had weather migraines that added to the misery as well. It gives one a sense of great unease, as though something bad was about to pounce on you. Not even music helped much this morning. The upside is that I got a lot fo work done, because I just kept my discomfort to myself by focusing on my work. I did manage to speak with both the dance studio owner, who was also quite ill, and the chairperson for the play day though. Ironed out a few misunderstandings and we're good to go again.

The rest of the staff were busy decorating their corners of the library for the open house tomorrow and Wednesday. It seemed to take all day for some of them to feel they'd got it just right. Runs out to the stores for munchies and a popcorn machine in the afternoon meant most people were doing quality assurance tests on the products for the balance of the day. Someone has to since we wouldn't like to poison any of our clients, would we.

Although I do a lot of community work, I am very shy when it comes to interacting with people socially. My mind just doesn't operate that way. This is the first place my behaviour has really been understood - perhaps because my supervisor is very shy too. We both can carry on a conversation where we are asking a lot about the person we are talking with or where we are being asked specific questions ourselves. Showing genuine interest in another person's life experiences, is how it seems to me anyway. Neither of us is really comfortable with small talk. If I say something with respect to anything else it is because I think it is important to express that idea, otherwise why say it? And with being raised to only say positive things to people or not speak, it doesn't lend itself to a lot of what passes for conversation these days. I have no more interest in dissing public figures or celebrities than I do people I know. It offends me when people project some negative characteristic on another person because their target didn't act in a way that fed the wants of the person commenting.

For example, the coworker at the last place I worked called me snobby and cold because I wouldn't go to any of the social activities that were available to us, like the company Christmas party. That even after I had explained numerous times that rooms full of people petrified me and that I prefer talking with people one on one where a real conversation is a possibility. One where IDEAS rather than gossip and trivia are the coin of exchange. Given the way he acted, I didn't even want to be around him at work, so why would he think that his presence in a social gathering would make me feel better. When I'm in a work situation it simplifies things a great deal. I discuss work. When the coffee klatch tongues start wagging, I leave with the comment that I need to get some work done. Simple. When I'm supervising, such as in an election, I quite frankly don't have time for bio breaks some days. Wasting any precious time on some one elses' need to chatter is out of the question. They are literally obstructing my ability to do my job and I resent that. Old bag, aren't I?

Today no one took offense, because I worked while they played, any more than I objected to their play time. Truth was it was fun to watch them relax and enjoy each other and their play time. That's why I wanted to sponsor the day of Dance and things Latin for the June play day. As much as I respect other's need for the socialization though, I expect that other will show the same respect for my need for quiet time. After decades of raising a large family, volunteering non stop and looking after others, I think I've earned the right to that respect. don't you dear diary.

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